If your a reader of my usual blog, ya know, the one that happens almost never now..
You'll know Im not really big on celebrating my Birthday, and know why. So ill skip that this time.
Now, last year I took a step into the right direction, thanks to some kind, and insightful words from a wise friend of mine. Im sure he knows who he is, but he told me, that my friend wouldn't be holding a grudge on me in heaven.
That triggered something inside me, it was like it was the first time i've heard it. It may have been, or maybe it was the 1200th time where it finally clicked.
Last year, I went to his grave site, and talked to him. Introduced my family, and all.
I was told it was a little morbid to do that, but I felt it to be necessary to get that closure after so long. I saw his picture, and the wind kept blowing the cover closed.
I read what was on his stone, and everything i remembered about him rushed back. I remembered that day he left, and it didn't hurt as much anymore.
When the picture kept closing on me i couldn't help to think it was his way of telling me that i have put so much on pause after he passed. I was introduced to death in a closer way than I should have been, and it was not my fault.
His way of telling me "dude, it was over 20 years ago. Stop doing this to yourself. It's done. Live your life man."
So, I would like to celebrate my birthday this year, but I want to treat it as if I were 10 years old or so.
Cake, party with the hats, a pinata, slip n' slide, grill up some burgers and hot dogs- and guests leave with little goody bags! I wanna do it small, but fun. I want it to be such a wonderful birthday, and remind myself of the fun i missed out on the past years.
Kinda feels like I'd owe it to myself, and him. I mean, i miss him, and still wish he were here to chill out, and let our kids throw water balloons at each other.
I am so thankful for the family, and friends I do have, and I wish I could have them all over, or have a huge blowout with TX friends, and AZ friends under one roof (or yard) so we can all kick back and have a good time.
I swear, if it happened, I'd break down in tears. Happy ones of course, but still. So many people will have tears on their shirts after all the hugs.
I love all of yall. Fam, friends, TX and AZ, and friends i call fam...
Love to all of yall.
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Thursday, April 19, 2018
The 48 Music Cat Bus Blog
The 48 Hr Contest
Recently my team and I had participated in a 48Hr Film challenge.
We got the Horror genre, and as it so happens, me and a teammate just shot a horror short with my oldest son and it turned out really good.
So, after the event, we went to a coffee shop and worked out an idea and script. The only thing we didn't have was a location. By this time it was already past 10pm, so most people i could call were sleeping. But we did find a place, and we wrapped up around 2 or 3 am. I remember being home at 4, and dumping footage.
That Saturday, while the other teams were starting to shoot, I was starting to edit. 5 Doughnuts, 3 Kolaches, half box of teddy grams and nilla wafers, 12 chicken nuggets and pizza rolls AND 16 hours later...
I had it cut, VFX'd audio- Totally done and rendering. Before Bed (at 4am again) I set it to send tto the submission email.
The next morning, i was informed we were the first team to get their submission in at 730 am sunday.
So Sunday was a day to relax while everyone else was racing to get their videos in.
I hope we can do it like that again next year, because i was really able to dial in everything and show off some VFX in a 48 Hr timeline. They were impressed that we were able to do it all in such a short time.
At the moment we don't know who won, but im feeling very confident about our submission.
The Music Video Challenge
This one was VERY different. The 48 hr was all hands on deck full team effort, but this one fell apart after the event.
Two of my teammates went to the event and got the song, and one got one for themselves. (this person was part of 3 teams in this event, and they are super talented.)
Well, this time we had 7 days to interpret the music, and have it all done. The event was on Wednesday, and i listened to the song a dozen times to get a good feel for it and picture something. (dont judge my process until you try it) i got an idea, and we all agreed, but no one had a location, and we needed to find one. So, I waited for this member to work their magic with a location. Monday rolls up and we have no location.
I re-brainstorm at work, and since my kids were out of school that day, I could see if they wanna be the subjects, and of course they agree without hesitation.
I take them to the park, with my new T7i, and i set up for the first shot, and the battery was almost dead. AAAnd the last two were dead too. So... Im not about to risk the park being full of people if i go and get my T3i, so i use my phone as a camera.
We shoot all we need there without issues, and its almost time to get the Mrs. from work, so we head home and find that she was already home.
She tried calling, text, voicemails- and i didnt get a single one. Needless to say, she was PISSED and worried to the bone.
The next day the teammate who i thought was looking for a location wanted to get some BTS footage, (Which i feel was unnecessary) and it took 15min to set up, 15 min to shoot, and 10 to breakdown.
Now, i got my sub in on time, but there was an issue i had to correct, and re-submit (which they were cool about it, thankfully) That was another late night.
The videos were put up and votes were pouring in. On other videos anyway.
I posted the link, shared it, tagged people all throughout the vote week, and I made 5th place out of 6 videos. I'm usually not a sore loser, but this time it really irks my mind. One team cut a movie to their music, soo, im thinking they should be disqualified for plagiarism. Most of the others were just weird, or didn't make any sense. I'm thinking why would anyone vote for a video like these??
Do they consider this entertaining? Or Art? Because i didn't see it as either.
One did an animation short, which happened to be the multitasking teammate.
They got 3rd place i think. I didnt mind losing to them.
But what bothers me MOST of all about it is that even with my excessive sharing and tagging on my list of over 500 people, I only had 64 votes.
Thats 64 people who likes my work and/or supports me in film.
Only 64 people.
1st had 480, 2nd 466, 3rd 92.
64 people believe in me and my work.
It's depressing AF.
What i get from this contest is this:
These people do NOT play fair.
Next year, it's BEAST MODE. No Mercy.
The Cat Scratch
My youngest was playing outside, and a neighbors cat was in our yard.
He tried to pet the kitty sweetly, but it scratched my boy on his face, by his eye.
I hosed that little asshole cat. Then got a mop bucket of water, and threw it at it. Missed totally, but that cat knows it made a mistake now.
I told the kids who own the cat, that if i see it on my property again, i will shoot it with my BB gun. Cause I don't play that. They told their dad, and he says if i kill it ill be getting them a new cat.
I laughed. I have my response for if he tells me to my face.
1. This park doesn't allow pets outside without a leash.
2. Your cat has no collar, therefore deemed a stray.
3. I was instructed, BY THE LANDLORD, if i see a stray cat, shoot it. We don't need them ripping out insulation from under the trailers and dragging trash everywhere.
4. A BB gun wont kill it unless its a point blank shot under the chin, eye socket, or heart.
5. To ease the mind of the young ones, I have an airsoft pistol ill use first. If it comes back, ill bring out the BB gun. If it comes here AGAIN, well. It will be the last time.
6. I'm not buying anyone a cat. Catch that possum that hangs out in your yard if you want a pet that hisses and scratches kids. Ill get rid of it too.
I have no beef with you, your mother, nor your kids. But that cat is not on my good side.
Bus and School trouble
So my oldest was on the bus, and was trying to get up to get off the bus after school, and some kid grabs his ankle, scratches, and breaks skin. He hit the kid off him.
The next day, my youngest claims, on the morning bus, a kid was hitting my boys head on the window. He told the kid to stop, and called for the driver to help, and they did nothing. So my boy hit this kid in the head, and the driver wrote him up for it.
We got the note that afternoon, and i was super pissed off.
The Mrs. wrote a note to whoever picks up the signed slip, explaining our sons side to the story, and he will not be punished for defending himself. Especially when he did as the school wanted him to do, (tell an adult) and they did nothing until he defended himself against the bully.
I have a few things to say to the principal if i get a call about the note or his "behavior".
1. He wouldn't have had to defend himself, if the driver had listened to him calling for help.
2. I will not allow my kids to be bullied by anyone. I refuse to allow it. If they defend themselves, its because no adult would help. Know that to be the ONLY reason they will engage in violence.
3. Your no violence policy is a rule for a fantasy world. These rules will be broken over and over. Bullies will ALWAYS target those who are less likely to defend themselves. By telling ALL kids not to fight back, is putting a target on every student.
4. I mean which person would be an easier target? A little skinny kid, with glasses, or the tall strong kid with a baseball bat?
Recently my team and I had participated in a 48Hr Film challenge.
We got the Horror genre, and as it so happens, me and a teammate just shot a horror short with my oldest son and it turned out really good.
So, after the event, we went to a coffee shop and worked out an idea and script. The only thing we didn't have was a location. By this time it was already past 10pm, so most people i could call were sleeping. But we did find a place, and we wrapped up around 2 or 3 am. I remember being home at 4, and dumping footage.
That Saturday, while the other teams were starting to shoot, I was starting to edit. 5 Doughnuts, 3 Kolaches, half box of teddy grams and nilla wafers, 12 chicken nuggets and pizza rolls AND 16 hours later...
I had it cut, VFX'd audio- Totally done and rendering. Before Bed (at 4am again) I set it to send tto the submission email.
The next morning, i was informed we were the first team to get their submission in at 730 am sunday.
So Sunday was a day to relax while everyone else was racing to get their videos in.
I hope we can do it like that again next year, because i was really able to dial in everything and show off some VFX in a 48 Hr timeline. They were impressed that we were able to do it all in such a short time.
At the moment we don't know who won, but im feeling very confident about our submission.
The Music Video Challenge
This one was VERY different. The 48 hr was all hands on deck full team effort, but this one fell apart after the event.
Two of my teammates went to the event and got the song, and one got one for themselves. (this person was part of 3 teams in this event, and they are super talented.)
Well, this time we had 7 days to interpret the music, and have it all done. The event was on Wednesday, and i listened to the song a dozen times to get a good feel for it and picture something. (dont judge my process until you try it) i got an idea, and we all agreed, but no one had a location, and we needed to find one. So, I waited for this member to work their magic with a location. Monday rolls up and we have no location.
I re-brainstorm at work, and since my kids were out of school that day, I could see if they wanna be the subjects, and of course they agree without hesitation.
I take them to the park, with my new T7i, and i set up for the first shot, and the battery was almost dead. AAAnd the last two were dead too. So... Im not about to risk the park being full of people if i go and get my T3i, so i use my phone as a camera.
We shoot all we need there without issues, and its almost time to get the Mrs. from work, so we head home and find that she was already home.
She tried calling, text, voicemails- and i didnt get a single one. Needless to say, she was PISSED and worried to the bone.
The next day the teammate who i thought was looking for a location wanted to get some BTS footage, (Which i feel was unnecessary) and it took 15min to set up, 15 min to shoot, and 10 to breakdown.
Now, i got my sub in on time, but there was an issue i had to correct, and re-submit (which they were cool about it, thankfully) That was another late night.
The videos were put up and votes were pouring in. On other videos anyway.
I posted the link, shared it, tagged people all throughout the vote week, and I made 5th place out of 6 videos. I'm usually not a sore loser, but this time it really irks my mind. One team cut a movie to their music, soo, im thinking they should be disqualified for plagiarism. Most of the others were just weird, or didn't make any sense. I'm thinking why would anyone vote for a video like these??
Do they consider this entertaining? Or Art? Because i didn't see it as either.
One did an animation short, which happened to be the multitasking teammate.
They got 3rd place i think. I didnt mind losing to them.
But what bothers me MOST of all about it is that even with my excessive sharing and tagging on my list of over 500 people, I only had 64 votes.
Thats 64 people who likes my work and/or supports me in film.
Only 64 people.
1st had 480, 2nd 466, 3rd 92.
64 people believe in me and my work.
It's depressing AF.
What i get from this contest is this:
These people do NOT play fair.
Next year, it's BEAST MODE. No Mercy.
The Cat Scratch
My youngest was playing outside, and a neighbors cat was in our yard.
He tried to pet the kitty sweetly, but it scratched my boy on his face, by his eye.
I hosed that little asshole cat. Then got a mop bucket of water, and threw it at it. Missed totally, but that cat knows it made a mistake now.
I told the kids who own the cat, that if i see it on my property again, i will shoot it with my BB gun. Cause I don't play that. They told their dad, and he says if i kill it ill be getting them a new cat.
I laughed. I have my response for if he tells me to my face.
1. This park doesn't allow pets outside without a leash.
2. Your cat has no collar, therefore deemed a stray.
3. I was instructed, BY THE LANDLORD, if i see a stray cat, shoot it. We don't need them ripping out insulation from under the trailers and dragging trash everywhere.
4. A BB gun wont kill it unless its a point blank shot under the chin, eye socket, or heart.
5. To ease the mind of the young ones, I have an airsoft pistol ill use first. If it comes back, ill bring out the BB gun. If it comes here AGAIN, well. It will be the last time.
6. I'm not buying anyone a cat. Catch that possum that hangs out in your yard if you want a pet that hisses and scratches kids. Ill get rid of it too.
I have no beef with you, your mother, nor your kids. But that cat is not on my good side.
Bus and School trouble
So my oldest was on the bus, and was trying to get up to get off the bus after school, and some kid grabs his ankle, scratches, and breaks skin. He hit the kid off him.
The next day, my youngest claims, on the morning bus, a kid was hitting my boys head on the window. He told the kid to stop, and called for the driver to help, and they did nothing. So my boy hit this kid in the head, and the driver wrote him up for it.
We got the note that afternoon, and i was super pissed off.
The Mrs. wrote a note to whoever picks up the signed slip, explaining our sons side to the story, and he will not be punished for defending himself. Especially when he did as the school wanted him to do, (tell an adult) and they did nothing until he defended himself against the bully.
I have a few things to say to the principal if i get a call about the note or his "behavior".
1. He wouldn't have had to defend himself, if the driver had listened to him calling for help.
2. I will not allow my kids to be bullied by anyone. I refuse to allow it. If they defend themselves, its because no adult would help. Know that to be the ONLY reason they will engage in violence.
3. Your no violence policy is a rule for a fantasy world. These rules will be broken over and over. Bullies will ALWAYS target those who are less likely to defend themselves. By telling ALL kids not to fight back, is putting a target on every student.
4. I mean which person would be an easier target? A little skinny kid, with glasses, or the tall strong kid with a baseball bat?
Saturday, May 27, 2017
The 5-27
So, today is the day.
I took a big step to... well a major change.
Today, I went to LuMon's burial site. I talked to him, and told him a bit about what has happened since the last time i visited him. My family came with me, and finaly got to meet him.
I came to a conclusion. With this happening at such a young age, its natural id blame myself. (at any age it'd be normal to do that) but the timing was rough. It got into my mind and heart that it was my fault. Like, if i didnt feel guilty, i wouldnt be human, or something. I let the day cripple me in such a way, I stayed introverted, made less friends, got afraid of getting close to people, but when i did, i'd hold them too close, until they push away. So, relationship tug-of war in a way. I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, because it felt like celebrating his death. So i tried not too.
I didnt want to. Most celebrations on my birthday since then was... not exactly consensual.
in my mind, i'd be telling myself i didnt deserve this. A celebration, or this happiness.
I ran from all of this, for 22 years. I need to stop blaming myself, stop running.
I learned something back then, but it wasnt to push people away and never celebrate that day again... It was to enjoy every moment you have, because it may be your last. And as far as those you care about, be there for them, love them, because it may be the last time to see them.
Celebrate life.
While at the site, i looked at the picture, and the wind blew it closed. not just once, but several times. From how i understood this was it was him telling me to stop beating myself up about it. To let it go. He wouldnt want me to do this to myself. "Shut the door" so to speak.
I think thats what ill do. stop living in the past. Remember him of course, but i cant dwell on it and blame myself anymore.
First step. I may visit next year too, and i know i want to do RR in memory of him.
I took a big step to... well a major change.
Today, I went to LuMon's burial site. I talked to him, and told him a bit about what has happened since the last time i visited him. My family came with me, and finaly got to meet him.
I came to a conclusion. With this happening at such a young age, its natural id blame myself. (at any age it'd be normal to do that) but the timing was rough. It got into my mind and heart that it was my fault. Like, if i didnt feel guilty, i wouldnt be human, or something. I let the day cripple me in such a way, I stayed introverted, made less friends, got afraid of getting close to people, but when i did, i'd hold them too close, until they push away. So, relationship tug-of war in a way. I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, because it felt like celebrating his death. So i tried not too.
I didnt want to. Most celebrations on my birthday since then was... not exactly consensual.
in my mind, i'd be telling myself i didnt deserve this. A celebration, or this happiness.
I ran from all of this, for 22 years. I need to stop blaming myself, stop running.
I learned something back then, but it wasnt to push people away and never celebrate that day again... It was to enjoy every moment you have, because it may be your last. And as far as those you care about, be there for them, love them, because it may be the last time to see them.
Celebrate life.
While at the site, i looked at the picture, and the wind blew it closed. not just once, but several times. From how i understood this was it was him telling me to stop beating myself up about it. To let it go. He wouldnt want me to do this to myself. "Shut the door" so to speak.
I think thats what ill do. stop living in the past. Remember him of course, but i cant dwell on it and blame myself anymore.
First step. I may visit next year too, and i know i want to do RR in memory of him.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Birthday Month: #2
This month is supposed to be more happy for me, and my family...
Wifes birthday, one of my son's birthday, my birthday, last day of school and the first day of summer.
Also, the past 3 years, May means a paid film-related project.
But, this month is also a reminder of my 9th birthday party. It never fails.
This year, is the first year in a while I may actually WANT to do something for it.
(To see first Blog this is related to, heres the link:
http://mindofmykosis.blogspot.com/2015/05/birthday-month.html
***Be aware, it may be depressing.***)
(So may be the rest of this blog)
As stated in the first blog on this topic, i get sad and depressed every May. It's hard to for me to be anything else in May anymore. I dont want to forget him, but i dont want the event to haunt me either.
I really should visit his site, and just talk to him. It may help with closure, seeing as how i didnt attend the funeral. (I was told I would regret not going... and I do.) I didnt think i could handle it emotionally. I probably would have broken apart, after all, i feel so responsible. The way his parents looked at me afterwards, the way they reacted, and sued us. They totally blamed me. I could see it in his mother's eyes. They were still in denial, but the fear of the facts were slowly creeping up on her. She will never be able to hug her baby again. Never be able to call him to dinner, or help him with his homework. Never see her baby graduate High School at the top of his class, get a great respectful job, and marry a good woman and give her grand babies. The three special little words he told her every day will never be heard from him again... She gave me a little picture of him. I with i still had it. But i remember the picture. Ill never see him again either.
I'm sure his family still curses me to this day. Might Still swear that "little boy" did it on purpose, and got away with it.
I could have done something. I SHOULD have done something. Reach out to him and grab his hand, float over to him and help him up. Try to save him straight up, or just call for help.
I fear this of my children. I fear that the feeling may be repaid to me, of losing a child. I can only imagine it- and then i want to cry and never stop. I love them, and every word they speak. Every face they make, noises that irritate me, and when they play with their food, or create something that makes no sense... I love the shit out of them.
I dont want to imagine my life without them.
I would be hollow. I would be unable to feel.
I may never laugh again if it really happened.
I did make a promise to him when i visited him the first time with the Marine Recruiter Officer. To live life for the both of us. I have lived life for half of myself.
It's past time to live up to that promise.
"RR-LB"
Wifes birthday, one of my son's birthday, my birthday, last day of school and the first day of summer.
Also, the past 3 years, May means a paid film-related project.
But, this month is also a reminder of my 9th birthday party. It never fails.
This year, is the first year in a while I may actually WANT to do something for it.
(To see first Blog this is related to, heres the link:
http://mindofmykosis.blogspot.com/2015/05/birthday-month.html
***Be aware, it may be depressing.***)
(So may be the rest of this blog)
As stated in the first blog on this topic, i get sad and depressed every May. It's hard to for me to be anything else in May anymore. I dont want to forget him, but i dont want the event to haunt me either.
I really should visit his site, and just talk to him. It may help with closure, seeing as how i didnt attend the funeral. (I was told I would regret not going... and I do.) I didnt think i could handle it emotionally. I probably would have broken apart, after all, i feel so responsible. The way his parents looked at me afterwards, the way they reacted, and sued us. They totally blamed me. I could see it in his mother's eyes. They were still in denial, but the fear of the facts were slowly creeping up on her. She will never be able to hug her baby again. Never be able to call him to dinner, or help him with his homework. Never see her baby graduate High School at the top of his class, get a great respectful job, and marry a good woman and give her grand babies. The three special little words he told her every day will never be heard from him again... She gave me a little picture of him. I with i still had it. But i remember the picture. Ill never see him again either.
I'm sure his family still curses me to this day. Might Still swear that "little boy" did it on purpose, and got away with it.
I could have done something. I SHOULD have done something. Reach out to him and grab his hand, float over to him and help him up. Try to save him straight up, or just call for help.
I fear this of my children. I fear that the feeling may be repaid to me, of losing a child. I can only imagine it- and then i want to cry and never stop. I love them, and every word they speak. Every face they make, noises that irritate me, and when they play with their food, or create something that makes no sense... I love the shit out of them.
I dont want to imagine my life without them.
I would be hollow. I would be unable to feel.
I may never laugh again if it really happened.
I did make a promise to him when i visited him the first time with the Marine Recruiter Officer. To live life for the both of us. I have lived life for half of myself.
It's past time to live up to that promise.
"RR-LB"
Monday, April 25, 2016
Lets try something here...
I am sick of it.
(Whiney bitch alert)
I do the MS for my family (under the assumption none read this anyway) and i bust my ass on them. Every time i release one its better than the last. I give them out on Christmas as gifts, because afterall it is made with them in mind on various clips. I think about who would like this clip, who might catch what I did there. I sort through all the endless hours of footage from Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, goofy stuff around the house or family visits- It's a LOT of stuff- and put the cream of the crop on the timeline, sort through several songs to find one that best suits the video, then resize it to fit the music. Then to the next clip... Until all are done, i have open and credits to do (pain) I feel i have to be more creative here, and show off my VFX skills here. And i LOVE IT. I become amazed with it every time i do it. Ep 4's open was a StarWars scroll, and ship crashes into words, and Imperial March Hip-Hop Cover. Ep 5's open represented Dr Who, with a metal cover of the theme, and it rocked the hell out of the DVD's open. Sent me to chills. 4's Credits was kind of an inspiration from Tokyo Drift's end credits, but with Imagine Dragons' "Monster"- again, it was awesome. 5's credits was a tour of the solar system with "Rocket Ship" over it. It makes me so proud to see those. With 5, i added two slide shows, which i hate to do, but lack of footage forced my hand... They were real tear-jerkers too. Ep 4 & 5 were friggn great.
Spent so much time rendering, planning, sifting, editing, effects- It was a loooong process and well worth it to me.
I ask for opinions, and i get a few, which is awesome. I'm looking for specific people's responses though. I have been as passive as i can about it and i said "screw it".
Itll be for my wife and I now. Our memories for when were all old and falling apart. We can see our babies grow all over again.
Most people who got it, didn't want it in the first place. I forced it on them. I went to school for this shit damnit. I want to show my family my skills with their nephews/cousins/grandsons that they supposedly "love".
If they loved these little squirts as much as i do to go through different forms of hell for them, and keep their family in the loop- they would have been so excited to watch it, they wouldn't shut up about it.
Not everyone gets excited about it, ok- you have your own lives and thats all good. It's just an hour or so. That's it. If you see them both back to back. Split 'em, idk. I made it for you. At least you could look at it before you throw it aside like it doesn't mean anything...
I get the impression some may think it's just a cheaper alternative than buying gifts. Like giving a picture in a frame. Its generic, impersonal and inexpensive. Im cool with that. I do 30 pictures a second. I give 108,000+ Pictures in consecutive order, but looked at as differently. Why? Because you have to put it in a player? It'll take too much time?
Look, it is much more cost effective than buying a gift for everyone, yes. I am Saving a sh*t load of money on doing this. But how much time did i spend? 160 Hours or so? Last time i checked, it wasn't the amount of money spent that proves how much you care, but the thought behind it.
How long did it take to decide what to buy for someone? To choose the card? Maybe an hour together? Is that all your family is worth? An hour of thought once a year?
It is materialistic thinking like that which pisses me off quicker than anything about giving gifts.
My family, my kids, are worth more than an hour's thought once a year.
Try spending 160 hours or so designing the perfect gift for all of those you care for.
The theme, the layout, musical score, visual effects, flow, DVD design, and cover design...
Do it. Try to do it one time. See how much work it is.
Funny thing it, I LOVE to do it. I enjoy it, and i find it to be so much fun!
I just wanted to share the fun with my loved ones. If they dont want to take an hour out of one day to watch it, and have a laugh or two, then thats their problem.
I have decided to do it for my boys and wife. ( and a few people i KNOW WANT to see them)
And who ever asks. (family-wise) On top of that, i'll have one print day. If i dont have your order by that day, you missed out. Sorry, but you had your chance.
Who knows... when i'm "rich and famous" they may want me to autograph them... and the 6 & 7 will be a Limited Edition... And they'll wish they had one.
Let's see who says something to me about this.
If you don't want it, say something. Throw it back at me.
Then at least I'll know who my haters are.
(Whiney bitch alert)
I do the MS for my family (under the assumption none read this anyway) and i bust my ass on them. Every time i release one its better than the last. I give them out on Christmas as gifts, because afterall it is made with them in mind on various clips. I think about who would like this clip, who might catch what I did there. I sort through all the endless hours of footage from Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, goofy stuff around the house or family visits- It's a LOT of stuff- and put the cream of the crop on the timeline, sort through several songs to find one that best suits the video, then resize it to fit the music. Then to the next clip... Until all are done, i have open and credits to do (pain) I feel i have to be more creative here, and show off my VFX skills here. And i LOVE IT. I become amazed with it every time i do it. Ep 4's open was a StarWars scroll, and ship crashes into words, and Imperial March Hip-Hop Cover. Ep 5's open represented Dr Who, with a metal cover of the theme, and it rocked the hell out of the DVD's open. Sent me to chills. 4's Credits was kind of an inspiration from Tokyo Drift's end credits, but with Imagine Dragons' "Monster"- again, it was awesome. 5's credits was a tour of the solar system with "Rocket Ship" over it. It makes me so proud to see those. With 5, i added two slide shows, which i hate to do, but lack of footage forced my hand... They were real tear-jerkers too. Ep 4 & 5 were friggn great.
Spent so much time rendering, planning, sifting, editing, effects- It was a loooong process and well worth it to me.
I ask for opinions, and i get a few, which is awesome. I'm looking for specific people's responses though. I have been as passive as i can about it and i said "screw it".
Itll be for my wife and I now. Our memories for when were all old and falling apart. We can see our babies grow all over again.
Most people who got it, didn't want it in the first place. I forced it on them. I went to school for this shit damnit. I want to show my family my skills with their nephews/cousins/grandsons that they supposedly "love".
If they loved these little squirts as much as i do to go through different forms of hell for them, and keep their family in the loop- they would have been so excited to watch it, they wouldn't shut up about it.
Not everyone gets excited about it, ok- you have your own lives and thats all good. It's just an hour or so. That's it. If you see them both back to back. Split 'em, idk. I made it for you. At least you could look at it before you throw it aside like it doesn't mean anything...
I get the impression some may think it's just a cheaper alternative than buying gifts. Like giving a picture in a frame. Its generic, impersonal and inexpensive. Im cool with that. I do 30 pictures a second. I give 108,000+ Pictures in consecutive order, but looked at as differently. Why? Because you have to put it in a player? It'll take too much time?
Look, it is much more cost effective than buying a gift for everyone, yes. I am Saving a sh*t load of money on doing this. But how much time did i spend? 160 Hours or so? Last time i checked, it wasn't the amount of money spent that proves how much you care, but the thought behind it.
How long did it take to decide what to buy for someone? To choose the card? Maybe an hour together? Is that all your family is worth? An hour of thought once a year?
It is materialistic thinking like that which pisses me off quicker than anything about giving gifts.
My family, my kids, are worth more than an hour's thought once a year.
Try spending 160 hours or so designing the perfect gift for all of those you care for.
The theme, the layout, musical score, visual effects, flow, DVD design, and cover design...
Do it. Try to do it one time. See how much work it is.
Funny thing it, I LOVE to do it. I enjoy it, and i find it to be so much fun!
I just wanted to share the fun with my loved ones. If they dont want to take an hour out of one day to watch it, and have a laugh or two, then thats their problem.
I have decided to do it for my boys and wife. ( and a few people i KNOW WANT to see them)
And who ever asks. (family-wise) On top of that, i'll have one print day. If i dont have your order by that day, you missed out. Sorry, but you had your chance.
Who knows... when i'm "rich and famous" they may want me to autograph them... and the 6 & 7 will be a Limited Edition... And they'll wish they had one.
Let's see who says something to me about this.
If you don't want it, say something. Throw it back at me.
Then at least I'll know who my haters are.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Big Suprise... Well, not really.
The powerball hit an all time high of 1.5 bill.
I rarely play, but since it was so big i figured what the hell.
I played a game and lost, no big. no one else won either and it came up to the above amount.
so i went ad did 5 more games. I had that feeling...
The feeling that i would get something from it. And i never get that feeling about any lottery tickets.
I thought, if i did win what would i do with that money? Really, I don't need 900 mill at all... I'd make 1 mill last for the rest of my life and have plenty for my kids to live the rest of their lives on...
But with 900... okay...
I started really thinking about what to do with that money... REALLY thinking about it.
What to do for my friends and family, and how much would be left after they were set for life...
Still a lot left, more than i could ever need in my life.
Help out the city... Surrounding cities. Donate to charities and Hospitals...
The list went on and on.
3 people won. One dude who won was already rich. Bought 15,000 games, spending $30,000. His interview, he was gonna buy a yacht.
-_-
Really dude?
It just pisses me off how selfish people can be fortunate enough to buy an unfair advantage above others and win more of what they have.
I didn't have $30,000 to spend on powerball tickets. If i had that $, to waste, I wouldn't be playing the game in the first place. Shit, I dont make that in a year. Even combined with my spouse.
And we get a stick to the face because were on government assistance?
If this Yacht guy reads this... Please, do something with it for children. Like a college scholarship, kids hospital or something. Not all of it. wouldn't ask that of anyone. You obviously have enough to do it. Make a difference in the state, donate fire department, police department.
I rarely play, but since it was so big i figured what the hell.
I played a game and lost, no big. no one else won either and it came up to the above amount.
so i went ad did 5 more games. I had that feeling...
The feeling that i would get something from it. And i never get that feeling about any lottery tickets.
I thought, if i did win what would i do with that money? Really, I don't need 900 mill at all... I'd make 1 mill last for the rest of my life and have plenty for my kids to live the rest of their lives on...
But with 900... okay...
I started really thinking about what to do with that money... REALLY thinking about it.
What to do for my friends and family, and how much would be left after they were set for life...
Still a lot left, more than i could ever need in my life.
Help out the city... Surrounding cities. Donate to charities and Hospitals...
The list went on and on.
3 people won. One dude who won was already rich. Bought 15,000 games, spending $30,000. His interview, he was gonna buy a yacht.
-_-
Really dude?
It just pisses me off how selfish people can be fortunate enough to buy an unfair advantage above others and win more of what they have.
I didn't have $30,000 to spend on powerball tickets. If i had that $, to waste, I wouldn't be playing the game in the first place. Shit, I dont make that in a year. Even combined with my spouse.
And we get a stick to the face because were on government assistance?
If this Yacht guy reads this... Please, do something with it for children. Like a college scholarship, kids hospital or something. Not all of it. wouldn't ask that of anyone. You obviously have enough to do it. Make a difference in the state, donate fire department, police department.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Choice
Another thing i'd like to share with the -not-as-public-as FB- Folk is this...
I hate being forced into doing things...
Like, hey man, i need you to do this. Thanks, Bye!
For real dude? I'm telling you no now for sure. You can do it. If you had asked, NICELY and waited for a response, I may have agreed to do so, but since you attempted to give me no choice. As in Giving me:
A. Yes.
B. Yes.
C. Yes.
D. Yes.
I scribble in angrily:
E. Go Fuck Yourself.
And when your jaw hits the floor, "Oh Mah Gawd! Did you just tell ME, the lord of the galaxy NO?!" (Thinking) *What does this word "no" mean? 'Tis a word I am unaccustomed too....*
I also hate it when people keep trying to shove things down my throat- especially the Thumpers, The Told-ya-so's, and the persistent naggers.
Thumper.
Like Bible thumpers. Those who INSIST that their way is the ONLY way. Any other way is wrong, and you will be punished unless you do it our way. (Join the dark side or meet your doom)
while in Az i got home from a 12 hr shift, im tired and hungry, and pissed off about the idiotic drivers... Then i got this guy walk up to me asking questions. Asks me if i think im a good person, if i think im going to heaven, ya know that stuff... I'm losin' my cool because there is a couch cushion and a box of macaroni screaming my name, ya know? He tells me if I am not his religion, i will go straight to hell. Even if i am a good person. I'll just go to hell. The really did thump his bible at me. Yeah. As he quoted, or more paraphrased, it to fit the point he was trying to make. (his way or no way)
I got fed up. Enough, is enough. I got closer to him and asked him... "Are you trying to convert me?"
His eyes widened, like i caught him with his pants to his ankles pissin' in a gas tank. "Uh, yeah...?"
I grinch-grinned him and said in a snarky manner, "Not gonna happen." He left quickly after that. Later found out that this same guy talked to my wife earlier and even though she told him she was the same religion, he still quoted, thumped, and condemned the non-believers to hell...
The Told-ya So's
The name is about all it needs, right? Those who keep bringing shit up that they were right about, but they keep throwing it right back into your face. "I told you it wouldn't work. Didnt I tell ya? I told ya." Watch me try it again and it work PAL. then I will have told YOU so. No need to keep bringing shit up.
Do you like when your toilet gets backed up and your shit and butt-paper comes up to say hello from the grave? No? What makes you think I like hearing and seeing shit I already flushed into the past? Leave it in the sewer where it belongs, damnit.
So you were right... Like six years ago? And since then you have been wrong, wrong, and WRONG. I made a boo-boo. I get it. I'm letting it heal and learning from it. Stop peeling my scabs off to re-open them ya jerk.
The persistant naggers
Again, saying the same thing over and over. like they didn't say it enough the past 20 minutes.
I often hear, "God says, God Says, The Lord, Jesus this and that"... Okay. You are religious, and you believe in God and Jesus. Good. Stop shoving it down my throat with the "Give it to God, and Prayers" talk. I don't really know what it is that I am, but I know I'm not shouting from the rooftops how much I love Pizza. Look, I'm not trying to diss any religion. But I haven't found one I agree with yet. For me, it's that simple. I feel there may be a higher power, but there may not be. We may be an experiment in an Alien's laboratory petri dish. Our lives may be just a freak accident of nature, and so is the nature of our entire planet. Maybe we did evolve...
What is the strangest of it all is the assumption that I have a religion... Oh you have a problem? Give it to God... To me, its their way of saying forget about it. It'll work itself out.
You can tell me to drink the water in the glass, but if im not thirsty, I will not drink it. Saying "Drink it" isn't going to induce my thirst. Then some, will open my mouth and pour it down my throat...
I vomit. Ha. Now you wear your mistake. Shove something into me that is unwanted, it will come back up. And it won't be pretty.
How weird would it be if i ran around telling people quotes from Dr Seuss books?
And from Chapter one, page seven, Sam-I-am Suggests Green Eggs and Ham SHALL be tried Here... Or there...
Then there was Blue Fish... Red fish...
And then, The Green Grinch Man Rained the Wholings with gifts and feast!
People would send me to the loony bin.
Why? Don't they deliver a positive message? Try new things? Accepting the differences? Don't be selfish? Aren't those some things in the Bible anyway?
Again, I'm not bashing on religion. This isn't even about religion.
It's about those people who won't let up. Not leaving a choice to those who SHOULD have the choice.
I hate being forced into doing things...
Like, hey man, i need you to do this. Thanks, Bye!
For real dude? I'm telling you no now for sure. You can do it. If you had asked, NICELY and waited for a response, I may have agreed to do so, but since you attempted to give me no choice. As in Giving me:
A. Yes.
B. Yes.
C. Yes.
D. Yes.
I scribble in angrily:
E. Go Fuck Yourself.
And when your jaw hits the floor, "Oh Mah Gawd! Did you just tell ME, the lord of the galaxy NO?!" (Thinking) *What does this word "no" mean? 'Tis a word I am unaccustomed too....*
I also hate it when people keep trying to shove things down my throat- especially the Thumpers, The Told-ya-so's, and the persistent naggers.
Thumper.
Like Bible thumpers. Those who INSIST that their way is the ONLY way. Any other way is wrong, and you will be punished unless you do it our way. (Join the dark side or meet your doom)
while in Az i got home from a 12 hr shift, im tired and hungry, and pissed off about the idiotic drivers... Then i got this guy walk up to me asking questions. Asks me if i think im a good person, if i think im going to heaven, ya know that stuff... I'm losin' my cool because there is a couch cushion and a box of macaroni screaming my name, ya know? He tells me if I am not his religion, i will go straight to hell. Even if i am a good person. I'll just go to hell. The really did thump his bible at me. Yeah. As he quoted, or more paraphrased, it to fit the point he was trying to make. (his way or no way)
I got fed up. Enough, is enough. I got closer to him and asked him... "Are you trying to convert me?"
His eyes widened, like i caught him with his pants to his ankles pissin' in a gas tank. "Uh, yeah...?"
I grinch-grinned him and said in a snarky manner, "Not gonna happen." He left quickly after that. Later found out that this same guy talked to my wife earlier and even though she told him she was the same religion, he still quoted, thumped, and condemned the non-believers to hell...
The Told-ya So's
The name is about all it needs, right? Those who keep bringing shit up that they were right about, but they keep throwing it right back into your face. "I told you it wouldn't work. Didnt I tell ya? I told ya." Watch me try it again and it work PAL. then I will have told YOU so. No need to keep bringing shit up.
Do you like when your toilet gets backed up and your shit and butt-paper comes up to say hello from the grave? No? What makes you think I like hearing and seeing shit I already flushed into the past? Leave it in the sewer where it belongs, damnit.
So you were right... Like six years ago? And since then you have been wrong, wrong, and WRONG. I made a boo-boo. I get it. I'm letting it heal and learning from it. Stop peeling my scabs off to re-open them ya jerk.
The persistant naggers
Again, saying the same thing over and over. like they didn't say it enough the past 20 minutes.
I often hear, "God says, God Says, The Lord, Jesus this and that"... Okay. You are religious, and you believe in God and Jesus. Good. Stop shoving it down my throat with the "Give it to God, and Prayers" talk. I don't really know what it is that I am, but I know I'm not shouting from the rooftops how much I love Pizza. Look, I'm not trying to diss any religion. But I haven't found one I agree with yet. For me, it's that simple. I feel there may be a higher power, but there may not be. We may be an experiment in an Alien's laboratory petri dish. Our lives may be just a freak accident of nature, and so is the nature of our entire planet. Maybe we did evolve...
What is the strangest of it all is the assumption that I have a religion... Oh you have a problem? Give it to God... To me, its their way of saying forget about it. It'll work itself out.
You can tell me to drink the water in the glass, but if im not thirsty, I will not drink it. Saying "Drink it" isn't going to induce my thirst. Then some, will open my mouth and pour it down my throat...
I vomit. Ha. Now you wear your mistake. Shove something into me that is unwanted, it will come back up. And it won't be pretty.
How weird would it be if i ran around telling people quotes from Dr Seuss books?
And from Chapter one, page seven, Sam-I-am Suggests Green Eggs and Ham SHALL be tried Here... Or there...
Then there was Blue Fish... Red fish...
And then, The Green Grinch Man Rained the Wholings with gifts and feast!
People would send me to the loony bin.
Why? Don't they deliver a positive message? Try new things? Accepting the differences? Don't be selfish? Aren't those some things in the Bible anyway?
Again, I'm not bashing on religion. This isn't even about religion.
It's about those people who won't let up. Not leaving a choice to those who SHOULD have the choice.
Friday, August 21, 2015
Think about it!!!
this will sound odd, but bear with the idea and possibility...
you know the felling when you are totally fine, then suddenly lose your energy?
How about deja vu?
or forget what you were doing, what you were getting, or where u were going and why?
Theory of time travel. Maybe not us per se', but a possibility of such.
A typical rule in (movies) time travel, when retrieving one from the past, bring them back before you went to get them, and they will not remember going forward through time.
I'm not entirely sure how that theory is supposed to work to be honest. I mean, to pick me up in this time, I would remember a time traveler saying "come with me", and the travel, the event to occur during the travel, and the return. Theoretically, my time line has not changed yet so I would remember all that had happened, becoming the new me within an alternate dimension, where as the old me from dimension 2 either stays or travels and not returns... Or simply just like a meld-like thing. I'm pretty sure two mes in the same time/dimension would cause a paradox and... well bad news. regardless, Memory would remain.
But basing this theory upon the theory that returning prior to time exit, would erase memory of said event...
The loss of energy. A future time traveler, picked you up, did something in the future (possibly past), and have returned, depleted of energy. Well, hell, you just ensured a historical event happened, or defended against a disaster... You suddenly are tired from kicking ass whenever you just got back from. Badass. A time-traveling hero and you don't even know it.
Deja-vu.
Brief boosts into the future, you were picked up, and brought maybe moments, or days into the future, prevented a disaster, or event, brought back to the point before, do not remember fully, but the brief memory flashes back into your head. Sometimes its scary, and you think some bad shit is about to happen after a series of events, but doesn't. Leaves you on your toes. You stopped an event from happening. (or you can see in the future and prevent it on the spot)
forgot what you were doing, or why you were going to get from the other room?
you were picked up after your thought, and returned before you thought your thought.
Cool right? makes you think a little more about why it happens right?
How do we know this isn't a real thing? Maybe those of the future (distant future) have created time travel and patrol it to create the best possible future for the human race? Bringing minds from the past to assist in future issues? History repeats itself, and what better way to solve a problem now, than to learn from the past directly? Wouldn't you be curious of historical events, and how they truly happened? I know, if we were having a shortage on electricity, I would want to go to Franklin and Tesla for answers of how they would solve it.
Maybe, in the nearer future we have developed a technology that extends our lives past 100 years. after all, with modern advances in the medical field has shown a much longer life span today than earlier in history. Average span being 40 or 50, maybe 60 at most, and now we hear of 100th birthdays. Quite remarkable. Sooner than later we will be celebrating 150th birthdays, 200th birthdays... We could turn out to be considered a type of immortal in the future... Who knows right?
Time-traveling immortals? Time-lords? >.<
Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff?
Every one of us is a potential hero or villain in another time/dimension....
And we don't even know.
you know the felling when you are totally fine, then suddenly lose your energy?
How about deja vu?
or forget what you were doing, what you were getting, or where u were going and why?
Theory of time travel. Maybe not us per se', but a possibility of such.
A typical rule in (movies) time travel, when retrieving one from the past, bring them back before you went to get them, and they will not remember going forward through time.
I'm not entirely sure how that theory is supposed to work to be honest. I mean, to pick me up in this time, I would remember a time traveler saying "come with me", and the travel, the event to occur during the travel, and the return. Theoretically, my time line has not changed yet so I would remember all that had happened, becoming the new me within an alternate dimension, where as the old me from dimension 2 either stays or travels and not returns... Or simply just like a meld-like thing. I'm pretty sure two mes in the same time/dimension would cause a paradox and... well bad news. regardless, Memory would remain.
But basing this theory upon the theory that returning prior to time exit, would erase memory of said event...
The loss of energy. A future time traveler, picked you up, did something in the future (possibly past), and have returned, depleted of energy. Well, hell, you just ensured a historical event happened, or defended against a disaster... You suddenly are tired from kicking ass whenever you just got back from. Badass. A time-traveling hero and you don't even know it.
Deja-vu.
Brief boosts into the future, you were picked up, and brought maybe moments, or days into the future, prevented a disaster, or event, brought back to the point before, do not remember fully, but the brief memory flashes back into your head. Sometimes its scary, and you think some bad shit is about to happen after a series of events, but doesn't. Leaves you on your toes. You stopped an event from happening. (or you can see in the future and prevent it on the spot)
forgot what you were doing, or why you were going to get from the other room?
you were picked up after your thought, and returned before you thought your thought.
Cool right? makes you think a little more about why it happens right?
How do we know this isn't a real thing? Maybe those of the future (distant future) have created time travel and patrol it to create the best possible future for the human race? Bringing minds from the past to assist in future issues? History repeats itself, and what better way to solve a problem now, than to learn from the past directly? Wouldn't you be curious of historical events, and how they truly happened? I know, if we were having a shortage on electricity, I would want to go to Franklin and Tesla for answers of how they would solve it.
Maybe, in the nearer future we have developed a technology that extends our lives past 100 years. after all, with modern advances in the medical field has shown a much longer life span today than earlier in history. Average span being 40 or 50, maybe 60 at most, and now we hear of 100th birthdays. Quite remarkable. Sooner than later we will be celebrating 150th birthdays, 200th birthdays... We could turn out to be considered a type of immortal in the future... Who knows right?
Time-traveling immortals? Time-lords? >.<
Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff?
Every one of us is a potential hero or villain in another time/dimension....
And we don't even know.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Boundries, Fear and Respect.
A thought crossed my mind as I answered a question asked by my oldest son.
He asked me why we had to park the car that way to put gas in it, and the best way I could describe it was with a balloon. "You can't fill a balloon with air from the top can you?" He laughed, "Nooo!" And went on explaining that there is only one place we can put the gas in the car, and that place is close to the pump when we park like this.
Well, the thought that passed me during that explanation.
Limitations, and how they mold us. Or hurt us.
I'm looking at it like a road map. If A parent were to give a road map to a 7-year old, It would most likely be the street you live on. (I'll call it Main Street) as he were to get older, more roads are filled in on the map. 1st, 2nd, 3rd... And by the time they become 16, or so, pretty much the entire city's roads are filled in, and even a few others surrounding it. After 18... All of it. The whole world.
Well, reality is: that's what we do with our kids anyway. Just with everything else. Filtering what they eat, watch, say, hear... Every limit put up is another road not drawn in on the map. Another blockade to restrict access. Another road that will have to come open to them eventually, and if restrictions are too hard, and they only move out at age 18 only knowing Main St.... its a huge overwhelming slap in the face of reality.
Ever see the movie "See Spot Run"? In the movie, the little boy's mother only allows him to eat a healthy cereal, healthy foods, and no TV... totally blocked off from the outside world. Then his mother has to leave for some reason but the sitter hasn't shown up, so her neighbor, Gordon agrees to look after the boy for a few hours, and being desperate, she agrees. Well, the sitter never shows, and the boy has to stay with him for a while. Well, Gordon gives him Fruit Loops, soda and all kinds of junk. Well... after the cereal alone, the next scene shows the boy with the box on his head, standing on the table swinging his shirt around while screaming. After a scene of sheer insanity, the boy feels awful on the couch, sipping on a 2-liter of soda. Groaning in pain.
That's what it would be like. All your life you are protected from everything, and when you step out into the real world you discover that not everything or everyone is awesome and nice. Not everyone uses nice language, or says nice things. Not everything is fair. Nothing is as perfect as it has seemed for the past 18 years.
It hits you like a ton of bricks. Live in a tiny crummy apartment or mini trailer instead of a nice house, have to have a job or two to pay for your own bills, buy your own food, car maintenance, nosey and noisy neighbors when you have an early shift, dogs barking and screwing up your yard... Lots of stressful stuff, and it happens all at once, even if you do get to keep your furniture from your folk's place...
To be blocked from "bad" music and TV shows... They will see and hear it eventually, and the restricted is more tempting than the non.
16-20 year olds drink like fish, partly because it is restricted. As of 21, it no longer that way so it's a bit less appealing.
Not saying its always like that, but it makes total sense. I know that's how it happened with me anyway. Not with everything, but there were some things i was blocked from and when i discovered them, it was a bit of a thrill. "I'm listening to rap music on my headphones so my mom doesn't hear it. *Gasp!* they said the F word! :D" (Exaggerated example btw). When I moved out on my own, it didn't matter anymore, so it happened a little less often...
A little at a time, let the discoveries make themselves.
However, not restricting a child at all gives them no fear of consequence, and would be more likely to end up being a non-law abiding citizen. Respect for authority, at least in my opinion, respect in general, comes from a kind of fear of it.
I fear a lot of things, but have the respect for it as well. Some is just more flat out fear than respect, but I still count it as respect. Fear it, like it, respect it- in a sense i suppose. I respect my wife, in a sense of fears of her bad side. I respect her boundaries because she will get pissed off if I don't, and what she could do if I disrespect her. We discussed this, and she has a similar fear, which also leads to respect. I'm not saying this is the ONLY respect. I guess i would call the other to be a fearless respect. (contradicts what i said before, i know) but its hard to explain how i can respect my sons when i have nothing to fear from them.
What it just came down to me as, is the well used "Do onto others as you would have others do onto you."
Be nice to people and they will be nice to you. Its a shame it doesn't always work that way.
Some other thing is morals. That has a bit to do with respect I would imagine as well. Some people have some crummy morals and make me wonder how they haven't been locked up and stayed there. Others, it makes me wonder why they don't have a better life? They deserve better.
(this is the part where i figured out what i was trying to say about respect)
I fear cops, I fear the water, animals, space, many people... I respect them, because of that fear. Aside from people anyway. It depends on the person's attitude, morals, and a fear of disappointment from them. If i don't care if i disappoint someone... Well... I think you get it.
This concept works for me anyway.
He asked me why we had to park the car that way to put gas in it, and the best way I could describe it was with a balloon. "You can't fill a balloon with air from the top can you?" He laughed, "Nooo!" And went on explaining that there is only one place we can put the gas in the car, and that place is close to the pump when we park like this.
Well, the thought that passed me during that explanation.
Limitations, and how they mold us. Or hurt us.
I'm looking at it like a road map. If A parent were to give a road map to a 7-year old, It would most likely be the street you live on. (I'll call it Main Street) as he were to get older, more roads are filled in on the map. 1st, 2nd, 3rd... And by the time they become 16, or so, pretty much the entire city's roads are filled in, and even a few others surrounding it. After 18... All of it. The whole world.
Well, reality is: that's what we do with our kids anyway. Just with everything else. Filtering what they eat, watch, say, hear... Every limit put up is another road not drawn in on the map. Another blockade to restrict access. Another road that will have to come open to them eventually, and if restrictions are too hard, and they only move out at age 18 only knowing Main St.... its a huge overwhelming slap in the face of reality.
Ever see the movie "See Spot Run"? In the movie, the little boy's mother only allows him to eat a healthy cereal, healthy foods, and no TV... totally blocked off from the outside world. Then his mother has to leave for some reason but the sitter hasn't shown up, so her neighbor, Gordon agrees to look after the boy for a few hours, and being desperate, she agrees. Well, the sitter never shows, and the boy has to stay with him for a while. Well, Gordon gives him Fruit Loops, soda and all kinds of junk. Well... after the cereal alone, the next scene shows the boy with the box on his head, standing on the table swinging his shirt around while screaming. After a scene of sheer insanity, the boy feels awful on the couch, sipping on a 2-liter of soda. Groaning in pain.
That's what it would be like. All your life you are protected from everything, and when you step out into the real world you discover that not everything or everyone is awesome and nice. Not everyone uses nice language, or says nice things. Not everything is fair. Nothing is as perfect as it has seemed for the past 18 years.
It hits you like a ton of bricks. Live in a tiny crummy apartment or mini trailer instead of a nice house, have to have a job or two to pay for your own bills, buy your own food, car maintenance, nosey and noisy neighbors when you have an early shift, dogs barking and screwing up your yard... Lots of stressful stuff, and it happens all at once, even if you do get to keep your furniture from your folk's place...
To be blocked from "bad" music and TV shows... They will see and hear it eventually, and the restricted is more tempting than the non.
16-20 year olds drink like fish, partly because it is restricted. As of 21, it no longer that way so it's a bit less appealing.
Not saying its always like that, but it makes total sense. I know that's how it happened with me anyway. Not with everything, but there were some things i was blocked from and when i discovered them, it was a bit of a thrill. "I'm listening to rap music on my headphones so my mom doesn't hear it. *Gasp!* they said the F word! :D" (Exaggerated example btw). When I moved out on my own, it didn't matter anymore, so it happened a little less often...
A little at a time, let the discoveries make themselves.
However, not restricting a child at all gives them no fear of consequence, and would be more likely to end up being a non-law abiding citizen. Respect for authority, at least in my opinion, respect in general, comes from a kind of fear of it.
I fear a lot of things, but have the respect for it as well. Some is just more flat out fear than respect, but I still count it as respect. Fear it, like it, respect it- in a sense i suppose. I respect my wife, in a sense of fears of her bad side. I respect her boundaries because she will get pissed off if I don't, and what she could do if I disrespect her. We discussed this, and she has a similar fear, which also leads to respect. I'm not saying this is the ONLY respect. I guess i would call the other to be a fearless respect. (contradicts what i said before, i know) but its hard to explain how i can respect my sons when i have nothing to fear from them.
What it just came down to me as, is the well used "Do onto others as you would have others do onto you."
Be nice to people and they will be nice to you. Its a shame it doesn't always work that way.
Some other thing is morals. That has a bit to do with respect I would imagine as well. Some people have some crummy morals and make me wonder how they haven't been locked up and stayed there. Others, it makes me wonder why they don't have a better life? They deserve better.
(this is the part where i figured out what i was trying to say about respect)
I fear cops, I fear the water, animals, space, many people... I respect them, because of that fear. Aside from people anyway. It depends on the person's attitude, morals, and a fear of disappointment from them. If i don't care if i disappoint someone... Well... I think you get it.
This concept works for me anyway.
Monday, June 8, 2015
A little value
No one has ever told me, but it has come to my realization that people has mistaken my kindness as a weakness.
I have been walked on, kicked aside, and talked down to for as long as I can remember. I was taught to not say anything if you don't have anything nice to say, yet I was also taught to defend myself.
I have never had to defend myself physically (thank goodness) but verbally- I have this clench in my gut to blurt out the first ignorant and hateful thing that pops in.
Some people push me to the point where I can feel the blood rushing to my face, and I'm doing less listening, and more focusing on not blacking out.
If I do have something good, and rational to say... it's usually an hour after it happened. Sometimes a day or two. I'm not great at thinking of quick responses on the spot, but when i do have one, it's a good one that would have put them in their place.
I try to be a kind person. Some people know what buttons to push to get under my skin. When I say something, and stick up for myself, i'm suddenly a jerk.
Even when I feel as though they don't deserve the respect I give them...
I may get annoyed by certain people, and want to break their nose on a daily basis... But if it came down to it, If they were in a situation that they needed help... I would still help. Even though I dislike them strongly.
Why? Because i'm human. And as this kind person I try to be, I try to see things from the other party's eyes, and walk in their shoes. Sometimes I understand, others I don't. But they are human too, and their life, though it may seem unvalued, or undeserved, still is priceless.
I value life of everyone. Enemies, allies, friends, family, strangers, born or unborn, gay or straight, every race under the sun-
I value your life.
Value the lives of those who you feel don't deserve it, and the lives of those who do.
I have been walked on, kicked aside, and talked down to for as long as I can remember. I was taught to not say anything if you don't have anything nice to say, yet I was also taught to defend myself.
I have never had to defend myself physically (thank goodness) but verbally- I have this clench in my gut to blurt out the first ignorant and hateful thing that pops in.
Some people push me to the point where I can feel the blood rushing to my face, and I'm doing less listening, and more focusing on not blacking out.
If I do have something good, and rational to say... it's usually an hour after it happened. Sometimes a day or two. I'm not great at thinking of quick responses on the spot, but when i do have one, it's a good one that would have put them in their place.
I try to be a kind person. Some people know what buttons to push to get under my skin. When I say something, and stick up for myself, i'm suddenly a jerk.
Even when I feel as though they don't deserve the respect I give them...
I may get annoyed by certain people, and want to break their nose on a daily basis... But if it came down to it, If they were in a situation that they needed help... I would still help. Even though I dislike them strongly.
Why? Because i'm human. And as this kind person I try to be, I try to see things from the other party's eyes, and walk in their shoes. Sometimes I understand, others I don't. But they are human too, and their life, though it may seem unvalued, or undeserved, still is priceless.
I value life of everyone. Enemies, allies, friends, family, strangers, born or unborn, gay or straight, every race under the sun-
I value your life.
Value the lives of those who you feel don't deserve it, and the lives of those who do.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Birthday Month
I call this Birthday Month because my wife's birthday, second son's and mine are all in this month...
As i have mentioned before, my birthday isn't a day i look forward to.
When I was young, like 9 or 10, a friend of mine drowned at my swimming party.
As many times as I have heard how it wasn't my fault, I can't help but to feel it partly is.
It comes and goes like a cold. The thought, and images replay in my head like a horror movie, and i can't stop them. They come more often this month.
I feel i have come to hate my birthday so much I refuse to even celebrate it. I dont want a dinner, a cake, or even presents. I just want my solitude. To just be alone.
Everyone insists on celebrating it, so I never really get my birthday wish. I had a thought this year that seems more possible to help with this hole in the year.
Maybe I should go visit him on that day. Talk to him. He has been waiting for a long time... the last time I saw him was when I was about to join the Marines, so 17? 18? I'm not sure anymore. I went to him and told him I wanted to live my life for the both of us and join the services. After I raid it out loud, it sounded ridiculous. I could die, and I'm intending to live two lives? Well, obviously, i didn't go into the services, I failed the tests because I had a nasty migraine because I had to be off medications, which the result is just that. Never tried again, never got called back to try again.
Well, I have kept a part of that promise true, by living my life. I haven't entirely lived for him, but with having a family and all, it scares me that the same thing could happen to one of my boys. I wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone. Not even an enemy. The Idea of it hurts. I dont want to get that call... I also don't want to be the one to make that call. That a child of yours, who you loved with all of your being, whom you fed and kissed goodnight, and changed them and sang them to sleep as a baby. The little one who was getting the hang of his math homework, and made the honor roll will not be sleeping in his bed ever again. Will never have another meal with again. Will NEVER hear those words that make being a parent all worth it. "I love you".
Any parent would break at the idea of never seeing their child again.
What to do? Everything reminds me of my kids. They remind me of how simple things used to be, and they are so lucky in so many ways. When they say ignorance is bliss, Look at your children. Most of them only know happiness and love. They don't understand jobs, money, death, politics... Or science for that matter. They want to know about toys games and anything fun. The simplest things can entertain a child for hours. To us, its a box. To them, it's a house, then a car, then a spaceship, then a time machine that can turn into all the above.
They dont need to know about passing away. They want to be happy, let them be happy. It is only one life to live, and we dont want to waste it being unhappy, and fearing the end of our life which we know will happen eventualy.
It may happen sooner than later, so be happy. Let your kids be happy. if they do go soon. At least the life they had was a happy one.
No parent should have to bury their own child.
There had been times between that birthday, and this one where I had wished it were me instead. The pain would have been spared from his family, but placed onto mine. I can't say I'd rather it were me then. But, I still don't want it to be his family either. To remove the pain from his, would to give it to another, because someone has to bear the pain for the sake of others. Their son could have been graduated at the top of his class as a medical student. A great Lawyer, or police officer who saved more lives than he could count... Or, it could have happened another way. Drive by, drug overdose... I doubt those, but it wasn't impossible. A good person was buried. He did not deserve to go. Not yet. But for some reason it was his time. When I saw him in school, I didn't see color, religion, or even social status. I saw a friendly face, and a good heart. That is what drew me to him to be his friend.
I am told over and over how it wasn't my fault, but i remember the scene. I could have done something, helped him call for an adult... Anything.
I was talking to my cousin about something. "L" fell in, I'm assuming, seeing as my back was turned. And my cousin pointed out he was splashing about and looked like he needed help. I turned, and mentioned that he liked to goof around like that, and continued what i was saying...
I remember my cousin trying to move a floating noodle over to him to help...
Then the adults panicked to see him at the bottom.
Bits come back, and I see what i did wrong. I didn't drown him myself, but I didnt help him either, which kind of makes me feel responsible. I can only imagine what his last thoughts were. "why aren't they helping me? I wish my momma was here, I am so scared, I can't swim. Why isn't my friend helping me? I trusted you..."
He must have been terrified- unable to breathe, panicked, feeling like the end is closer than rescue.
He may not haunt me. But it feels like he does in a way. He must have been at peace, or he would have made his presence known right?
as much as I think about it, the worse I feel. I don't want to forget...
If I hear another person tell me that I am not at any fault, I'm telling you are wrong. I still feel it. Words from the living are not going to change the way I feel about the dead's passing. I bring myself to tears when thinking long and hard enough. as I stated before, it comes and goes. Like a cold. Some times its bad, and others its like the flu.
No one but him can tell me I am not at fault. That will be hard for him to say right now. I haven't been able to express this accurately until lately. Your words will not change anything. His words, may not even do it.
When I feel responsible for someone's pain... It sticks with me like a pin in my hip. It's not going anywhere. It sits inside me and festers. I feel sad, almost every day when reflecting on what i have done. I may have said something rude, and you think its no big deal. to me... its like stealing from them.
Others may be able to let it go, and forgive and forget. I don't want to forget, when I remember, I can't forgive myself.
I intend to have a film close to me dedicated to him upon it's completion. "RR-LB"
As i have mentioned before, my birthday isn't a day i look forward to.
When I was young, like 9 or 10, a friend of mine drowned at my swimming party.
As many times as I have heard how it wasn't my fault, I can't help but to feel it partly is.
It comes and goes like a cold. The thought, and images replay in my head like a horror movie, and i can't stop them. They come more often this month.
I feel i have come to hate my birthday so much I refuse to even celebrate it. I dont want a dinner, a cake, or even presents. I just want my solitude. To just be alone.
Everyone insists on celebrating it, so I never really get my birthday wish. I had a thought this year that seems more possible to help with this hole in the year.
Maybe I should go visit him on that day. Talk to him. He has been waiting for a long time... the last time I saw him was when I was about to join the Marines, so 17? 18? I'm not sure anymore. I went to him and told him I wanted to live my life for the both of us and join the services. After I raid it out loud, it sounded ridiculous. I could die, and I'm intending to live two lives? Well, obviously, i didn't go into the services, I failed the tests because I had a nasty migraine because I had to be off medications, which the result is just that. Never tried again, never got called back to try again.
Well, I have kept a part of that promise true, by living my life. I haven't entirely lived for him, but with having a family and all, it scares me that the same thing could happen to one of my boys. I wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone. Not even an enemy. The Idea of it hurts. I dont want to get that call... I also don't want to be the one to make that call. That a child of yours, who you loved with all of your being, whom you fed and kissed goodnight, and changed them and sang them to sleep as a baby. The little one who was getting the hang of his math homework, and made the honor roll will not be sleeping in his bed ever again. Will never have another meal with again. Will NEVER hear those words that make being a parent all worth it. "I love you".
Any parent would break at the idea of never seeing their child again.
What to do? Everything reminds me of my kids. They remind me of how simple things used to be, and they are so lucky in so many ways. When they say ignorance is bliss, Look at your children. Most of them only know happiness and love. They don't understand jobs, money, death, politics... Or science for that matter. They want to know about toys games and anything fun. The simplest things can entertain a child for hours. To us, its a box. To them, it's a house, then a car, then a spaceship, then a time machine that can turn into all the above.
They dont need to know about passing away. They want to be happy, let them be happy. It is only one life to live, and we dont want to waste it being unhappy, and fearing the end of our life which we know will happen eventualy.
It may happen sooner than later, so be happy. Let your kids be happy. if they do go soon. At least the life they had was a happy one.
No parent should have to bury their own child.
There had been times between that birthday, and this one where I had wished it were me instead. The pain would have been spared from his family, but placed onto mine. I can't say I'd rather it were me then. But, I still don't want it to be his family either. To remove the pain from his, would to give it to another, because someone has to bear the pain for the sake of others. Their son could have been graduated at the top of his class as a medical student. A great Lawyer, or police officer who saved more lives than he could count... Or, it could have happened another way. Drive by, drug overdose... I doubt those, but it wasn't impossible. A good person was buried. He did not deserve to go. Not yet. But for some reason it was his time. When I saw him in school, I didn't see color, religion, or even social status. I saw a friendly face, and a good heart. That is what drew me to him to be his friend.
I am told over and over how it wasn't my fault, but i remember the scene. I could have done something, helped him call for an adult... Anything.
I was talking to my cousin about something. "L" fell in, I'm assuming, seeing as my back was turned. And my cousin pointed out he was splashing about and looked like he needed help. I turned, and mentioned that he liked to goof around like that, and continued what i was saying...
I remember my cousin trying to move a floating noodle over to him to help...
Then the adults panicked to see him at the bottom.
Bits come back, and I see what i did wrong. I didn't drown him myself, but I didnt help him either, which kind of makes me feel responsible. I can only imagine what his last thoughts were. "why aren't they helping me? I wish my momma was here, I am so scared, I can't swim. Why isn't my friend helping me? I trusted you..."
He must have been terrified- unable to breathe, panicked, feeling like the end is closer than rescue.
He may not haunt me. But it feels like he does in a way. He must have been at peace, or he would have made his presence known right?
as much as I think about it, the worse I feel. I don't want to forget...
If I hear another person tell me that I am not at any fault, I'm telling you are wrong. I still feel it. Words from the living are not going to change the way I feel about the dead's passing. I bring myself to tears when thinking long and hard enough. as I stated before, it comes and goes. Like a cold. Some times its bad, and others its like the flu.
No one but him can tell me I am not at fault. That will be hard for him to say right now. I haven't been able to express this accurately until lately. Your words will not change anything. His words, may not even do it.
When I feel responsible for someone's pain... It sticks with me like a pin in my hip. It's not going anywhere. It sits inside me and festers. I feel sad, almost every day when reflecting on what i have done. I may have said something rude, and you think its no big deal. to me... its like stealing from them.
Others may be able to let it go, and forgive and forget. I don't want to forget, when I remember, I can't forgive myself.
I intend to have a film close to me dedicated to him upon it's completion. "RR-LB"
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Everyone has problems
Everyone has problems, sometimes they feel they need to talk about it. Sometimes when they do talk about it, they talk to the listener as if they are someone who is responsible for the problem. I understand why, and it doesn't bother me. I consider it to be a type of role play.
You will play you, and I will play the asshole you are pissed off at.... And ACTION!
The message comes out to me but it wont be coming out to the person who needs to hear it. But now, atleast you got out some of the anger and verbal agression that could cause more conflict, and now that it has bee "rehearsed" you can sum it up into less and less hurtful words and disscuss it like adults later when the heat isn't at the boiling point. But, some topics are just not easy to talk about under any surcamstances. Some topics are just an instant switch from good mood to bad mood. For me, It's religion. I don't like to talk about it, and I don't want to hear about it either. But, I respect that my families and friends beleive in what they want, and I will not try to sway them to or from it. It works for some, but I feel it doesn't work for me. If I can respect you in your beleifs, I'd expect you to respect me with mine. That's the Short, generic version.
Anyway, I do hate to see people in trouble because its sad to see good people with such struggles. I'd love to help everyone, but unfortunatly it cant be done.
Some people don't want to talk about it, and that's cool too. I like to talk about things that bother me, and I'm one of those "Role play" types who take it out on the person im talking to. (Sorry by the way) But when no one is around, I use my webcam and let'er rip. I have had rants that went on for 45 minutes, and there were no interuptions, no questions, nothing. Just me venting and letting off some steam. It's better than keeping it bottled up and exploding on someone later who doesn't deserve that wrath.
Oh goodness. Fewer and fewer things are stopping me from smacking some people's faces for the things they do and say. My business is my business. Not anyone else's.
You will play you, and I will play the asshole you are pissed off at.... And ACTION!
The message comes out to me but it wont be coming out to the person who needs to hear it. But now, atleast you got out some of the anger and verbal agression that could cause more conflict, and now that it has bee "rehearsed" you can sum it up into less and less hurtful words and disscuss it like adults later when the heat isn't at the boiling point. But, some topics are just not easy to talk about under any surcamstances. Some topics are just an instant switch from good mood to bad mood. For me, It's religion. I don't like to talk about it, and I don't want to hear about it either. But, I respect that my families and friends beleive in what they want, and I will not try to sway them to or from it. It works for some, but I feel it doesn't work for me. If I can respect you in your beleifs, I'd expect you to respect me with mine. That's the Short, generic version.
Anyway, I do hate to see people in trouble because its sad to see good people with such struggles. I'd love to help everyone, but unfortunatly it cant be done.
Some people don't want to talk about it, and that's cool too. I like to talk about things that bother me, and I'm one of those "Role play" types who take it out on the person im talking to. (Sorry by the way) But when no one is around, I use my webcam and let'er rip. I have had rants that went on for 45 minutes, and there were no interuptions, no questions, nothing. Just me venting and letting off some steam. It's better than keeping it bottled up and exploding on someone later who doesn't deserve that wrath.
Oh goodness. Fewer and fewer things are stopping me from smacking some people's faces for the things they do and say. My business is my business. Not anyone else's.
Friday, January 30, 2015
"Bring in the Clowns"
To get a little insight of my mindset:
When something has my boys in pain, I pretend to be a silly Doctor. There is a voice for different times of need, and sick, or pain comes this Doctor. He preforms zany operations with known tools but way-off names (like the dingle-hopper for example) the remedies are usually ridiculous and come with the same price. (fictionally of course) The point is, it makes them laugh, and the pain can subside for a moment, or longer. No parents want their child hurting, but we know very well it will happen.
They will bump their head, scrape their knee, catch a virus... it's inevitable. I know a little about pain. Much less than most people, but some.
When I was a young one, I got headaches and migraines a lot. Some felt as though a balloon were in my head. Sometimes I felt as though I were more of a burden to my parents during an episode. They never lashed out on me when i didn't make it to the bathroom in time. They understood. Which is a reason to understand the headaches my boys have, and when they "Blech", yes it's a smelly nasty mess, but these things happen. I sympathize with them about it because I know the feeling all to well.
I wouldn't have minded a silly make-beleive doctor giving me some goofy remedies for a headache... I kind of think, by keeping a sad, funky feeling person in the same mood, it feels like more of a pity party. Well, I say "Bring in the Clowns"
Only one person needs to be sad to bring in the rest of the household into feeling the same way. So, I, like the clowns, put on the fake smile to lift the mood of others, including the sick. As if to say that it happens, and there is no shame in it. Get well soon.
When something has my boys in pain, I pretend to be a silly Doctor. There is a voice for different times of need, and sick, or pain comes this Doctor. He preforms zany operations with known tools but way-off names (like the dingle-hopper for example) the remedies are usually ridiculous and come with the same price. (fictionally of course) The point is, it makes them laugh, and the pain can subside for a moment, or longer. No parents want their child hurting, but we know very well it will happen.
They will bump their head, scrape their knee, catch a virus... it's inevitable. I know a little about pain. Much less than most people, but some.
When I was a young one, I got headaches and migraines a lot. Some felt as though a balloon were in my head. Sometimes I felt as though I were more of a burden to my parents during an episode. They never lashed out on me when i didn't make it to the bathroom in time. They understood. Which is a reason to understand the headaches my boys have, and when they "Blech", yes it's a smelly nasty mess, but these things happen. I sympathize with them about it because I know the feeling all to well.
I wouldn't have minded a silly make-beleive doctor giving me some goofy remedies for a headache... I kind of think, by keeping a sad, funky feeling person in the same mood, it feels like more of a pity party. Well, I say "Bring in the Clowns"
Only one person needs to be sad to bring in the rest of the household into feeling the same way. So, I, like the clowns, put on the fake smile to lift the mood of others, including the sick. As if to say that it happens, and there is no shame in it. Get well soon.
Maybe to a point... It can help rid a fear of the pain we may come to. We fear death, we cry about death, and no one shows up to a funeral as a clown. Very few feel comfortable telling a few jokes at one either. I suppose it is seen as disrespectful to the deceased.
We need time to mourn over our loss. I understand that. But would you want the last thing you hear in your life to be sad, or happy? Last thoughts, sad or happy? I'd want to hear something funny before i expire. I'd like to leave with a happy thought with my boys laughing with me and my wife. Not leave with the pain I'm leaving them in. Not like that.
Die happy, and live happy. Life is to damn short to mope around and feel sorry for yourself, or other people. Help people, yes cheering up is almost always needed when someone is down. But their are those times we do need to be alone with our thoughts. Those happy times we remember lift us up. Some people are those of solitude. I know I am. Others like to be around people in the time of loss. Not me. I don't like to hear all the sad "dead" talk. It's like trying to give a drink of water to a drowning cat. (Fuel on the fire) "They are in a better place"... I hear it every time. It's supposed to make me feel better? If they are someplace better, i kind of want to be there with them ya know? ( i know what that sounds like, but your wrong) They arent here anymore, and no one wants to get up on the mic and say something like "Looks like His wife will never have to worry about going limp again! Ba-dum-ching! Good bye Viagra, right?"
I'd crack a smile because maybe there is some truth to it. I wouldn't mind hearing a wise-ass remark before my soul moved on. No need to hear the "He was a good man, bla bla bla" Everyone is a good person after they die. They cant do anything now... If i was an ass hole, get up for a eulogy and say "Micah was an asshole. He was a weirdo, with a lot of crazy ideas. But dammit he gave a shit." I'd get it. So I wasnt perfect. Who is? I know im gonna mess up, we all do. I learn from my mistakes just like most others.
We need time to mourn over our loss. I understand that. But would you want the last thing you hear in your life to be sad, or happy? Last thoughts, sad or happy? I'd want to hear something funny before i expire. I'd like to leave with a happy thought with my boys laughing with me and my wife. Not leave with the pain I'm leaving them in. Not like that.
Die happy, and live happy. Life is to damn short to mope around and feel sorry for yourself, or other people. Help people, yes cheering up is almost always needed when someone is down. But their are those times we do need to be alone with our thoughts. Those happy times we remember lift us up. Some people are those of solitude. I know I am. Others like to be around people in the time of loss. Not me. I don't like to hear all the sad "dead" talk. It's like trying to give a drink of water to a drowning cat. (Fuel on the fire) "They are in a better place"... I hear it every time. It's supposed to make me feel better? If they are someplace better, i kind of want to be there with them ya know? ( i know what that sounds like, but your wrong) They arent here anymore, and no one wants to get up on the mic and say something like "Looks like His wife will never have to worry about going limp again! Ba-dum-ching! Good bye Viagra, right?"
I'd crack a smile because maybe there is some truth to it. I wouldn't mind hearing a wise-ass remark before my soul moved on. No need to hear the "He was a good man, bla bla bla" Everyone is a good person after they die. They cant do anything now... If i was an ass hole, get up for a eulogy and say "Micah was an asshole. He was a weirdo, with a lot of crazy ideas. But dammit he gave a shit." I'd get it. So I wasnt perfect. Who is? I know im gonna mess up, we all do. I learn from my mistakes just like most others.
A smile can do more help than damage. A laugh has ability to heal by lifting the spirits (among other medical reasons) There shouldnt be any occasion where a joke isn't welcome.
Monday, December 15, 2014
Santa Claus Magic + Some
Santa Clause. So many kids believe in him as a magical man who wears a red suit, drives a magic reindeer pulled sleigh, and delivers toys to kids on Christmas that his magic elves made for the good girls and boys.
Now I don't like the lies we (as adults) tell our kids when it comes to this. It seems wrong. But i suppose in a way it isn't a FULL lie.
Santa did exist a long time ago, and from what I gathered was he made small toys out of wood and gave them to the kids in nearby towns on Christmas. There's movies on it, and you can bet there are books too. So, its us continuing his tradition of giving, and knowing if our kids are being good or not. The spirit in which we give IS the SPIRIT of Santa. (In a sense). The magic is something that relates to a child, telling them that anything is possible. I mean, if reindeer can fly across the world in one night, what else can be possible? ANYTHING. In a child's mind, everything is real, anything is real. They can fly, be super heroes, be rock stars, build a robot out of Lego's, the stars aren't even the limit here. Meeting aliens and teaching them our earthican language and history? In the mind of a child, it's what he has scheduled after lunch. Catching a ghost with a blanket and flashlight? Only after dark- in a child's mind. They bang on pots, and buckets with spoons... in their head they are on their second encore with the Wiggles in Madison Square, Live on TV. Doesn't make sense? Neither do half the things they do, say, or believe in. But its all clear to them. No divisions, no nay-say, no limits. It is, what it is in their mind. Color isn't an issue, unless they are taught to think it is. If any child grows up hearing they will never amount to anything... They wont. Keeping a child's imagination within the realm of "reality" is a shameful waste.
Who would you talk to about buying a car? Someone who knows about cars right? How bout some new recipes? You ask someone who's a good cook. Where do you get Ideas for toys? Ask the experts on toys... The kids. Let their imagination go nuts for now, and we jot down (what we understand) and bring it to our (adult) realm of thinking, and create the toy they want and need. Which keeping adults as ideas for toys, is always that limit unless you have that right child-minded adult who can still think in the realm of a child. Could be why a lot of toys now suck.
Well, anyway.
I was older than I should have been when my mom told me about Santa. Granted, I was upset, and cried about it for a while. I felt like magic was taken from me that day. Everything I believed in was a lie. But its not true... I believed in something based on truth, but exaggerated from someone who had the unique child-like mind set. I believe in magic today. I believe in Santa (a form of, anyway) If i didn't have my beliefs in the possibility of magic, super powers, creatures of other origin- I wouldn't have near as much fun with my kids as i do. I like to encourage the silly and absurd. Let the kids use their imagination, make up something nutty and i can make it (seemingly) legit after I record it. Like a wizard skit, my oldest had a straw he called his magic wand. Idea! Had him and his mommy have a wizard's duel. It came out looking pretty cool.
No one should be told that something is impossible, but it happens all the time. Its a limit that gets put in our heads that stops our "out of the box" thinking. it Stops new ideas.
Believing in a lot of that stuff starts with Santa, tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Its magic to us as kids, and its fun. Take the magic away too soon, those kids stay grounded, but doesn't see anything past logic and physics. Which, isn't always bad. But it may not be who they wanted to be.
*****************************************************************
***Touchy Subject Warning*** Topic: Religion*** Read @ Your own Risk***
*****************************************************************
Here's something else to ponder about...
When Santa (etc) was taught to us as kids, as well as God... Then find out that 3 of 4 are actually made up, Where did you think your credibility was gonna go for the fourth one? That would imply we adults tell the truth 25% of the time. So why do we as kids need to tell the truth 100% of the time?
As far as the big G goes... It's another form of magic. Called Science.
Anything and everything can be scientifically proven or explained. The creation of the universe, evolution, water cycles, flight...
"Someone" knew we would look for answers to our questions of where we live, and curiosity of places we don't. Something had to be done to "prove it", so it was scientifically created.
Evolution. Adam and Eve? Perhaps, on a "test" planet. Made Adam, and thought he was pretty cool. Then made woman, and the serpent came... you know the story about the garden of Eden. It very well could have been another planet. Or an alternate universe. Have we found evidence of A&E existing? No. Evolution though, yes. One thing could have happened was the Neanderthals, finally evolved to, as bible refers to as A&E, but were fully aware they were nude, which could mean the alternate test planet was possible, and now, Homo sapien is here. If A&E were the first two humans on Earth, well... Let's just say we wouldn't be so intelligent right now. (If you don't get it, its probably for the best) I'd rather be an evolved form of Ape than brothers and sisters hooking up.
I know my head is conflicted with my firm magic/science combo platter way of thinking, but it makes sense in my mind, and that's what matters about it all. I feel obligated to say that I am not putting this up in order to sway you one way or the other, I'm not spitting on your believes or your way of thinking. I'm not telling you your wrong, nor am I saying I am right. What I am saying is this is my opinion. This is what I have to say about this topic, right now. And if you don't like what I had to say, then all I can tell you is "Oh well. I warned you. Have a nice day."
Now I don't like the lies we (as adults) tell our kids when it comes to this. It seems wrong. But i suppose in a way it isn't a FULL lie.
Santa did exist a long time ago, and from what I gathered was he made small toys out of wood and gave them to the kids in nearby towns on Christmas. There's movies on it, and you can bet there are books too. So, its us continuing his tradition of giving, and knowing if our kids are being good or not. The spirit in which we give IS the SPIRIT of Santa. (In a sense). The magic is something that relates to a child, telling them that anything is possible. I mean, if reindeer can fly across the world in one night, what else can be possible? ANYTHING. In a child's mind, everything is real, anything is real. They can fly, be super heroes, be rock stars, build a robot out of Lego's, the stars aren't even the limit here. Meeting aliens and teaching them our earthican language and history? In the mind of a child, it's what he has scheduled after lunch. Catching a ghost with a blanket and flashlight? Only after dark- in a child's mind. They bang on pots, and buckets with spoons... in their head they are on their second encore with the Wiggles in Madison Square, Live on TV. Doesn't make sense? Neither do half the things they do, say, or believe in. But its all clear to them. No divisions, no nay-say, no limits. It is, what it is in their mind. Color isn't an issue, unless they are taught to think it is. If any child grows up hearing they will never amount to anything... They wont. Keeping a child's imagination within the realm of "reality" is a shameful waste.
Who would you talk to about buying a car? Someone who knows about cars right? How bout some new recipes? You ask someone who's a good cook. Where do you get Ideas for toys? Ask the experts on toys... The kids. Let their imagination go nuts for now, and we jot down (what we understand) and bring it to our (adult) realm of thinking, and create the toy they want and need. Which keeping adults as ideas for toys, is always that limit unless you have that right child-minded adult who can still think in the realm of a child. Could be why a lot of toys now suck.
Well, anyway.
I was older than I should have been when my mom told me about Santa. Granted, I was upset, and cried about it for a while. I felt like magic was taken from me that day. Everything I believed in was a lie. But its not true... I believed in something based on truth, but exaggerated from someone who had the unique child-like mind set. I believe in magic today. I believe in Santa (a form of, anyway) If i didn't have my beliefs in the possibility of magic, super powers, creatures of other origin- I wouldn't have near as much fun with my kids as i do. I like to encourage the silly and absurd. Let the kids use their imagination, make up something nutty and i can make it (seemingly) legit after I record it. Like a wizard skit, my oldest had a straw he called his magic wand. Idea! Had him and his mommy have a wizard's duel. It came out looking pretty cool.
No one should be told that something is impossible, but it happens all the time. Its a limit that gets put in our heads that stops our "out of the box" thinking. it Stops new ideas.
Believing in a lot of that stuff starts with Santa, tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Its magic to us as kids, and its fun. Take the magic away too soon, those kids stay grounded, but doesn't see anything past logic and physics. Which, isn't always bad. But it may not be who they wanted to be.
*****************************************************************
***Touchy Subject Warning*** Topic: Religion*** Read @ Your own Risk***
*****************************************************************
Here's something else to ponder about...
When Santa (etc) was taught to us as kids, as well as God... Then find out that 3 of 4 are actually made up, Where did you think your credibility was gonna go for the fourth one? That would imply we adults tell the truth 25% of the time. So why do we as kids need to tell the truth 100% of the time?
As far as the big G goes... It's another form of magic. Called Science.
Anything and everything can be scientifically proven or explained. The creation of the universe, evolution, water cycles, flight...
"Someone" knew we would look for answers to our questions of where we live, and curiosity of places we don't. Something had to be done to "prove it", so it was scientifically created.
Evolution. Adam and Eve? Perhaps, on a "test" planet. Made Adam, and thought he was pretty cool. Then made woman, and the serpent came... you know the story about the garden of Eden. It very well could have been another planet. Or an alternate universe. Have we found evidence of A&E existing? No. Evolution though, yes. One thing could have happened was the Neanderthals, finally evolved to, as bible refers to as A&E, but were fully aware they were nude, which could mean the alternate test planet was possible, and now, Homo sapien is here. If A&E were the first two humans on Earth, well... Let's just say we wouldn't be so intelligent right now. (If you don't get it, its probably for the best) I'd rather be an evolved form of Ape than brothers and sisters hooking up.
I know my head is conflicted with my firm magic/science combo platter way of thinking, but it makes sense in my mind, and that's what matters about it all. I feel obligated to say that I am not putting this up in order to sway you one way or the other, I'm not spitting on your believes or your way of thinking. I'm not telling you your wrong, nor am I saying I am right. What I am saying is this is my opinion. This is what I have to say about this topic, right now. And if you don't like what I had to say, then all I can tell you is "Oh well. I warned you. Have a nice day."
Monday, November 10, 2014
Fast Food Vent
I know a lot of people eat fast food.
And I also know I have mentioned this before.
Take into consideration that there is a human being making your order. Regardless of how hungry you are, when or how you order it, a person is back there making it. Now, take into consideration that this person may have woke up at 4:30 am, with only a few hours of sleep for whatever reason. Maybe this person hasn't eaten anything yet today. Every order someone makes stops them from eating the cold scraps they can find. Notice I said SCRAPS. This person does not get a break, nor do they get a meal without paying for it. It would be okay, but they just might have used their last bit of money to get diapers for the child they are supporting. This person could also have a history of digestive system issues, such as stomach ulcers, ulcerative colitis, hemorrhoids, etc... So not being able to eat allows the stomach acid level to increase and eat the lining of the stomach. (aka stomach ulcers) This could lead to days out of work eventually, and this person loses money.
Or, maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe they are just trying to get all the prep and clean-up done before the next crew comes in, because their spouse needs to be at work less than an hour after they were SUPPOSED to leave, and there is one car, and two kids to look after. By coming in and ordering massive amounts of artery-clogging garbage, they have to stay late to finish their job, and their spouse will be late, which can get them fired, which strains their finances...
See where I'm going with this?
You may be thinking "Gee, this guy just hates the customers!" And you are mostly wrong. I dislike many customers, because they come off as ignorant and lazy. Not only that but they always seem to come at the wrong times. That isn't their fault, and i get that. I also understand that without the customer, there is no business and i don't make money. There are customers that come often who have special requests, and when I have the time I really don't mind it at all. So, in sense, I love my customers. I greatly appreciate their business.
I would just love for some of them to try to remember how to use a toaster for their poptarts.
If you read this rant till now....
Bless you, and thank you for allowing the vent session.
And I also know I have mentioned this before.
Take into consideration that there is a human being making your order. Regardless of how hungry you are, when or how you order it, a person is back there making it. Now, take into consideration that this person may have woke up at 4:30 am, with only a few hours of sleep for whatever reason. Maybe this person hasn't eaten anything yet today. Every order someone makes stops them from eating the cold scraps they can find. Notice I said SCRAPS. This person does not get a break, nor do they get a meal without paying for it. It would be okay, but they just might have used their last bit of money to get diapers for the child they are supporting. This person could also have a history of digestive system issues, such as stomach ulcers, ulcerative colitis, hemorrhoids, etc... So not being able to eat allows the stomach acid level to increase and eat the lining of the stomach. (aka stomach ulcers) This could lead to days out of work eventually, and this person loses money.
Or, maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe they are just trying to get all the prep and clean-up done before the next crew comes in, because their spouse needs to be at work less than an hour after they were SUPPOSED to leave, and there is one car, and two kids to look after. By coming in and ordering massive amounts of artery-clogging garbage, they have to stay late to finish their job, and their spouse will be late, which can get them fired, which strains their finances...
See where I'm going with this?
You may be thinking "Gee, this guy just hates the customers!" And you are mostly wrong. I dislike many customers, because they come off as ignorant and lazy. Not only that but they always seem to come at the wrong times. That isn't their fault, and i get that. I also understand that without the customer, there is no business and i don't make money. There are customers that come often who have special requests, and when I have the time I really don't mind it at all. So, in sense, I love my customers. I greatly appreciate their business.
I would just love for some of them to try to remember how to use a toaster for their poptarts.
If you read this rant till now....
Bless you, and thank you for allowing the vent session.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Flying Solo
Lately, I have been aching to do some videos and such.
People all have lives, and i get that. All im asking is a little cooperation. When you say you will help, i expect it. It looks as though no one cares enough to say or do anything to help.
So, im flying solo. I cannot motivate them apparently, and it looks as though my film-career is a bust. I have like 17 ppl in the SETXPFM group and 2 or 3 respond to anything. Even when i tag them. Im looking for talent, and no one wants to help. I have to do all of this PRE pro, which i don't mind, but when i ask for help, and they say they will, i'm expecting help damnit.
I cant seem to get anything going here for me, and it blows. It has become an expensive hobby. I still do Sonic. I open now. 5 am to 11am. my 2 days off, the mrs works. Imagine the schedule conflicts i already have on that, much less adding another person's to the equation.
Next, it's like Im expected to do it for free. What the hell, am i a charity who donates my time for a production with little reward except a pat on the back and a "Thanks"?
I cant spend "Thanks". "Thanks" won't put gas in my car, pay my electricity, and help make up lost time on other projects and my family. If i have a job that pays, and a job that doesn't, which job do you think im gonna take bro? Food is at least a start. Work long and hard hours for no money, at least feed them. Its the LEAST you could do. So, what seems to be expected is everyone is to donate their own gas money, time and efforts to a project we see little benefit from. The only way i can get anyone a little motivated is offer some cash. Im taking gas into consideration as well as time off from work. At this point, it looks like the only one saving up for it is me. My money going to someone elses production. Sorry. Not unless you chip in to homie. And even then, ill be getting producer credits, and since i wrote the script (twice) and intend to cast, shoot, edit, and vfx it... I think its safe to say a lot of my efforts will be going into this and I expect some recognition for it, so if it has to be producer credit because my money was the only money that went into it, then so be it. I tell you what. You want this thing off the ground? Cast it, and collect a budget. How? I dont care. Fund raiser? Sell lemonade, cookies, odd-jobs for neighbors- think like you really want this to happen and you will do what it takes to ensure it does. Ill be putting my money where i see fit.
I want to do this doritos crash the bowl thing, and we have a few ideas, and some people want to do it, others don't. The ones who do get tied between two ideas. I can't do this on my own. The only help i can rely on is my 6-year old son as a DA/Actor, and Wife as a Wrangler/Crafts/DA/Actress/Secondary Camera Op.
I cant crap something awesome without given someone or something to work with. If you want to shoot something, meet me halfway, and be sure you want to do the project. if you have any doubts, lets hash them out and find what will work. Dont back out on me when it comes time. The "I forgot" excuse is old as time itself.
I'm not a miracle worker, you have to pull your share of the load, and if i give you a role to do, like casting, or writing something i can work with, I expect it to get done, and i expect updates. Its getting me all pissy that this keeps happening.
People thinking this is just something fun to do when ever they want. Well, yeah, i suppose it can be seen that way, but when you tell me your all in... It becomes a job. Thats what this needs to be for me. A Career. Not a hobby. A CAREER. I need to be able to pay bills and loans with this income i bring with this. When I don't have a reliable team, it makes it impossible.
So these people who expect me to do this shit for free, or an EXTREMELY discounted price to where its hardly worth the time, and those who wont meet me halfway on anything, or if you think any part of this post was directed to you in anyway, I say this to you:::
"Thanks for crushing my dreams of being a VFX artist and sentencing me to paying off thousands of dollars of school loan debt while working fast food the rest of my life.
P.s. You Suck.
-Micah"
People all have lives, and i get that. All im asking is a little cooperation. When you say you will help, i expect it. It looks as though no one cares enough to say or do anything to help.
So, im flying solo. I cannot motivate them apparently, and it looks as though my film-career is a bust. I have like 17 ppl in the SETXPFM group and 2 or 3 respond to anything. Even when i tag them. Im looking for talent, and no one wants to help. I have to do all of this PRE pro, which i don't mind, but when i ask for help, and they say they will, i'm expecting help damnit.
I cant seem to get anything going here for me, and it blows. It has become an expensive hobby. I still do Sonic. I open now. 5 am to 11am. my 2 days off, the mrs works. Imagine the schedule conflicts i already have on that, much less adding another person's to the equation.
Next, it's like Im expected to do it for free. What the hell, am i a charity who donates my time for a production with little reward except a pat on the back and a "Thanks"?
I cant spend "Thanks". "Thanks" won't put gas in my car, pay my electricity, and help make up lost time on other projects and my family. If i have a job that pays, and a job that doesn't, which job do you think im gonna take bro? Food is at least a start. Work long and hard hours for no money, at least feed them. Its the LEAST you could do. So, what seems to be expected is everyone is to donate their own gas money, time and efforts to a project we see little benefit from. The only way i can get anyone a little motivated is offer some cash. Im taking gas into consideration as well as time off from work. At this point, it looks like the only one saving up for it is me. My money going to someone elses production. Sorry. Not unless you chip in to homie. And even then, ill be getting producer credits, and since i wrote the script (twice) and intend to cast, shoot, edit, and vfx it... I think its safe to say a lot of my efforts will be going into this and I expect some recognition for it, so if it has to be producer credit because my money was the only money that went into it, then so be it. I tell you what. You want this thing off the ground? Cast it, and collect a budget. How? I dont care. Fund raiser? Sell lemonade, cookies, odd-jobs for neighbors- think like you really want this to happen and you will do what it takes to ensure it does. Ill be putting my money where i see fit.
I want to do this doritos crash the bowl thing, and we have a few ideas, and some people want to do it, others don't. The ones who do get tied between two ideas. I can't do this on my own. The only help i can rely on is my 6-year old son as a DA/Actor, and Wife as a Wrangler/Crafts/DA/Actress/Secondary Camera Op.
I cant crap something awesome without given someone or something to work with. If you want to shoot something, meet me halfway, and be sure you want to do the project. if you have any doubts, lets hash them out and find what will work. Dont back out on me when it comes time. The "I forgot" excuse is old as time itself.
I'm not a miracle worker, you have to pull your share of the load, and if i give you a role to do, like casting, or writing something i can work with, I expect it to get done, and i expect updates. Its getting me all pissy that this keeps happening.
People thinking this is just something fun to do when ever they want. Well, yeah, i suppose it can be seen that way, but when you tell me your all in... It becomes a job. Thats what this needs to be for me. A Career. Not a hobby. A CAREER. I need to be able to pay bills and loans with this income i bring with this. When I don't have a reliable team, it makes it impossible.
So these people who expect me to do this shit for free, or an EXTREMELY discounted price to where its hardly worth the time, and those who wont meet me halfway on anything, or if you think any part of this post was directed to you in anyway, I say this to you:::
-Micah"
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
"TEAMWORK"- a work related rant.
Ok. When you work ANYWHERE theres always a form of team work involved. When someone is not doing their share of the workload, the load falls on someone else, making their job a little harder. When ten people do half their jobs, someone else has to work 3.5 times harder picking up the slack, and the more one person has to do, the thinner they are trying to spread themselves, the job has to be done quickly, or even half-ass. Then someone has to go behind them, and THEY are seen as lazy and sloppy.
None of it is fair, damnit. Im gonna say this shit how i want to, and if theres a problem, oh well.
It isnt fair, that im told im slow, and that i need to speed up, by someone who isnt calling things out. Im only one person in the kitchen for 6 hours damnit, and i'm supposed to handle 300+ orders on my own without you calling out anything? With the stalls, I hear the loud beeps, so i know to keep an eye on the screen, but with drive thru being on a headset, i cant hear anything. Im doing tomatoes, or bacon, dishes, onions, whatever... and i look on the screen, theres an order that has a minute and a half on it already. Nothing cooking. Last week, i made a point to say something to her about calling shit out.... I got a headset of my own, so i know whats coming in drive thru, if anything. I made a point of showing her. Before that, i asked her to call it out. She round-about said "Sheah, right. Like that's gonna happen." So then... I got the headset, which was my way of giving her the finger nicely.
And lets not forget, that they also want me to bag the shit? Okay, so let me get this straight..... I have to prep for the day, make several orders ALONE for 6 hours, with a manager who comes in and saves the day by getting out a single tot, clean up, and bag your shit so you and the other two people up front can make a few drinks, and you can stick your self out the window and chat it up with a customer in the window? Why are you getting paid more than me? Why are you a manager? You make your wage AND TIPS. You get a free meal for fucks sake. I dont. I have to buy my food. its half price, but I DONT HAVE CASH for that. Guess who does? Those who get tips. So... Cooks are immune to hunger?
To break it down, I'm expected to be lightning fast, read minds, and be immune to hunger... Wonder why so many of us have health issues? Stroke? Heart problems? Stomach Ulcers?
Here. I'll explain that.
Stroke, and heart problems.... Managers with free meals.
Stomach Ulcers... Cooks withOUT free meals.
Poof.
Look. not all cooks get them... Just the honest ones do. The honest ones who choose NOT to steal from their employer. The rest eat whatever, whenever they feel like. And its hard to stay honest when your health takes a dive, and the ones who steal aren't being punished. No consequences, no problem. So I eat little things here and there to keep the stomach pains at bay. Sometimes a full sandwich.
Its total bullshit... One free meal for cooks with a 6+ hour shift. Thats all we want damnit. If we rang it up, it wouldnt be stealing, and the computer counts it, so food cost goes down.
Food cost is high because of one manager specifically who makes food for themselves, and family of like, 3 or 4 people on a regular basis. Lets also not forget when other Hops come in and make their own stuff and not ring it up. Why am i being punished for doing the right thing? It makes no sense, and I'm running out of reasons to stay honest, and be a good employee here. I shouldnt have to pull so much of other lazy ass'es slack to make their job easier, when it makes mine harder. I should WANT to help them out. "Oh, hey, let me bag that sense your busy..." Not ... "Tray 3...." *looks around; one is on their phone, one is leaning out the window BS'ng with customer, and number 3 is nowhere to be found... "Okaaaay... I guess I"LL get it, sense everyone else is SO DAMN BUSY." bag, put it on Drive-thru table. "Tray 3..." she Doesnt budge... *throws hands in the air and scoffs* Lazy ass fucks...
The best manager there has been marked as the devil incarnate or something, a total black sheep to "The Family" What ever he says, they do the opposite. She plays favorites, gives out free food to her family (as stated earlier) and the night kitchen has no idea how to train a new employee, stock, or clean without her there... its sad. He's marked as the asshole for telling them to do their jobs. He only works one day out of the week, and hes still the one manager who gives a damn enough to BE the asshole. He is running out of fucks to give at this place. Hes been considering throwing in the towel, and say "fuck it. I'm out." I dont blame him. The only thing keeping me here is the paycheck. I stopped caring like, 6 years ago. I got a family... wife kids. They need me to work the shit job to get the shit money to pay for the shit we need to shit. (you know what i mean) So, I'm stuck. I want out of fastfood. Have wanted out for 7 years now. It blows.... I have a degree in film and video production, then move to a town where it's LITERALLY useless. All i can do is TV/news stuff (which will be a big difference from film) and do the jobs that no one else wants- the "untouchables" Weddings, birthdays, graduations--- the jobs no one wants to do because of the "one chance to make it or break it" mindset.
Well i shot my first (professional) wedding last saturday. I think it went very well. It didnt stress me out as much as I was expecting- Well, one point before it, before we left for the job someone had some unpleasant things to say which pissed me off to a point of... (nvm) Well, it threw off the good vibes i was having, and the "Mojo" I had going on. Feelin' good, im ready, were set, turn the lights on and lets shoot this thing! "Kick the tires and light the fires big daddy!" and then- O_o wTf?!
Luckily while waiting for the ceremony to start, I was able to calm down and try to re-work the Mojo. Shooting some B-roll helped calm my nerves, and ease the tension. Some nice footage too, I saw mine and Stacie's but as far as camera 3's stuff... havent seen it yet, i dont even have it. Idk how long i should wait for it before i call him about it, and idk when the bride wants the video to be done by.... I sure as hell won't be calling or txting her on her honeymoon. I'd be pissed off if I got a business related message during that time.
So thats what my degree is going to... Side jobs and fun stuff on the side.
Expensive hobby, too. Yay me. I was so smart getting this degree. I cant even afford the minimum payments on the student loans when it comes due.
What the fuck am I going to do....
Tv and film are not the same.
Do you kick a soccer ball on a hockey rink? Or shoot hoops with a catchers' mitt?
"Tv, movies, same thing... " No. not really. Same game, different ball.
None of it is fair, damnit. Im gonna say this shit how i want to, and if theres a problem, oh well.
It isnt fair, that im told im slow, and that i need to speed up, by someone who isnt calling things out. Im only one person in the kitchen for 6 hours damnit, and i'm supposed to handle 300+ orders on my own without you calling out anything? With the stalls, I hear the loud beeps, so i know to keep an eye on the screen, but with drive thru being on a headset, i cant hear anything. Im doing tomatoes, or bacon, dishes, onions, whatever... and i look on the screen, theres an order that has a minute and a half on it already. Nothing cooking. Last week, i made a point to say something to her about calling shit out.... I got a headset of my own, so i know whats coming in drive thru, if anything. I made a point of showing her. Before that, i asked her to call it out. She round-about said "Sheah, right. Like that's gonna happen." So then... I got the headset, which was my way of giving her the finger nicely.
And lets not forget, that they also want me to bag the shit? Okay, so let me get this straight..... I have to prep for the day, make several orders ALONE for 6 hours, with a manager who comes in and saves the day by getting out a single tot, clean up, and bag your shit so you and the other two people up front can make a few drinks, and you can stick your self out the window and chat it up with a customer in the window? Why are you getting paid more than me? Why are you a manager? You make your wage AND TIPS. You get a free meal for fucks sake. I dont. I have to buy my food. its half price, but I DONT HAVE CASH for that. Guess who does? Those who get tips. So... Cooks are immune to hunger?
To break it down, I'm expected to be lightning fast, read minds, and be immune to hunger... Wonder why so many of us have health issues? Stroke? Heart problems? Stomach Ulcers?
Here. I'll explain that.
Stroke, and heart problems.... Managers with free meals.
Stomach Ulcers... Cooks withOUT free meals.
Poof.
Look. not all cooks get them... Just the honest ones do. The honest ones who choose NOT to steal from their employer. The rest eat whatever, whenever they feel like. And its hard to stay honest when your health takes a dive, and the ones who steal aren't being punished. No consequences, no problem. So I eat little things here and there to keep the stomach pains at bay. Sometimes a full sandwich.
Its total bullshit... One free meal for cooks with a 6+ hour shift. Thats all we want damnit. If we rang it up, it wouldnt be stealing, and the computer counts it, so food cost goes down.
Food cost is high because of one manager specifically who makes food for themselves, and family of like, 3 or 4 people on a regular basis. Lets also not forget when other Hops come in and make their own stuff and not ring it up. Why am i being punished for doing the right thing? It makes no sense, and I'm running out of reasons to stay honest, and be a good employee here. I shouldnt have to pull so much of other lazy ass'es slack to make their job easier, when it makes mine harder. I should WANT to help them out. "Oh, hey, let me bag that sense your busy..." Not ... "Tray 3...." *looks around; one is on their phone, one is leaning out the window BS'ng with customer, and number 3 is nowhere to be found... "Okaaaay... I guess I"LL get it, sense everyone else is SO DAMN BUSY." bag, put it on Drive-thru table. "Tray 3..." she Doesnt budge... *throws hands in the air and scoffs* Lazy ass fucks...
The best manager there has been marked as the devil incarnate or something, a total black sheep to "The Family" What ever he says, they do the opposite. She plays favorites, gives out free food to her family (as stated earlier) and the night kitchen has no idea how to train a new employee, stock, or clean without her there... its sad. He's marked as the asshole for telling them to do their jobs. He only works one day out of the week, and hes still the one manager who gives a damn enough to BE the asshole. He is running out of fucks to give at this place. Hes been considering throwing in the towel, and say "fuck it. I'm out." I dont blame him. The only thing keeping me here is the paycheck. I stopped caring like, 6 years ago. I got a family... wife kids. They need me to work the shit job to get the shit money to pay for the shit we need to shit. (you know what i mean) So, I'm stuck. I want out of fastfood. Have wanted out for 7 years now. It blows.... I have a degree in film and video production, then move to a town where it's LITERALLY useless. All i can do is TV/news stuff (which will be a big difference from film) and do the jobs that no one else wants- the "untouchables" Weddings, birthdays, graduations--- the jobs no one wants to do because of the "one chance to make it or break it" mindset.
Well i shot my first (professional) wedding last saturday. I think it went very well. It didnt stress me out as much as I was expecting- Well, one point before it, before we left for the job someone had some unpleasant things to say which pissed me off to a point of... (nvm) Well, it threw off the good vibes i was having, and the "Mojo" I had going on. Feelin' good, im ready, were set, turn the lights on and lets shoot this thing! "Kick the tires and light the fires big daddy!" and then- O_o wTf?!
Luckily while waiting for the ceremony to start, I was able to calm down and try to re-work the Mojo. Shooting some B-roll helped calm my nerves, and ease the tension. Some nice footage too, I saw mine and Stacie's but as far as camera 3's stuff... havent seen it yet, i dont even have it. Idk how long i should wait for it before i call him about it, and idk when the bride wants the video to be done by.... I sure as hell won't be calling or txting her on her honeymoon. I'd be pissed off if I got a business related message during that time.
So thats what my degree is going to... Side jobs and fun stuff on the side.
Expensive hobby, too. Yay me. I was so smart getting this degree. I cant even afford the minimum payments on the student loans when it comes due.
What the fuck am I going to do....
Tv and film are not the same.
Do you kick a soccer ball on a hockey rink? Or shoot hoops with a catchers' mitt?
"Tv, movies, same thing... " No. not really. Same game, different ball.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Parents, this is for the next generation...
To my fellow parents and child care givers:
I have some beef with some of you...
As being a parent or child care giver, you are in part, if not entirely responsible for who your child turns out to be when they grow up.
When a child has no discipline from their parents, the child sees no consequences for any misdeeds. If you don't pop their hand when they take something from another child, they are thinking "Stealing must be okay." And by being sweet, and saying "no, no... don't do that..." they will always do it again to test us. Many of us have that "testing" child. The child we feel a leash is necessary to keep track of them while getting groceries. A child with a parent who does not discipline will be a child with no respect for their parents, or other people. They will not respect the law, and will be arrested for whatever reason of law breaking. It starts as toys, or cookies at age two, but it grows to electronics and robing liquor stores at 25. Sometimes that kid will need a pop on the butt. Gets their attention (most of the time) and reminds them that you are the parent, and they must respect your authority. By doing so, they will respect their elders, other people, and the law. Less likely to land in jail for a serious offence.
Silly example, yet very accurate, Simpsons. In an episode where a hurricane blows down Flanders's house, and didn't touch the simpsons, we learned that Ned was quite a terrible child. Pulling kids hair, hitting screaming, slamming kids faces into tables and kicking them, just a nightmare. His parents were hippie-types that didn't believe in discipline. Ned saw no consequences for what he did, so he did whatever he wanted. After the psychiatrist spanked him for a long period of time, the good little Ned flanders ding dang doodly, was bor-diddly-orn. We know flanders and how good he and his kids are. Good 'ol religion and corporal punishment put him in his place.
You probably think something like, "That's just a stupid cartoon, it cannot be used as fact."
And I will say,
A- Cartoons are an art form in it's self, and should be at least respected as the art form they are. Not to mention all the talent that goes into it of so many varieties, of drawing, voice acting, story writing. So much goes into the 20 minutes of a single cartoon.
PERSPECTIVE SPOT: Average cartoon will be about 20, 25 minutes due to commercial break. that would be 600 to 1500 seconds. Here's where shit gets real... there are 24-30 frames per second. So, your looking at 14,400 frames in a 20 minute, 24fps cartoon. That's a MINIMUM. Can you draw the same thing 14,400 times and flip them together to make a 20 minute cartoon? No? Then keep your disrespect full comments to yourself. Want a BIGGER challenge? Think celebrity deathwatch. ALL CLAY. STOP MOTION. 25 minutes of 30fps. Move these clay dudes in a sequence of them killing each other 45,000 times WITHOUT mistakes.
RESPECT. You don't have to like it to respect it. All of us hated our parents growing up. But we still respected them. Respect the art of it before you knock it.
B- The stories HAVE to come from somewhere. The story about Ned could have very well been an exaggerated version of a true story that happened to one of the writers or someone who worked on the show. One thing i learned in my screenwriting class was that their will always be a part of you and your life in everything you write. Weather you try or not, it will happen. You will always end up writing yourself into your script. The long time of spanking Ned most likely was an exaggeration, but the initial spanking itself was enough to bring out the good little boy within. He was respectful to everyone, even homer, who stole his stuff and treated him like compost. PERSPECTIVE:
Ever watch something on TV, or on a movie and find yourself relating to a similar situation? Understanding what they were thinking without them saying a word? Find yourself wondering what will happen next to this character you just met, but feel like you've known them for their whole lives? The writers probably lived it in some way, and used their life experiences, and the "what if"s to relate to you. As a writer, I have to care about my character to write them and get you to love them, and care about what happens to them. You see a man playing with his kid in a park, and they are both having the time of their lives. Then he wakes up, and you find out his son was killed in a car accident. Why Do you care? Because you relate. You can only imagine the loss, unless we lived it ourselves, but either way, we all know what its like to loose someone we love so much. Now, you care about "A Man". You sympathize with him and his loss. If you tell me you never felt for a character in entertainment, you are lying. Respect the lives lived within the heart of the writers. Respect the ache of reliving it as you write it for a work of entertainment, to let you know you are not alone with that pain.
C- Personal example. I learned from cartoons from the 90's. I learned what some words meant, what some things were, a good idea of what to do in a situation, there were morals to the story, even if they were a monologue at the end of the show. Captain planet. Don't pollute the earth, take care of the planet. Ninja Turtles, fight for what it right, Ren & Stimpy, friends will always be there to have your back. Same thing with Rocko's Modern life. Friends stick together. Beavis and Butthead, Things can work out for the worst of us, including the most unfortunate, and how NOT to get girls to like you. That's just a few things I learned from 90's cartoons... But WTF is spongebob's message?
Cartoons affect kids too. They see what is acceptable in that cartoon world, but see something that isn't acceptable, and the character gets into trouble for it. Kids learn that stuff. They learn from watching us. If i playfully pop my wife on the butt, and my boys see it, they see its okay. Which happens... We do correct them, and say it isn't okay for them to do it unless your married. Holding doors open, and the hugs, the yes sir, no sir, yes maim, no maim... I teach my boys respect for everyone, especially women, like their momma. (she carried you for the first ten months of your life, was in labor, painful labor with you for several hours, and still sacrifices so much for you... You better respect the woman who you call Momma.)
Sum it up, Discipline your kids, if you don't correct them now, the state will correct them in the future.
By being overly paranoid about them, omg- why do you need to know what a kids poop looks like, and when it happens, and wont let your kids eat any snacks with the other kids in daycare... Now your kid feels like an oddball. And if it continues, he may hate you for the rest of his life for keeping away from all the yummy snacks the other kids eat at school. I know, you will pack his lunch with seaweed or rice cakes, or whatever health-nut stuff you got going on, and in middle school, especially, will be made fun of. Want him to be called a mermaid? Flounder? Any other ocean movie reference? No. Send the kid some teddy grams, cheese-its. oreos man. Let a kid, be a kid when it comes to food. Not only crap, but how bout a cookie or two when he eats all his dinner? That's more than fair. (this kid has no allergies or sicknesses, just a paranoid parent) No TV for the kid either? OMG. Now hes gonna be even more of an oddball for not knowing what happened on Saturday's cartoons. Ever miss a Show, and felt out of the loop when friends talk about it? That ll be this kid 24/7. The child may have a hard time using imagination, which will also prevent him from being creative enough to solve problems in many fields.
I suppose I could say these things from a personal experience. I watched TV, and I was spanked, I am creative and respectful, i have never been in trouble with the law, and I love my parents.
Every decision you make to raising their kids will affect them, even at before 3 or 5.
Most people will have a memory starting at age 5, but some will start at 3.
Not many people remember how they were potty trained, or what their first words were, or how they started walking. But we keep doing it when we are older... So what we learn before then is a permanent memory in a sense, what ever was learned will be a part of them for the rest of their lives. After that, we reach a certain age, in adulthood, that will be the person we are for the rest of our lives.
Be care full who you let your kids grow up to be, and teach them the good person they should be.
I have some beef with some of you...
As being a parent or child care giver, you are in part, if not entirely responsible for who your child turns out to be when they grow up.
When a child has no discipline from their parents, the child sees no consequences for any misdeeds. If you don't pop their hand when they take something from another child, they are thinking "Stealing must be okay." And by being sweet, and saying "no, no... don't do that..." they will always do it again to test us. Many of us have that "testing" child. The child we feel a leash is necessary to keep track of them while getting groceries. A child with a parent who does not discipline will be a child with no respect for their parents, or other people. They will not respect the law, and will be arrested for whatever reason of law breaking. It starts as toys, or cookies at age two, but it grows to electronics and robing liquor stores at 25. Sometimes that kid will need a pop on the butt. Gets their attention (most of the time) and reminds them that you are the parent, and they must respect your authority. By doing so, they will respect their elders, other people, and the law. Less likely to land in jail for a serious offence.
Silly example, yet very accurate, Simpsons. In an episode where a hurricane blows down Flanders's house, and didn't touch the simpsons, we learned that Ned was quite a terrible child. Pulling kids hair, hitting screaming, slamming kids faces into tables and kicking them, just a nightmare. His parents were hippie-types that didn't believe in discipline. Ned saw no consequences for what he did, so he did whatever he wanted. After the psychiatrist spanked him for a long period of time, the good little Ned flanders ding dang doodly, was bor-diddly-orn. We know flanders and how good he and his kids are. Good 'ol religion and corporal punishment put him in his place.
You probably think something like, "That's just a stupid cartoon, it cannot be used as fact."
And I will say,
A- Cartoons are an art form in it's self, and should be at least respected as the art form they are. Not to mention all the talent that goes into it of so many varieties, of drawing, voice acting, story writing. So much goes into the 20 minutes of a single cartoon.
PERSPECTIVE SPOT: Average cartoon will be about 20, 25 minutes due to commercial break. that would be 600 to 1500 seconds. Here's where shit gets real... there are 24-30 frames per second. So, your looking at 14,400 frames in a 20 minute, 24fps cartoon. That's a MINIMUM. Can you draw the same thing 14,400 times and flip them together to make a 20 minute cartoon? No? Then keep your disrespect full comments to yourself. Want a BIGGER challenge? Think celebrity deathwatch. ALL CLAY. STOP MOTION. 25 minutes of 30fps. Move these clay dudes in a sequence of them killing each other 45,000 times WITHOUT mistakes.
RESPECT. You don't have to like it to respect it. All of us hated our parents growing up. But we still respected them. Respect the art of it before you knock it.
B- The stories HAVE to come from somewhere. The story about Ned could have very well been an exaggerated version of a true story that happened to one of the writers or someone who worked on the show. One thing i learned in my screenwriting class was that their will always be a part of you and your life in everything you write. Weather you try or not, it will happen. You will always end up writing yourself into your script. The long time of spanking Ned most likely was an exaggeration, but the initial spanking itself was enough to bring out the good little boy within. He was respectful to everyone, even homer, who stole his stuff and treated him like compost. PERSPECTIVE:
Ever watch something on TV, or on a movie and find yourself relating to a similar situation? Understanding what they were thinking without them saying a word? Find yourself wondering what will happen next to this character you just met, but feel like you've known them for their whole lives? The writers probably lived it in some way, and used their life experiences, and the "what if"s to relate to you. As a writer, I have to care about my character to write them and get you to love them, and care about what happens to them. You see a man playing with his kid in a park, and they are both having the time of their lives. Then he wakes up, and you find out his son was killed in a car accident. Why Do you care? Because you relate. You can only imagine the loss, unless we lived it ourselves, but either way, we all know what its like to loose someone we love so much. Now, you care about "A Man". You sympathize with him and his loss. If you tell me you never felt for a character in entertainment, you are lying. Respect the lives lived within the heart of the writers. Respect the ache of reliving it as you write it for a work of entertainment, to let you know you are not alone with that pain.
C- Personal example. I learned from cartoons from the 90's. I learned what some words meant, what some things were, a good idea of what to do in a situation, there were morals to the story, even if they were a monologue at the end of the show. Captain planet. Don't pollute the earth, take care of the planet. Ninja Turtles, fight for what it right, Ren & Stimpy, friends will always be there to have your back. Same thing with Rocko's Modern life. Friends stick together. Beavis and Butthead, Things can work out for the worst of us, including the most unfortunate, and how NOT to get girls to like you. That's just a few things I learned from 90's cartoons... But WTF is spongebob's message?
Cartoons affect kids too. They see what is acceptable in that cartoon world, but see something that isn't acceptable, and the character gets into trouble for it. Kids learn that stuff. They learn from watching us. If i playfully pop my wife on the butt, and my boys see it, they see its okay. Which happens... We do correct them, and say it isn't okay for them to do it unless your married. Holding doors open, and the hugs, the yes sir, no sir, yes maim, no maim... I teach my boys respect for everyone, especially women, like their momma. (she carried you for the first ten months of your life, was in labor, painful labor with you for several hours, and still sacrifices so much for you... You better respect the woman who you call Momma.)
Sum it up, Discipline your kids, if you don't correct them now, the state will correct them in the future.
By being overly paranoid about them, omg- why do you need to know what a kids poop looks like, and when it happens, and wont let your kids eat any snacks with the other kids in daycare... Now your kid feels like an oddball. And if it continues, he may hate you for the rest of his life for keeping away from all the yummy snacks the other kids eat at school. I know, you will pack his lunch with seaweed or rice cakes, or whatever health-nut stuff you got going on, and in middle school, especially, will be made fun of. Want him to be called a mermaid? Flounder? Any other ocean movie reference? No. Send the kid some teddy grams, cheese-its. oreos man. Let a kid, be a kid when it comes to food. Not only crap, but how bout a cookie or two when he eats all his dinner? That's more than fair. (this kid has no allergies or sicknesses, just a paranoid parent) No TV for the kid either? OMG. Now hes gonna be even more of an oddball for not knowing what happened on Saturday's cartoons. Ever miss a Show, and felt out of the loop when friends talk about it? That ll be this kid 24/7. The child may have a hard time using imagination, which will also prevent him from being creative enough to solve problems in many fields.
I suppose I could say these things from a personal experience. I watched TV, and I was spanked, I am creative and respectful, i have never been in trouble with the law, and I love my parents.
Every decision you make to raising their kids will affect them, even at before 3 or 5.
Most people will have a memory starting at age 5, but some will start at 3.
Not many people remember how they were potty trained, or what their first words were, or how they started walking. But we keep doing it when we are older... So what we learn before then is a permanent memory in a sense, what ever was learned will be a part of them for the rest of their lives. After that, we reach a certain age, in adulthood, that will be the person we are for the rest of our lives.
Be care full who you let your kids grow up to be, and teach them the good person they should be.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
A listening ear.
Written on 8/24/14
Today, when one of my co workers came in, I looked at him and what I saw startled me. He sat at the break table waiting for the time to clock in, and when i saw his eyes, I could sense something was wrong. I asked him about it, and he told me it was personal.
I said "Ok. I can respect that." I was going to leave it be, because when someone wants to talk about it, they will. I said that if he wants to talk about it, it's ok. He opened up about what was on his mind. I won't tell what his issues are, because that was said between us. But the way it was said, I could sense he was wanting to throw in the towel. The combination of the pain in his eyes and voice, the concern- so much going on for him, rough past, rough present- just so much for him.
I gave him my card and told him if he needed to talk... Well. You know.
I just couldnt keep seing him with that look in his eyes. He seemed to be very appreciative for my concern, and my offer to listen.
I was always told I have a heart of gold. It's a curse as it is a blessing.
Today, when one of my co workers came in, I looked at him and what I saw startled me. He sat at the break table waiting for the time to clock in, and when i saw his eyes, I could sense something was wrong. I asked him about it, and he told me it was personal.
I said "Ok. I can respect that." I was going to leave it be, because when someone wants to talk about it, they will. I said that if he wants to talk about it, it's ok. He opened up about what was on his mind. I won't tell what his issues are, because that was said between us. But the way it was said, I could sense he was wanting to throw in the towel. The combination of the pain in his eyes and voice, the concern- so much going on for him, rough past, rough present- just so much for him.
I gave him my card and told him if he needed to talk... Well. You know.
I just couldnt keep seing him with that look in his eyes. He seemed to be very appreciative for my concern, and my offer to listen.
I was always told I have a heart of gold. It's a curse as it is a blessing.
Mo' Customer service Issues?!
Written on 8/22/2014
I do not understand what the fuck is so hard about getting
internet. I called and ordered the service on the 20th, the told me a tech
would be out on the 21st between 8a and 12p. No one showed, no one
called. I called them and asked what was up, and they gave me a round about
answer of “I don’t know” I talked to 3 different people that day, and repeat
the same thing every time, like they were to say “this guy is pissed off. You
take him.” Playing musical phones or some shit. I finaly got to talk to someone
whos first language sounded of Arabian dialect, and English may have been new
to. He told me he would put a not on my account to hook me up ASAP. And ask me
“does that help?” Uh, no. not really. The only way it helps is if I get a tech
out here to install the service I ALREADY PAID FOR. I was sent to the tech
guys’ line, and a woman picked up saying “Angie” as if she were paging an Angie
to answer the phone she picked up. She hung up on me. I called back, and she
did it again… I said hello, and she was acting like “I just answer the phone
here dude” kind of attitude. I asked to get some service hooked up and she told
me “the guy who makes the schedule isn’t here right now… Okay. So what? Take my
info and give it to him when he comes in??? someone has never been a secretary
before… I haven’t, and I know the job better than she does. I gave her my name,
and number and told her to make sure he calls me back to set up my services. I
waited the rest of the day for him to call. Nothing.
On the 22, today, I called tech again, asking about my
service installation, they told me their wasn’t an installation scheduled., He
couldn’t make any changes to the schedule because of some stupid changes the
company made. (my words, not his) so he put me on hold, and was sent to a
completely different company, who had nothing to do with the internet company I
was trying to get service from. The lady from there forwarded me back to the
tech support number, --- you know, it’s a big cluster fuck of numbers I was
forwarded to, and called, so heres the run down of this last bit.: I was able
to schedule ANOTHER appointment for, guess what? TOMORROW, between 8 and 12
again. They also told me the Tech will call me between now and the installation
to confirm the appointment. 7pm, and no call today. That was over 7 hours ago…
Wth… I have that gut feeling no one will call or show again.
I called the tech line again to see if the tech told them
anything. “If you are not installed yet, press 2” (presses 2) “the office is
closed. To check on the status of your (internet) intallation, log on to
(internet service) dot com. Have a great day!”
How am I supposed to check on the status of my internet
installation online? I need your service installed to check the status of my
installation? You’re a fucking idiot. Somone didn’t think that through.
Oh, and even more recent event- how can walmart sell a stroller
with its two fron wheels missing?! Seriously?! Is a little customer service and
common decency so much to ask?
People today are so inconsiderate and indecent. What the
hell happened to this world? Why do the stupid, indecent, and inconsiderate people have to have all the money, and control, but the good, hard
working, decent people with common sense, are broke as shit and have no control
over anything? Wouldn’t want smart people running things would we? That would
be to damn easy. Equal oppertunities MY ASS. If you have money, you have
opertunities. If your broke, your chances of getting them are much smaller.
Some people were just born into money, and never have to know what work IS. You
have to be aggressive to get anything done, which means I have to be an asshole
to get what I already worked for. I never get any breaks. I worked hard from
age 16, and still busting my ass at 28 at the same suck job I started at. I
cannot go with out a job, I am not financially stable enough to just “take time
off” like those dipshits in charge who take a vacation every month, and have 2
or more homes. I have gotten nowhere, and it looks as if my future holds the
same place: Nowhere. Because of these morons in charge, making everything so
difficult to do the simplist of things, My only meaning in life to them is fuel
the economy, which wouldn’t exist without their filthy money. They want us to
work till we die, and they make money weather they actually work or not. We
work, they get paid. Where is the fairness in that? Raise minimum wage, then
raise prices of everything else? Now were back to square one…. Nothing is fair.
Nothing is equal oppertunities. You have to be corrupt, in one form or another
to even get a glimpse of the life of the 1%. Think about this when they say
they aren’t bad guys… What have they done to help those people who pay them?
When was the last time they voulenteered at a shelter, or donated to a food
drive or goodwill? Last time they dropped a $50 in a homeless man’s change cup?
When did they actually DO something honest, and good? Maybe we cant say they
are all bad people, but I can say they aren’t all good.
Want to help the economy? Give the poor, hardworking class a
good portion of your salary. You didn’t earn it. We worked for it, and you take
it from us.
In a sense, I look at it like this. If I can force someone
to sign a document stating that I can withdraw 17% of their salary every month,
it is legal. But taking it out right by force, is not legal. Why? The document.
Paper makes it legal for someone else to take what isn’t theirs. They do it to
a few hundred million people, of every check, of every dollar WORKED for in the
country. And they call themselves equals?
I want to do that, with a document that states that I can
withdraw a percentage of money from anyone’s paycheck I choose. I’d do 20% from
the 1% population, and see how THEY like it. See how it feels for someone to
take money out of your check before you even get it. I’ll be just like them,
and never have to actually work again.
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