Home, Home on the range.

I wrote this for my english class. i know their are errors, but i wanted to share what i have here. The objective was to write an essay on a place ive been or where id like to go, so i figured id do both. My true home:

Bridge City, Texas

I used to live in a small town with my dad. This town had two main streets, Texas Ave, which ran straight down through the entire city, beginning to end, and there was Roundbunch, that ran right in the middle the other way, creating one major intersection. This small town is Bridge City, Texas.

Bridge City was supposedly named so, because you cant enter or exit without going over a bridge. The biggest, and signature bridges of Bridge City, are the Rainbow bridge, and Veterans bridge. Both run right by each other, parallel to the other, and tall enough for a ship to pass under. The rainbow bridge used to be a two way, two lane 75mph steep bridge with no shoulders. Now, its one way, still two lanes, but has small shoulders and still is 75mph, after the Veterans bridge was constructed. This bridge is much wider, 3-4 lanes with shoulders and bright yellow suspension cables on both sides. My father ran this bridge on its opening day, as did many others. I suppose it was tradition at the time.

The town itself has one post office and few restaurants. Some are family owned and run businesses, which means home style cooking, made with love and pride. Even fast food, believe it or not, was made to satisfy the hungry Texan, as well as his wallet. Only one grocery store, few gas stations, 2-3 churches, and one pharmacy. It could be referred to as a two horse town, from the size. Refineries stood on the outskirts, right before the big bridges. The smell was similar to burning oil, or something. It may not sound pleasant, but the smell of those refineries and burning marshes smell like home to me as fresh cut grass on a summer morning, or pine needles on Christmas. The air around you is a humid, but the sweat prevents you from burning into bacon. Though it would still be a good idea to wear sun screen if you intend to go outside with out a shirt.

The feel of Bridge City is so amazing. Even at the local Walmart, customers will smile and say hello, weather they know you or not. With the town being so small, you can assure he already knows you through someone else. So don’t be scared when an odd gentleman with three teeth smiles at you and asks how your day is going. That is just how friendly our town folk are. Everyone, especially in every business, does their best to make you feel comfortable, and at home. The school district has been improved over the years, and now is one of the best schools with the highest education in the district.
The tap water may be foggy, and has been jokingly rumored to make you glow in the dark, and may smell like fish, marshes and refineries, but its our funny water, our strange smells, and our overly friendly folk. Bridge City is our town, with arms wide open to travelers, and making you feel at home, even if you live next door.

Last Dependency

I am tired of being dependent on people... But unfortunately I don't have much of a choice. I am barely able to get by WITH their help, and now, for whatever reason, they are no longer going to help us out- making it VERY VERY difficult, even more difficult to get by! You think your the only one with financial problems? Im pinching every penny i can, taping and stitching things back together just so they can last a little longer. Im barely able to keep Gas in the car anymore, damnit. I know what my problem is. YOU are my problem. And despite all the crap you put me AND my family through, i still have enough respect for you to not say your name, nor give any clues that could give the identity of this person away. All we need is your help, and now you spit in our face and tell us to deal with it. YOUR problem is that you can't budget your bank account for jack squat. you know you have a family who works their asses off in school, raising a child with one on the way, and a works 30 hours every weekEND- barely bringing in 600 a month when rent alone is 700. But you don't care. You spend it like you have all the money in the world. You have spent years trying to BUY affection, and your youth, but you will never have either of them back, all because of the way you treated my family, including my wife. I really hope your reading this closely and understanding it, because i know how good you are at blowing things out of proportion. I work my ass off. And so far, the only thing i was able to get with our income taxes guilt-free, was a package of new socks. Why you ask? I have been unable to afford new ones for the past 3 years, and have worn them through... I do all i can to make ends meet for my family, maybe you should do the same for us.

I have strongly considered erasing you from my sons life- entirely. But instead ive decided, that ill let him erase you himself. When you let him down, again, and again, and again, he will never belive a word you say. All the promises in the world- he will expect to be let down, and that last time you break your promise, you will hear "Im not surprised you broke your promise. You always do." And it will make you feel like shit. I hope then you will understand what you have been doing to those around you. There is nothing more that i want than my son to hold you in a special place in his heart, but at this rate, itll be in the darkest place in his heart.

Dont start whining or try to throw a pitty party, because we have become immune. Its not our fault what happened, its your own damn fault. Deal with it.

If you dont want to help us because you dont care about us, just say so. Youll never have to speak to us, or help us again.

Im sick of you letting us down. I'm the kind of person who is more honest than most, but in a nice, "sugar-coated" way. I do NOT make promises unless I intend to keep them. I hate letting people down, as much as i hate depending on them.

You let my family down for the LAST TIME.

The next time you speak to us,

Choose your words AND your tone... Very, VERY carefully...

Because More depends on it than you think...

Update / To Az

So things start looking up, wich i find to be fantastic, and couldnt have happened at a better time. INcome tax, paycheck, my new desk and chair, and new socks i so desperatly needed.

Id like to give a shout to my cousin, Aslan-

*waves franticly* HI ASLAAAAN!! Read your blog comments!!

Ok, now back to the post!

Within the next few weeks, "The little group with no name" with the help of a few others, will hopefully be shooting a short that i wrote a while back. The biggest reason i am so excited about this shoot is because it is the first script that i wrote that is being shot. A lot of my other ideas were to costly, or just plain dumb, or a spin off something else with my own stupid twist on it.

This one is a continuation of a short that Ruben wrote, "Roadrunner". It went well, with a few minor hiccups, but nothing drastic. It inspired me, but caused several sleepless nights of running, hunting, gunfire, horses, ACME, and rockets, (even though most of those are not in it) it was almost like i was dreaming the first episode, and more episodes to come. It inspired me to write a sequel to the first. Ruben was impressed with my work, but wanted to break from it for a bit. That stopped the dreams. Then not that long ago it was brought up, and was put into pre production. The only thing holding it back was location, but now we have one to scout, and then, the shooting day will be set if the location serves our needs of the script.

I only wish Aslan were here to. He would hve oppertunities to work with us and several other film makers here. I was invited to one production company a while back, that i am a part of now, and introduced myself to a future production company owner. This seems so promising, im a social outcast- exept with my "kind" so to speak. I love the love of making movies. Not the fact im making 50 at once. I love the ideas i get, and write down, and using by basic acting skills. (i know im not great, but i feel im okay, i could work on it and get better- in time)

Aslan is the only other person in my family who thinks similar to me, and has the same passion as i do. We made "scary" movies when we were younger with my vhs-c cam corder, and showed them to our parents and friends. He is so far away, and id like to work with him on everything, and make practice shorts and even real shorts, and eventually full length features.

I miss u cuz, i look forward to working with you in the future!

Super NOT Happy-

Two bloggs in one day?

Yeah, im that upset- in fact im so mad, id like to NOT hold back this time! but sience i have been blessed yet also cursed with such an unforgiving concince, i feel i must hold back to prevent any bloodshed.

I cant seem to understand how people claim to be a good listener, but interupt you to tell you that. Then not give a damn about what you say, like what you say dosent mean jack squat! And tries to size it up like they have it worse that you do- bull fn shit. I got my shit, you got yours. You want me to be okay your issues, but you dont want to even acknowledge i have any problems.

Bullshit.

I thought this "thing" was gonna be cool, fun, and get my name out there, but nothing has been done. Im a GD work horse, giving it my best for nothing "thats how it goes in the real world" ? In the real world, im getting paid, pal. And now im going to be doing that. Maybe i should leave these groups im in and do my own thing. I keep telling people i wanna do my own thing... WTF?! Am i invisible or something?!

I want to do my own thing. Iwant to have fun with my work. I do this for fun, and now its gone. Im going to be selfish, greedy, and most likely an inconsiderate prick to people who have been using me for my generosity and kindness. If you cant respect me when im giving you my time, my effort and creativity just to make your script better. You hound me, keep throwing it back into my face and tell me to make changes (you or several others do that) if im lucky, or you take forever to look it over again, and expect me to make more changes while im busy with something else or the nigh before the shoot or some shit. and all i get is credit. I cant pay bills with credit. If you cant respect THAT...

Screw You.

'Till you intend to pay me for your script edits, you can Kiss the mole on my hairy ASS.

I'm Done.

As of today i have considered something:

work on my own shit and no one else's but mine. unless i really believe in it and like it. Other than that, i want to tell them honestly, "i do not like this script, and the only way i will work on it is if you pay me." Id probably start off with $5 a page, even though i think my work is worth so much more than that. i bust my ass for nothing, and I'm sick of wasting my time on garbage scripts. Some i will say are actually not bad. But most of them need a full re-write, or belong in the paper shredder.

While i work on someone else's script, i need full creative control. Of course, its ultimately their decision of what goes and stays, but i have proven myself through, what i refer now as "Hard Edit" rather than "putting notes" and waiting forever for a response, then i get tired of waiting and move on to another script. THEN i get a message that the first one needs to be revised again, tonight, and the other is due the same time. Then i have a late night, and have to be at work at 6 am when i stayed up until 3, working on your script(s), and have nothing to show for it....

As a script editor, dialogue editor, i need 100% control of that script. I'll do my hard edit of your rough draft, then get back to me with what needs to be changed... Again. This is the process i used with my best work yet, "Dannie".

Originally written, produced, directed, filmed, and edited by Ruben.

Many many MANY revisions went into the characters personalities alone- and did a damn good job, I've been told. Also been told it was a bit repetitive, but that was not my final choice to make. Another one i edited was called "War Zone" which is not online anymore as far as i know, because the second half (little dialogue) was hard to follow and slowed it all down.

I know i am a good writer, i know I'm not the best one ever either. I wrote 2 scripts and GAVE them to someone just so they could be made (at some point), as long as i can direct them. as of now, it doesn't look like that will happen soon.

I am bored with playing the waiting game. I want to write my own work, shoot it, and love it after its done. Thats all.

As of now i have 5 scripts of my own, that i have been WANTING to finish, and make. One of them is from 2009- thats how long this has been going on...

I think I'm close to being done with this "free script editing / supervising" shit. From now on people, it will cost you.

If your offended by this, tell me. Ill give you my terms and prices.

-MYKOSIS-

The Camel's Back

The best comparison to myself right now is a camel.

so much on my back, and the weight wont seem to get any lighter. It feels like i cant rest enough, sleep enough, or eat enough. When i finnaly get one project done, another takes its place. Working my but off on the weekends hardly seems worth it anymore. Working on scripts and movies for free seems even less worth my time. I mean, im spending time away from my family for YOUR script, making it just right, and I'm only getting credit. Cash keeps a roof over my head. Not a "good job, buddy!" or a " Thanks!" Im getting to the point where the only scripts I'll doo for free will be a select few, and myself. Ill sell my scripts i like, and keep the ones I love and want to do myself. With the yearly family dvd... im not sure if im enjoying it like i used to. It may be the program, im afraid of it. Its professional, and my editing rarely is professional. Maybe i should stick to what I know, and write, and make goofy, silly shorts of my boy, and put that on dvd. Or just not format it like a movie? Maybe im trying to impress the wrong crowd...

I love my family, but their is little motivation to do this anymore. I'd really hate to be the asshole that charges his family for a dvd of his kid. Thats not me. But it would motivate me to do it and get it done. I simply am to exausted to continue this movie right now. Its not done, but needs to. When it is done, maybe ill feel better about it all and continue.

As of now. No more projects. Finish what i have, then ill consider doing another.

Untill then, dont ask me to "look it over", "make notes" or to "tell you what i think" unless you intend to pony up the dough. It'll all depend on how long it is, afterall its gotta be worth my time right now, because i simply don't have the time and energy to do it for free... For now.

One more straw could break this camel's back.

Hovel

I am starting to wonder if i bite off more than i can chew in everything, just so i can rediscover my limitations. So many projects, and none getting me paid. So much work being done, and time away in my own little world of bad music and a keyboard and laptop screen. It rarely gets old, but when it does, i just BS on FB for hours and don't make any progress. Or, i allow the tv to distract me, so i end up laughing at a joke on it.

I need my little hovel,

a place i can disappear from existence, and sit in a distraction free environment with power and a place to sit that doesn't hurt my ass or my sides. A place designed (within reason) for me to keep all my editing and filming stuff.

This place, soon will be made from my walk-in closet. Yes. My hovel will be in the closet, and i will spend a lot of work time in the closet. (in the closet, get it? XD) With a small desk, chair, and power chord running into it. So i can sit down, plug in, fire up my drive, shut the door and get down to work, with out the distractions of TV, food, or family. I love all 3, but they are distracting! Gotta put them aside just long enough to attempt to secure a better future for them.

My biggest concern about my choice of career is my family. Will i know my kids, and vice versa? Or will i end up being the dad who is divorced and two kids, and paying thousands for child support for the kids i cant see because i am gone all the time on business?

I want to find that balance, where i can have both, a job i love, and my sweet little family too.

finding the balance is a job in itself.

Selfish, not greedy.

For years i have been busting my but in fast food, and nothing to show for it. Income tax is the only time i can worry less and can be a little relaxed. I was looking forward to being a little selfish this year, because of all i do for my family, and ask for nothing in return. The wife had the idea of me taking a part of the income, and spend it on my self on whatever i want. I was looking forward to this, untill i saw how much we were getting, and then started to deduct bills in my head. That nice number dropped fast to a small chunk. I was wanting to be a little selfish, because i feel i earned that and more. But when it comes to getting things for our new family member, and how much it costs, my heart sinks to the floor. I want to treat myself to a few things, and be a little selfish with my money, but i dont want to be greedy.

I feel i deserve more than im getting in some areas. Like my job, i can only work 3 days, and i still dont make enough to cover rent, much less gas to get there and to class.

The last thing i bought for myself was body wash. the time before that was shoes i needed for work. I think i should be allowed to be a little selfish for once. Not greedy, just selfish. And even with me being selfish, i still take into consideration of my wife and child, and what they would want. I have a list of things that i need, and things i want. First thing im getting, is socks. All mine i have now have holes in them.

Wicked Headache

Today has been a cocktail of emotions and stress, but all in all it got better when i got home.

I worked a 9 hour shift because another co-worker called in. I'm not complaining about that, but actually the headache that hit me around 730 is more complaint worthy-

This headache was something that i have not felt, ever. I belive. Elevating my head up and down made my brain feel like it was a little toy boat floating in a sink filled with water, knocking the sides with every movement. Migraine is what i had assumed it was, but when i was able to start my drive home, i sat down, and felt even more dizzy, but after 5-10 minutes i felt well enough to drive.

This is what was weird about all of it-

While driving, no music was pleasing to me so i drove in complete silence. While doing this, my mind kept moving. By moving i mean thinking about things that i never think of. I was seeing mathematical formulas in my mind, and some solving themselves. Money things, stocks, investments, scientific formulas writing themselves, and other things that cant even be put into words- It was just 25 minutes of a mind-jumble. Every thing that i know, and some things i didnt realize i did know, flashed in my mind to where i could see them. almost like a review of some sort.

My biggest questions are: What was my mind doing? Was the pain that intense that it felt it necessary to "back up the drive" just incase of a melt down? Did i gain knowledge, through the pain? Was that its purpose? How is it that i know what i know without learning it? Through Migraines? What if these intense pains are causing my mind to pick up on other peoples brain waves and learn subconsciously what they are thinking about or know already? What if every migraine is like that? When we get them, we lock ourselves away, limiting contact to minimum, picking up little brain patterns. What if that is true? learning through others brain waves? Like edward Nigma's "box" in batman forever? Then again, it could just be nothiing. With my luck, thats exactly what it was. nothing.

Any way, my family made me feel welcome home, with some supper and hugs, kisses and smiles. 4 Advil, 2 chicken nuggets, a damp cloth and 2 hour nap knocked out the ache, and now, i cant shut up or go back to bed. :)

I love my little family, and its only getting bigger and beter. With out them, i would have no purpose, like the hero with no villain, or vice versa.