Written 6-2-14

6-2-14

I have a job. At the same place I left to AZ to get out of. It’s a bit depressing, but I cant expect to move away from connections and get a job the next day Im in town in my field. I worked on two scripts this week, one mine one someone elses, and I hope he likes how I helped, I know he cant pay me for it, and I did offer to help him for free anyway. Also it was a short one, and its good practice for me.

As far as developing a team goes, it proves to be extremely difficult. The only people I know are family and co workers who are working all the time, and if I get them on a shoot, someone has to fill in for them, aka- me or another person I need on the same shoot. So far everyone I talk too about it voulenteers for acting. It’s a little annoying because almost anyone can stand in front of a camera and say a few lines. Few can be convincing about it. Extras? Sure, that’s cool. Ill add your name to my list of free extras.
So far, I have an Audio tech, Idea man,  multiple extras/grips.
I’d really like to fit in another camera man, a  co-writer, producer, lighting tech and editor… the list continues.
So far, It looks as though I really am starting from rock bottom. I’ll have to train EVERYONE.  By studio standards I was taught, and how to be efficient, in writing, budgeting, scheduling, acting, directing, lighting, shooting, editing, crediting, effects (sound and visual) distribution, … ugh.
I used to do this shit all on my own (with the mrs and boys assisting) With the Monkey show stuff. In AZ, I had a team who knew what I knew, and worked very well together, and produced some good work.
Here… It would be hard to get decent work on the first try. Without internet and the other resources of people with knowledge and passion to do this stuff- makes this more of an expensive hobby than a career.

I have made something of it.

If I do not have a job doing something in the film making industry, withing the next two years, I will declare my degree to be a waste of time, money and effort. If im still at the current job I am in now at that time… I don’t know. Ill be a major fucking dissapointment to myself for damn sure. In the back of my mind, I will have known moving AWAY from the connections was a mistake… Family is important, I get that. If I cannot provide for them with an enjoyable career instead of “a job” I cannot be called a man. A man provides, if I cannot provide, I am not a man. I’d be a spineless wiener with man-like parts.

If my degree goes to waste like that, ill kick myself in the ass every morning for being so stupid.

I want to do special effects and doctor scripts. That’s it. Occasional camera work, maybe. Is it so much to ask?

All these buildings damaged from IKE, not being used, and im thinking to myself how much would it take to buy it and fix it up into a studio? Is it a good location? How long until I make my original investments back? How long till I’ll have a steady workflow enough to cover expenses and still bring in a profit, and how long until I can hire more people willing to learn, and STILL make a profit?

I guess ill never get anywhere without taking risks. I hate stepping outside of my comfort zone, anyone who knows me well enough will tell you, I hate it…

The unknown scares the bejesus out of me.

From how I perceive things here from family… I get the impression I’m not supported with my choice of career, and it doesn’t help with the struggle… What was assumed to be motivating for me as a child, or teenager was not motivating at all. I cant just go to the job store and get a job I want, or pull one out of my ass, or put on my job helmet, shoot myself from a job cannon into job land where jobs grow on jobbies. (saw that last one on a meme- found it appropriate)… Its more like trying to find something at a walmart. Not every walmart carries the same stock. I have to got to orange for a good grocery selection, but BC for hardware, chemicles and toys. Same goes for this job. Im looking for a specific item in a store that doesn’t carry it.

In another sense, Im looking for uncensored CDs in Walmart…  Or asking for Spaggettii at taco bell. Get it yet?

I’m not going to find shit here without making it up as I go along. I have to FORCE it out there in a market that isn’t demanding it. Just another failed business already. Then again, it could be the “didn’t realize I wanted it until I saw it” thing. “oh, I wish I could hire someone to record my kids birthday party so the whole family and I can be together”- oh, wow! Look! Its Mykosis! And for a little more, he will cut it together and make it a short movie?! COOL! And add special effects too?! How awesome is that!?

But sense I’m having to be fully occupied with the family, and work… what time do I have for that?

Not to much. For a studio thing anyway. I don’t have the manpower, facilities or equipment to do a lot of the things people would want to do or see. I could make it work most likely (effects wise) The business side of it all twists my stomache into knots.