Black Cat

Two days ago.

The family and I were about to go to bed. The baby was asleep, and the wife had turned off the lights in the living room, and then we heard a meowing from outside. She looked out the window and saw a black cat sitting in front of our door. I opened the door a crack and it tried to get in, but i was able to stop it without touching it. It kept trying to come inside, almost like it was familiar with us and the apartment. No collar, no tags, nothing. Seemingly a stray. It acted like we were the owner.

It was just weird.

It left, but came back when the Mrs. talked about. -Three times.

Blab-blab-blab

Who am I and why am I here? Everyone asks this question, and few know the answer. I am no exeption. Some days, i feel as though im almost sure of who i am and what my calling is. Days like today. I havent got a clue.

I feel i know some people, but they arent who i thought they were, they claim they want to change, but show no effort to do so. Im beyond confused on who i am and who i am supposed to be. Its scary to not even know your place.

I feel the need to do some searching. Searching for myself again. I thought i found myself a long time ago, maybe i did, but maybe i didn't. With age, i seem to be changing out of my "self" in a sense. Shit.

I'm lost. I need a map. I need to find the Micah - or Joseph within myself.

Hero

I'd like to be a Hero. Have powers, save the day, protect the good people, and put the bad guy behind bars. I can't be that kind of hero, but i can be a hero to my son.

I was there for your first breath,

I was there to help bring you here,

You were there when I first cried ,

the tears of joy to being your dad.

I loved you before i knew you,

I held your hands for your first steps,

You let go to walk on your own.

I helped you with your first words,

You made your first sentence.

I want to be your hero, I want to be there when you fall

not to pick you up, but to lift your spirit to try again.

I will be there for your bad dreams and pleasent sleeps.

I will show you how to tie your shoe, for your first day of school.

I want to help you pack your lunch, you will want to make it your self.

I will teach you to ride a bike, you will tell me when to let go.

I will be there whether you win or loose.

I will be there to teach what you want to learn.

First, second, third, or last place.

Im still going to be there for you.

Ill still be your hero.-

My Motto-

"See thy canvas, understand thy medium, know thy inspiration, love thy creation."

In my mind means this:

See thy canvas - find the canvas of which you see your work on, where it be a wall, a body, a freeway overpass, or simple paper. You have to 'see' the possibilities of the canvas can hold before the work has begun.

Understand thy medium - You have to understand the possibilities of the medium your using, paint, ice, pastels, a camera, or crayons. You have to know what your medium is capable of doing before you can do it.

Know thy inspiration - Your inspiration is important to your work. Without an inspiration, the work would not exist in the soul, heart, mind, nor on canvas. It could be a loved one, a sunset, or an empty field of grain. Every person is difrent, just like every animal, every snowflake, and every work of art. Every work has a diffrent inspiration.

Love thy creation - When the proper emotion is put into the work; the right inspiration, the right medium, and the right canvas, it all shows within the creation. In your eyes it may be a painting thats pretty good. Others may see brilliance. Others will share the emotion you had as you were working on it, or even inspire them to create something of their own. This creation is like a child, you made it, you helped it to become as is - a well rounded work, a masterpiece. When you put forth the love, the care, the time, you truly come to love the masterpiece you have created.

Not my Day

This morning my temper has been short. I have no patience for much of anything. My alarm clock this morning was one of the carpoolers knocking on my front door. Last night my boy kept crying, seemingly without reason. So i had little sleep. His crying continued this morning, it was making me mad, but I still kept it together. We and the carpoolers piled in the car. Their was somone blocking the road, and i like to lost it. I turned around and started yelling and swearing, the poolers fell silent. I dont know exactly why that set me off. If someone would have honked at me while still or given me a problem, im almost sure i would have hurt them and/or slash their tires. Maybe. Again. NOT a good day for me.

Freedom Isn't Free

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! If Muslims can pray in Madison Avenue, why are Christians banned from praying in public and erecting religious displays on their holy days? I was asked to send this on if I agree, or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God! We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. I believe it's time we stand up for what we believe!

Classes

Im in my second semester now, and im thrilled to say I am taking a photography class, a digital imaging class (aka Photoshop) and College English. I like taking photos, I like to play with them, (just have to get familiar with the software) and I speak one of my classes, so it should be fairly easy. I didnt realize untill yesterday how much I like doing camera work. I personaly think im alright at it. Some one told me that my shots are better than his. Im not one to be the judge of that though.

Somthing Amazing Happened

We went to Walmart to get a new battery for the jeep. I have some trouble, and it looked grim. A man walks up and offers his assistance. He went inside, bought some tools I didnt have and we got the battery replaced. He told me to keep the tools, and handed the Mrs. cash to get somthing on the Jeep checked out. . . I turned to thank him- He was gone. I truly belive that he was a form of God to assist us- A reminder that there is still goodness in the world. Thank you God for sending the generous man to our rescue. Please send him our prayers, and bless him-

I posted that on my fb account.
What I didnt put was the problems i were having with the bolts were one broke off with the nut cause it was rusted so badly. the other bolt wouldnt budge, and none of my sockets or wrenches would fit the nut. The man tried a hammer, alan wrench, and my cresent wrench. Nothing worked. Thats when he went inside and got some pliers, and it came right off "The right tool for the right job" he said. We finished instaling the new battery and the jeep cranked right up. He suggested I have the hookups ,(he said a diffrent word but i cant remember what it was) checked out, cause at least one will have to be replaced. I put my tools back in the case, he told me I could keep the tools he just bought. . .he talked to Stacie, we thanked him and he went on about his way. Stacie looked down, as if to tell me to look there. she had cash rolled up in her hand- He had given it to her! I turned to thank him but he was gone- almost like a ninja "now you see me, now you dont" type of thing. What else baffled me was that on his way into the store, he offered his help- he went in to get the tools that he let me have- then went back to his car. It would seem that he somehow "knew" that somone needed a hand at that place at that time. I thought about it only for a moment, and I couldnt help to cry tears of joy. I had thought the world had gone all bad- - -untill today. This man has given me a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. There still is some good in the world. and what goes around does come around. The good lord is watching, and has a guardian angel for us all.

Earlier today after audition for a part, i helped the director out with the people auditioning outside the room - no charge of course. I chatted with a few of those who tried out for parts- When it was time for me to go, the car battery was dead. I asked a man in a car for a jump, but i didnt notice he and others were filming- OOPS! While waiting i noticed a lady walk out and get into a car right behind me, so i asked her for a jump, and she agreed. She was terrified to even touch the cables! She gave me a jump, i thanked her, she went about her bussiness- another "Guardian Angel" I suppose?

I just hope the things I do will make somone else's day just as the two Angels did for us today.
Thank you Angels, and Thank you God for sending them to us!
Bess them both!

Homesick

Last night, Kai wanted to watch the movie i made for the family last year on christmas. and it reminded me of home so much, im more homesick than i was before. Especialy when pics of my family came up. I miss them all. I miss my Dad, his welcoming into his home, always has somthing cooking in the kitchen, sugar ray barking his head off and slobbering everywere. It may sound silly, but most things i go by in my life have to do with smell. The smell of rain, refineries, dogs, people, food. So many new smells, and so many that remind me of home. if Home is where the heart is, then i must have two hearts. I miss my mother to, my sister, My grand parents, my uncles, and aunts, cousins, my siblings, i miss everyone back home in texas. If i had it my way, id move this school to beaumont, and go back home. Cause I love home, I wont miss this place.

Having Second Thoughts

Yesterday, a few things that the Mrs. and I were disscussing are very depressing. I wouldnt dare post this directly on face book, but post it for any of those who WANT to know whats on my mind. Also, it would keep a lot of the online "i told ya so"'s off my back. in a nuttshell, we cannot afford to stay in AZ. I lost count of how many applications she has filled out and brought back and checked on. no luck. my job is 22 miles away, eating through gas, which is another expense rapidly increasing. my hours keep getting cut, i keep getting sent home early, making my checks smaller. im only pulling in about 8-$900 and all our bills come to well over that. we have applied for foodstaps 3 times and been denied twice and waiting on the 3rd. We are getting deeper into debt. the phone bill is 500$ for not paying ontime, if not paid in full by 6th, it gets cut off, our auto insurance may be canceled if 50 isnt paid by 15th, and we have a 200 carloan note due at the end of the month. we need MAJOR help without a second income, it puts us behind on a lot of bills, id like to finish school but if a job dosent come, or gov. help, or some mirical of major $$$ dosent happen, we will be forced to go home, or live on the streets- or both. Please God, I normally dont pray for anything, but please, I ask of you , help us.

24th Birthday

Today, May 27th is my birthday. Today marks the 24th year of my birth, and the day of a loss.

About 13 or 14 years ago, a friend of mine drowned in a pool, at my birthday party, on my birthday. I havent let go if it yet, and i dont think i will. i still feel a bit accountable for what happened. People tell me its not my fault, but i didnt do anything to prevent it. I lost my friend on my birthday in front of me. i dont think anyones birthday would be the same if it happened to them. Ive been thinking about my lost friend for years, i still havent payed my respects to him or anything, i guess its guilt that keeps me from not looking forward to my birthdays. Everyone tells me Happy Birthday, but its not just a birthday. its a deathday to. (If you want to know the Story, Post a comment about it and ill post it.) Wish he were still here man. . . R.I.P Lu'mon.

Its been a decent birthday, yet so much is missing. Like my family. I got used to going to my dads, eating a big delicous dinner, being surounded by a loving family , and scrumcious cake. Now, its staying home, eating a small yummy dinner, having my wife and son here with me and tons of calls, texts and posts on facebook, and maby some cookies. . . im not sure yet, but the day isnt over yet.

Random Thoughts

As the day rapidly approaches, i feel more exited about getting a year older, but still mourn the passing of my friend . No one asked what happened so i guess i wont post the story on what happened.

On my way to work, i heard a song i haven't heard in years! like in high school years! "we want fun" by Andrew W K. (i think) it brought back a few memories from the clique back in the day.

Who is this equation describing? Do you know them?(8 microwavable deep-dish pizzas + 24 pack of Dr. Pepper - 1 toothbrush and toothpaste = 0 teeth + 40 lbs)

Ha ha!

Business

Well aside from the oompa loompas that sang the lolly pop song at work today, work bit the big 'un. Everyone was rude today. That aside, I'm not sure if this would be proper working conditions. . .
okay. to start off, you cant bring your own drinks unless you put it in a cup- which you have to have rung up, ticket on it, name on it, with lid and straw. (that's fine) sodas you have to pay for, and the refills are to be charged as well.. water is free, and that's all that is free. If you don't know, AZ h2o is not good to drink and i discovered why for me. It'll give me migraines quickly! that's all that i can drink from there though is water, so instead, i break the rule and bring my own drink and hide it in the cooler where no one can see it. (kool-aid in a bottle) This I understand....to a point... We mess up on an occasional burger and have to remake it, leaving us with an extra burger. What do we do? throw it away. If i want to eat it, i have to ring it up. It could sit under the heat lamps for an hour (WAY past any holding times) and if i want to eat it, i still gotta ring it up and pay for it. Why? if its going in the trash, its wasted. if it goes in me, you have a happy employee whose not distracted by the rumbling of his stomach. and you obviously have to have money to BUY food there, but id much rather spend it on food that will last 5 days than 5 minutes. (sandwiches anyone?) and i STILL haven't gotten my check yet. (should be soon i hope) next up, whats just started today is they take up our cell phones before our shift. This bugs me. just to the point where it is hard for me to focus on working. cause with it, i know if my phone went off, and if i can at least see what it is, it may or may not be urgent, etc. Without it, i don't know. the one time i DON'T have it ironically would be the time something happens. (if you need me while I'm at work call the store phone, BTW) and now the BIGGEST issue I have so far is the fact I've been working here for a month now, and not once have i seen anyone take a break, nor have i been offered one. when i ask about the break procedure, one guy actually said "break? What break?" and soon found out through a little snooping that a break area doesn't even exist on the property. No table no chairs, no break. after working 6-8hours a day i should ave gotten one for the almost 9 hr shift. (at least sit down)
To sum it up-
no free drinks or refills
no eating old/mess-up food
no phones
no breaks

Someone is quite the grumpy person to make so many BS rules about a business they no nothing about. The gas is killing me, and the big guy says for me to not "run out of gas again" like i did it on purpose by running the streets wasting gas. i go to work home, work , home. i get 20 miles a gal, its 22 miles away and 22 miles back. about 44 miles a day, about 2 gal of gas a day in a 15 gal tank. that's about 7 round-trips per tank. ( my math is awful, feel free to check, i know i must ave made a mistake somewhere.) 40-50 bucks to fill up. so 80-100 $ a check on gas alone- IF we don't go anywhere else. Eh, ill just go pick off another 100 from my money tree in the back yard. . . Ya know. just like every one else.

Dig This!

The song this morning is VERY strange for me! (Its stuck in my head, and i dont know how it got there) Its thae song the little lollypop kids were dancing to in the Wizard of Oz "we represent the yada yada yada..." Thats all fine and dandy, but i heard the best way to get a song out of your head is to listen to it a few times and POOF its gone. the problem is i dont have the the song on the computer, CD, MP3, MP4, Cassette, DVD, .MOV, WMV, VHS, Vynal record or in stone. (its old refrence) sooo, kinda stuck ith it today, and maby tomorrow unless by some strange reason a trio of munchkins come in to my job today dressed like the lollypop kids and start singing the soong. (that would be strange but quite entertaining) have fun today thinking of THAT one!

This morning-

Couldn't sleep well last night. I wonder why that is.- why some nights we sleep like a baby and other nights we barley get any. Any way, this morning I have a different song stuck in my head and it may be unusual for you, but normal for me. "Zombie" By the Cranberries. (I think that's who sings it) Who knows what today will have in store for me.

On a side note from yesterdays "Once In A Blue Morning" post, I was running short on time and didn't have time for spell check. So I am sorry for the awful spelling in that post.

Today is the 23rd of may. Four more days.
The anniversary of one of the worst days I've ever been through.
If you don't know why this is so, and want to know, post a comment here on FB and ask me. It will be posted here on the blog if enough of you want to know.
Today's Song of The Morning is "Zombie" By the Cranberries.
Let's see what happens today.

Once In a Blue Morning

I would assume many people would love to have this exuse not to go to work - i dont have enough gas, and my check hasent come in the mail yet. - its not like i can take the bus 22 miles, or a cab, if i had the money for either, id put gas in the jeep. we have $4 bucks in our account, and ill need more than that to get there. Calling in is the only thing I can do. I dont't want to, even though I dont like it, we need the $$. Why do we need $$ anyway? we used to do so well with trade back in the old days. Why did we have to go to money? its paper and coin with numbers on it. I dont have $, and nothing to trade, so im boned either way i suppose. No $- no gas-no work- no $- no gas- bla bla bla you get the idea. this sucks. All i CAN do is wait for the check to come in the mail. This is where patience is tested.

Random Greatness

I've come to a conclusion. I called a nearby Sonic (1.6miles away) and found out they need another cook. If you can't put 2 and 2 together, ill be moving my job 1.6 miles away rather the current 22 miles away. In a jeep that tends to be a gas hog, I figure it's the best thing altogether. On another topic however, our checks from TX STILL haven't made it to us, so still, no microwave, shower curtain, sleeping on an air mattress, a computer i brought for school, and quite a large donation from my mother-in-law, a 19" flat-screen TV with a built-in DVD player. (A-Thank You!)
Were scrounging things up to make for dinner, mixing a can of this, a pack of that, and a little bit of something else. Not to bad, cause it really lets my mind wake up and see the inspiration around me. I see so much, yet see so little. The term "Starving Artist" has come to prospective- With having so little is when one realizes true greatness - that sounds familiar, like it were written by an actual philosopher. . .
I am glad we are here. The whole area inspires me in a way that home hasn't. A sense of peace, silence, but still mildly busy. I sense wonderful work within me.

This Morning

This morning has been just like any other. Slow. Every morning I have a song stuck in my head. In my mind, these are songs that will describe the rest of the day. Yesterday, AND today, its " 21 Guns " By: Greenday. A few memories were displayed menaly like a home movie, of when i was younger hanging out with my freinds - still an outcast in my own cliqe. I then was reminded of the people ive lost over my lifetime. Some old, some so young - none seemed to deserve to go under any means exept they did what they needed to do, otherwise they would still be here. They all are in a better place now. I wise man tells me " The body is only a vesel for the spirit to travel, like a vehicle, it will break when the time comes." Maby not to those exact words, but along those lines. Anyway he's right. Our body is like a vehicle, requires fixing, cleaning, and fuel. And it will break down at some point. The problem is you dont know when. You never will. When its time, It's time. Listen to the song. What does it remind you of?

In my mind. . .

In my mind, there are things that go on that not even I am sure what they mean. I had a little inspiration from reading my dads blogs, so I made my own, because I, too think while I'm driving.... Welcome to The Mind of Micah.