I should have noticed the dingle-berry in my idiot-flakes this morning, but it all tastes the same to me today.

today feels a bit of betrayal, but more of being demasculated. Thats what i want to rant about.

The holidays stressed me out. i saw all the stuff that my son got, and looked at what i was able to get him. a Thomas book, and a toy gutar i found in the dumpster. Thats all i could afford to get him. All the other gifts made him happy, but of corse showed me that i couldnt get that for him, or anything else he wants. I work my ass off, and i have almost nothing to show for it. With all the gifts under the tree, i got 2. A gift card that i used to get motor oil for the car, and $40 cash that i used for gas, and laundry. this made me understand that of all the hard work i do, little is noticed. Under apreciated.

I spoke of this with my wife, and she suggested i take a portion of our income tax (after bills of corse) and be selfish. Buy what ever i want within that price range. That lifted my spirits a bit.

dungen

i m playin a game and this my doungen. its a test really...

Another Day-

***To reply to

"Facts of Life" Comment to Mykosis

on A. T. Hollier's Blog-***

Maybe the different kinds of religion are like different kinds of cereal. So many choices, all have their ups and their downs. Most people are afraid to belive in something different because they were told they will burn in hell forever if they "try another religion". (EXAMPLE)- Im pretty sure Walmart wouldnt care to much if i decided to go to Kroger because I like some products that Walmart dosen't have.

Another example: I like the "Clean Living" life style of the Mormon religion, but I like the meditation and "One with the spirits" stuff with Buddasm. Much like how like Cheeri-Os for the low colesterol, but i like Lucky Charms for the marshmellows. We all have a choice of what religion we go by. Maybe in a way, we are all supposed to form our own beliefs from what we see and hear from other religions. Take the examples from religions we like, and live your own religion the way you feel is right. If i want to worship my god in my way, then i shouldnt have to classify myself as anything but a follower of my own vision of God.

Im in no way implying that their should be a "Church of Micah" or a "Micah-ism" faith, or that anyone shpuld build their own church and start a full-blown faith. I have though to my self, if I am good to myself, and my fellow man and be the best person that I can be, and good things will come to me in this life and the next.

Heaven and Hell.

I think both places exist on an alternate plain. I kind of make the assumtion that heaven may be like an awesome waiting room. Waiting to be called to be reborn to a better easier life? That I just realized I am unsure of. However, hell i assume is also a waiting room, but a tourtureous place for your soul, waiting to be but into the body of another being for another chance to get things right. How many times would a cockroach have been re-encarnated to get it right?

I love the idea of churches getting donations and donating them to charities. I also agree that things like FEMA shouldnt exist because so many people are afraid of burning forever, they dump their walets into collections. Why not give it to those in need? Im sure the ministers boat payment can wait till later.

I like the idea of asking mother earth for forgiveness. She keeps us alive. I would like to believe that the earth was a form of God, but as you know, Catholasizm has been beaten into my head scence i was a kid. I was always told, God is God, be good or burn in hell for eternity. So, naturly, I am actualy afraid to belive in anything else but catholic faith. I do not want to fear every thing I do, or say as something that can potentionaly send me to hell. Religion is such a difficult thing, again like cereal, I grew up eating Cherios, but im afraid the "Cereal God" will smack me if i pick up Apple Jacks instead. Their are so many options.

Something that may be funny...

Cereals, chips, candy, and many other things have a variety pack where you can try several things by buying one bag or box. Try a religion sampler pack. A bit of mormon, jewish, baptist, athiest, ect. or even similar to a job fair. Apply for the potental career for the rest of your life, then go to a religion fair, and apply for some you may like in the afterlife.

What sucks about it is that you never will know if your religion was the right one untill your dead. When its to late to change. Its wasn't my choice to be raised in a particular religion, but now im afraid its wrong, and afraid to try something else. Brick wall.

Im becoming repetitive.

What's with today, today?

What if everything we learned to be right is actualy wrong. What if what we learned to be good is actually evil.

Start from the beginning.

Lucifer is the master of deception. What was to stop him from "acting" God's voice (which is to great for any human being to hear without death) to get down his 10 commandments? What if all our lives we have been following the route of evil?

a good example of what im thinking is "Thou shalt not steal"

Stealing is a sin, breaking the law, and immoral.

stealing food for your hungry family, its against the law still.

We would feel guilty for stealing, but to feed the family, we had to put morals aside. Would God still frown upon the theft, even though it were to feed the hungry?

Killing is against the law, a sin, and immoral. Still, we kill inmates on deathrow, and kill in wars. So its okay when the exicutionor throws the switch, but its not okay for us to kill others who have wronged us. Its also okay to shoot someone in another country, but isnt okay on the street of our home town.

Why is it THEY can break the law legaly but we cant?

Why do they have their own judge, jury, and exicutionor? That is God's job. We havent the knowledge of the one on trial's true past present or future. God knows. He knows where he was and what he was doing. If the human system were perfect, we woulnt have put so many innocent people to death.

On another note, we humans will do just about anything for money. We kill for it, we steal it, we go on gameshows and put our dignety out the window for it. Some of us work 40 plus hours weekly and still have nothing to show for it, while others work a few hours a week and get paid tripple or more. To get those jobs, most often, we have to spend every penny we earn and almost kill ourselves from starvation and sleep depervation, so we can get that slip of paper telling other people that we can do THAT job.

Black Cat

Two days ago.

The family and I were about to go to bed. The baby was asleep, and the wife had turned off the lights in the living room, and then we heard a meowing from outside. She looked out the window and saw a black cat sitting in front of our door. I opened the door a crack and it tried to get in, but i was able to stop it without touching it. It kept trying to come inside, almost like it was familiar with us and the apartment. No collar, no tags, nothing. Seemingly a stray. It acted like we were the owner.

It was just weird.

It left, but came back when the Mrs. talked about. -Three times.

Blab-blab-blab

Who am I and why am I here? Everyone asks this question, and few know the answer. I am no exeption. Some days, i feel as though im almost sure of who i am and what my calling is. Days like today. I havent got a clue.

I feel i know some people, but they arent who i thought they were, they claim they want to change, but show no effort to do so. Im beyond confused on who i am and who i am supposed to be. Its scary to not even know your place.

I feel the need to do some searching. Searching for myself again. I thought i found myself a long time ago, maybe i did, but maybe i didn't. With age, i seem to be changing out of my "self" in a sense. Shit.

I'm lost. I need a map. I need to find the Micah - or Joseph within myself.

Hero

I'd like to be a Hero. Have powers, save the day, protect the good people, and put the bad guy behind bars. I can't be that kind of hero, but i can be a hero to my son.

I was there for your first breath,

I was there to help bring you here,

You were there when I first cried ,

the tears of joy to being your dad.

I loved you before i knew you,

I held your hands for your first steps,

You let go to walk on your own.

I helped you with your first words,

You made your first sentence.

I want to be your hero, I want to be there when you fall

not to pick you up, but to lift your spirit to try again.

I will be there for your bad dreams and pleasent sleeps.

I will show you how to tie your shoe, for your first day of school.

I want to help you pack your lunch, you will want to make it your self.

I will teach you to ride a bike, you will tell me when to let go.

I will be there whether you win or loose.

I will be there to teach what you want to learn.

First, second, third, or last place.

Im still going to be there for you.

Ill still be your hero.-