Boundries, Fear and Respect.

A thought crossed my mind as I answered a question asked by my oldest son.

He asked me why we had to park the car that way to put gas in it, and the best way I could describe it was with a balloon. "You can't fill a balloon with air from the top can you?" He laughed, "Nooo!" And went on explaining that there is only one place we can put the gas in the car, and that place is close to the pump when we park like this.

Well, the thought that passed me during that explanation.
Limitations, and how they mold us. Or hurt us.

I'm looking at it like a road map. If A parent were to give a road map to a 7-year old, It would most likely be the street you live on. (I'll call it Main Street) as he were to get older, more roads are filled in on the map. 1st, 2nd, 3rd... And by the time they become 16, or so, pretty much the entire city's roads are filled in, and even a few others surrounding it. After 18... All of it. The whole world.

Well, reality is: that's what we do with our kids anyway. Just with everything else. Filtering what they eat, watch, say, hear... Every limit put up is another road not drawn in on the map. Another blockade to restrict access. Another road that will have to come open to them eventually, and if restrictions are too hard, and they only move out at age 18 only knowing Main St.... its a huge overwhelming slap in the face of reality.
Ever see the movie "See Spot Run"? In the movie, the little boy's mother only allows him to eat a healthy cereal, healthy foods, and no TV... totally blocked off from the outside world. Then his mother has to leave for some reason but the sitter hasn't shown up, so her neighbor, Gordon agrees to look after the boy for a few hours, and being desperate, she agrees. Well, the sitter never shows, and the boy has to stay with him for a while. Well, Gordon gives him Fruit Loops, soda and all kinds of junk. Well... after the cereal alone, the next scene shows the boy with the box on his head, standing on the table swinging his shirt around while screaming. After a scene of sheer insanity, the boy feels awful on the couch, sipping on a 2-liter of soda. Groaning in pain.

That's what it would be like. All your life you are protected from everything, and when you step out into the real world you discover that not everything or everyone is awesome and nice. Not everyone uses nice language, or says nice things. Not everything is fair. Nothing is as perfect as it has seemed for the past 18 years.

It hits you like a ton of bricks. Live in a tiny crummy apartment or mini trailer instead of a nice house, have to have a job or two to pay for your own bills, buy your own food, car maintenance, nosey and noisy neighbors when you have an early shift, dogs barking and screwing up your yard... Lots of stressful stuff, and it happens all at once, even if you do get to keep your furniture from your folk's place...

To be blocked from "bad" music and TV shows... They will see and hear it eventually, and the restricted is more tempting than the non.
16-20 year olds drink like fish, partly because it is restricted. As of 21, it no longer that way so it's a bit less appealing.
Not saying its always like that, but it makes total sense. I know that's how it happened with me anyway. Not with everything, but there were some things i was blocked from and when i discovered them, it was a bit of a thrill. "I'm listening to rap music on my headphones so my mom doesn't hear it. *Gasp!* they said the F word! :D" (Exaggerated example btw). When I moved out on my own, it didn't matter anymore, so it happened a little less often...

A little at a time, let the discoveries make themselves.

However, not restricting a child at all gives them no fear of consequence, and would be more likely to end up being a non-law abiding citizen. Respect for authority, at least in my opinion, respect in general, comes from a kind of fear of it.
I fear a lot of things, but have the respect for it as well. Some is just more flat out fear than respect, but I still count it as respect. Fear it, like it, respect it- in a sense i suppose. I respect my wife, in a sense of fears of her bad side. I respect her boundaries because she will get pissed off if I don't, and what she could do if I disrespect her. We discussed this, and she has a similar fear, which also leads to respect. I'm not saying this is the ONLY respect. I guess i would call the other to be a fearless respect. (contradicts what i said before, i know) but its hard to explain how i can respect my sons when i have nothing to fear from them.
What it just came down to me as, is the well used "Do onto others as you would have others do onto you."
Be nice to people and they will be nice to you. Its a shame it doesn't always work that way.

Some other thing is morals. That has a bit to do with respect I would imagine as well. Some people have some crummy morals and make me wonder how they haven't been locked up and stayed there. Others, it makes me wonder why they don't have a better life? They deserve better.

(this is the part where i figured out what i was trying to say about respect)

I fear cops, I fear the water, animals, space, many people... I respect them, because of that fear. Aside from people anyway. It depends on the person's attitude, morals, and a fear of disappointment from them. If i don't care if i disappoint someone... Well... I think you get it.

This concept works for me anyway.