If your a reader of my usual blog, ya know, the one that happens almost never now..
You'll know Im not really big on celebrating my Birthday, and know why. So ill skip that this time.
Now, last year I took a step into the right direction, thanks to some kind, and insightful words from a wise friend of mine. Im sure he knows who he is, but he told me, that my friend wouldn't be holding a grudge on me in heaven.
That triggered something inside me, it was like it was the first time i've heard it. It may have been, or maybe it was the 1200th time where it finally clicked.
Last year, I went to his grave site, and talked to him. Introduced my family, and all.
I was told it was a little morbid to do that, but I felt it to be necessary to get that closure after so long. I saw his picture, and the wind kept blowing the cover closed.
I read what was on his stone, and everything i remembered about him rushed back. I remembered that day he left, and it didn't hurt as much anymore.
When the picture kept closing on me i couldn't help to think it was his way of telling me that i have put so much on pause after he passed. I was introduced to death in a closer way than I should have been, and it was not my fault.
His way of telling me "dude, it was over 20 years ago. Stop doing this to yourself. It's done. Live your life man."
So, I would like to celebrate my birthday this year, but I want to treat it as if I were 10 years old or so.
Cake, party with the hats, a pinata, slip n' slide, grill up some burgers and hot dogs- and guests leave with little goody bags! I wanna do it small, but fun. I want it to be such a wonderful birthday, and remind myself of the fun i missed out on the past years.
Kinda feels like I'd owe it to myself, and him. I mean, i miss him, and still wish he were here to chill out, and let our kids throw water balloons at each other.
I am so thankful for the family, and friends I do have, and I wish I could have them all over, or have a huge blowout with TX friends, and AZ friends under one roof (or yard) so we can all kick back and have a good time.
I swear, if it happened, I'd break down in tears. Happy ones of course, but still. So many people will have tears on their shirts after all the hugs.
I love all of yall. Fam, friends, TX and AZ, and friends i call fam...
Love to all of yall.
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Thursday, April 19, 2018
The 48 Music Cat Bus Blog
The 48 Hr Contest
Recently my team and I had participated in a 48Hr Film challenge.
We got the Horror genre, and as it so happens, me and a teammate just shot a horror short with my oldest son and it turned out really good.
So, after the event, we went to a coffee shop and worked out an idea and script. The only thing we didn't have was a location. By this time it was already past 10pm, so most people i could call were sleeping. But we did find a place, and we wrapped up around 2 or 3 am. I remember being home at 4, and dumping footage.
That Saturday, while the other teams were starting to shoot, I was starting to edit. 5 Doughnuts, 3 Kolaches, half box of teddy grams and nilla wafers, 12 chicken nuggets and pizza rolls AND 16 hours later...
I had it cut, VFX'd audio- Totally done and rendering. Before Bed (at 4am again) I set it to send tto the submission email.
The next morning, i was informed we were the first team to get their submission in at 730 am sunday.
So Sunday was a day to relax while everyone else was racing to get their videos in.
I hope we can do it like that again next year, because i was really able to dial in everything and show off some VFX in a 48 Hr timeline. They were impressed that we were able to do it all in such a short time.
At the moment we don't know who won, but im feeling very confident about our submission.
The Music Video Challenge
This one was VERY different. The 48 hr was all hands on deck full team effort, but this one fell apart after the event.
Two of my teammates went to the event and got the song, and one got one for themselves. (this person was part of 3 teams in this event, and they are super talented.)
Well, this time we had 7 days to interpret the music, and have it all done. The event was on Wednesday, and i listened to the song a dozen times to get a good feel for it and picture something. (dont judge my process until you try it) i got an idea, and we all agreed, but no one had a location, and we needed to find one. So, I waited for this member to work their magic with a location. Monday rolls up and we have no location.
I re-brainstorm at work, and since my kids were out of school that day, I could see if they wanna be the subjects, and of course they agree without hesitation.
I take them to the park, with my new T7i, and i set up for the first shot, and the battery was almost dead. AAAnd the last two were dead too. So... Im not about to risk the park being full of people if i go and get my T3i, so i use my phone as a camera.
We shoot all we need there without issues, and its almost time to get the Mrs. from work, so we head home and find that she was already home.
She tried calling, text, voicemails- and i didnt get a single one. Needless to say, she was PISSED and worried to the bone.
The next day the teammate who i thought was looking for a location wanted to get some BTS footage, (Which i feel was unnecessary) and it took 15min to set up, 15 min to shoot, and 10 to breakdown.
Now, i got my sub in on time, but there was an issue i had to correct, and re-submit (which they were cool about it, thankfully) That was another late night.
The videos were put up and votes were pouring in. On other videos anyway.
I posted the link, shared it, tagged people all throughout the vote week, and I made 5th place out of 6 videos. I'm usually not a sore loser, but this time it really irks my mind. One team cut a movie to their music, soo, im thinking they should be disqualified for plagiarism. Most of the others were just weird, or didn't make any sense. I'm thinking why would anyone vote for a video like these??
Do they consider this entertaining? Or Art? Because i didn't see it as either.
One did an animation short, which happened to be the multitasking teammate.
They got 3rd place i think. I didnt mind losing to them.
But what bothers me MOST of all about it is that even with my excessive sharing and tagging on my list of over 500 people, I only had 64 votes.
Thats 64 people who likes my work and/or supports me in film.
Only 64 people.
1st had 480, 2nd 466, 3rd 92.
64 people believe in me and my work.
It's depressing AF.
What i get from this contest is this:
These people do NOT play fair.
Next year, it's BEAST MODE. No Mercy.
The Cat Scratch
My youngest was playing outside, and a neighbors cat was in our yard.
He tried to pet the kitty sweetly, but it scratched my boy on his face, by his eye.
I hosed that little asshole cat. Then got a mop bucket of water, and threw it at it. Missed totally, but that cat knows it made a mistake now.
I told the kids who own the cat, that if i see it on my property again, i will shoot it with my BB gun. Cause I don't play that. They told their dad, and he says if i kill it ill be getting them a new cat.
I laughed. I have my response for if he tells me to my face.
1. This park doesn't allow pets outside without a leash.
2. Your cat has no collar, therefore deemed a stray.
3. I was instructed, BY THE LANDLORD, if i see a stray cat, shoot it. We don't need them ripping out insulation from under the trailers and dragging trash everywhere.
4. A BB gun wont kill it unless its a point blank shot under the chin, eye socket, or heart.
5. To ease the mind of the young ones, I have an airsoft pistol ill use first. If it comes back, ill bring out the BB gun. If it comes here AGAIN, well. It will be the last time.
6. I'm not buying anyone a cat. Catch that possum that hangs out in your yard if you want a pet that hisses and scratches kids. Ill get rid of it too.
I have no beef with you, your mother, nor your kids. But that cat is not on my good side.
Bus and School trouble
So my oldest was on the bus, and was trying to get up to get off the bus after school, and some kid grabs his ankle, scratches, and breaks skin. He hit the kid off him.
The next day, my youngest claims, on the morning bus, a kid was hitting my boys head on the window. He told the kid to stop, and called for the driver to help, and they did nothing. So my boy hit this kid in the head, and the driver wrote him up for it.
We got the note that afternoon, and i was super pissed off.
The Mrs. wrote a note to whoever picks up the signed slip, explaining our sons side to the story, and he will not be punished for defending himself. Especially when he did as the school wanted him to do, (tell an adult) and they did nothing until he defended himself against the bully.
I have a few things to say to the principal if i get a call about the note or his "behavior".
1. He wouldn't have had to defend himself, if the driver had listened to him calling for help.
2. I will not allow my kids to be bullied by anyone. I refuse to allow it. If they defend themselves, its because no adult would help. Know that to be the ONLY reason they will engage in violence.
3. Your no violence policy is a rule for a fantasy world. These rules will be broken over and over. Bullies will ALWAYS target those who are less likely to defend themselves. By telling ALL kids not to fight back, is putting a target on every student.
4. I mean which person would be an easier target? A little skinny kid, with glasses, or the tall strong kid with a baseball bat?
Recently my team and I had participated in a 48Hr Film challenge.
We got the Horror genre, and as it so happens, me and a teammate just shot a horror short with my oldest son and it turned out really good.
So, after the event, we went to a coffee shop and worked out an idea and script. The only thing we didn't have was a location. By this time it was already past 10pm, so most people i could call were sleeping. But we did find a place, and we wrapped up around 2 or 3 am. I remember being home at 4, and dumping footage.
That Saturday, while the other teams were starting to shoot, I was starting to edit. 5 Doughnuts, 3 Kolaches, half box of teddy grams and nilla wafers, 12 chicken nuggets and pizza rolls AND 16 hours later...
I had it cut, VFX'd audio- Totally done and rendering. Before Bed (at 4am again) I set it to send tto the submission email.
The next morning, i was informed we were the first team to get their submission in at 730 am sunday.
So Sunday was a day to relax while everyone else was racing to get their videos in.
I hope we can do it like that again next year, because i was really able to dial in everything and show off some VFX in a 48 Hr timeline. They were impressed that we were able to do it all in such a short time.
At the moment we don't know who won, but im feeling very confident about our submission.
The Music Video Challenge
This one was VERY different. The 48 hr was all hands on deck full team effort, but this one fell apart after the event.
Two of my teammates went to the event and got the song, and one got one for themselves. (this person was part of 3 teams in this event, and they are super talented.)
Well, this time we had 7 days to interpret the music, and have it all done. The event was on Wednesday, and i listened to the song a dozen times to get a good feel for it and picture something. (dont judge my process until you try it) i got an idea, and we all agreed, but no one had a location, and we needed to find one. So, I waited for this member to work their magic with a location. Monday rolls up and we have no location.
I re-brainstorm at work, and since my kids were out of school that day, I could see if they wanna be the subjects, and of course they agree without hesitation.
I take them to the park, with my new T7i, and i set up for the first shot, and the battery was almost dead. AAAnd the last two were dead too. So... Im not about to risk the park being full of people if i go and get my T3i, so i use my phone as a camera.
We shoot all we need there without issues, and its almost time to get the Mrs. from work, so we head home and find that she was already home.
She tried calling, text, voicemails- and i didnt get a single one. Needless to say, she was PISSED and worried to the bone.
The next day the teammate who i thought was looking for a location wanted to get some BTS footage, (Which i feel was unnecessary) and it took 15min to set up, 15 min to shoot, and 10 to breakdown.
Now, i got my sub in on time, but there was an issue i had to correct, and re-submit (which they were cool about it, thankfully) That was another late night.
The videos were put up and votes were pouring in. On other videos anyway.
I posted the link, shared it, tagged people all throughout the vote week, and I made 5th place out of 6 videos. I'm usually not a sore loser, but this time it really irks my mind. One team cut a movie to their music, soo, im thinking they should be disqualified for plagiarism. Most of the others were just weird, or didn't make any sense. I'm thinking why would anyone vote for a video like these??
Do they consider this entertaining? Or Art? Because i didn't see it as either.
One did an animation short, which happened to be the multitasking teammate.
They got 3rd place i think. I didnt mind losing to them.
But what bothers me MOST of all about it is that even with my excessive sharing and tagging on my list of over 500 people, I only had 64 votes.
Thats 64 people who likes my work and/or supports me in film.
Only 64 people.
1st had 480, 2nd 466, 3rd 92.
64 people believe in me and my work.
It's depressing AF.
What i get from this contest is this:
These people do NOT play fair.
Next year, it's BEAST MODE. No Mercy.
The Cat Scratch
My youngest was playing outside, and a neighbors cat was in our yard.
He tried to pet the kitty sweetly, but it scratched my boy on his face, by his eye.
I hosed that little asshole cat. Then got a mop bucket of water, and threw it at it. Missed totally, but that cat knows it made a mistake now.
I told the kids who own the cat, that if i see it on my property again, i will shoot it with my BB gun. Cause I don't play that. They told their dad, and he says if i kill it ill be getting them a new cat.
I laughed. I have my response for if he tells me to my face.
1. This park doesn't allow pets outside without a leash.
2. Your cat has no collar, therefore deemed a stray.
3. I was instructed, BY THE LANDLORD, if i see a stray cat, shoot it. We don't need them ripping out insulation from under the trailers and dragging trash everywhere.
4. A BB gun wont kill it unless its a point blank shot under the chin, eye socket, or heart.
5. To ease the mind of the young ones, I have an airsoft pistol ill use first. If it comes back, ill bring out the BB gun. If it comes here AGAIN, well. It will be the last time.
6. I'm not buying anyone a cat. Catch that possum that hangs out in your yard if you want a pet that hisses and scratches kids. Ill get rid of it too.
I have no beef with you, your mother, nor your kids. But that cat is not on my good side.
Bus and School trouble
So my oldest was on the bus, and was trying to get up to get off the bus after school, and some kid grabs his ankle, scratches, and breaks skin. He hit the kid off him.
The next day, my youngest claims, on the morning bus, a kid was hitting my boys head on the window. He told the kid to stop, and called for the driver to help, and they did nothing. So my boy hit this kid in the head, and the driver wrote him up for it.
We got the note that afternoon, and i was super pissed off.
The Mrs. wrote a note to whoever picks up the signed slip, explaining our sons side to the story, and he will not be punished for defending himself. Especially when he did as the school wanted him to do, (tell an adult) and they did nothing until he defended himself against the bully.
I have a few things to say to the principal if i get a call about the note or his "behavior".
1. He wouldn't have had to defend himself, if the driver had listened to him calling for help.
2. I will not allow my kids to be bullied by anyone. I refuse to allow it. If they defend themselves, its because no adult would help. Know that to be the ONLY reason they will engage in violence.
3. Your no violence policy is a rule for a fantasy world. These rules will be broken over and over. Bullies will ALWAYS target those who are less likely to defend themselves. By telling ALL kids not to fight back, is putting a target on every student.
4. I mean which person would be an easier target? A little skinny kid, with glasses, or the tall strong kid with a baseball bat?
Saturday, May 27, 2017
The 5-27
So, today is the day.
I took a big step to... well a major change.
Today, I went to LuMon's burial site. I talked to him, and told him a bit about what has happened since the last time i visited him. My family came with me, and finaly got to meet him.
I came to a conclusion. With this happening at such a young age, its natural id blame myself. (at any age it'd be normal to do that) but the timing was rough. It got into my mind and heart that it was my fault. Like, if i didnt feel guilty, i wouldnt be human, or something. I let the day cripple me in such a way, I stayed introverted, made less friends, got afraid of getting close to people, but when i did, i'd hold them too close, until they push away. So, relationship tug-of war in a way. I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, because it felt like celebrating his death. So i tried not too.
I didnt want to. Most celebrations on my birthday since then was... not exactly consensual.
in my mind, i'd be telling myself i didnt deserve this. A celebration, or this happiness.
I ran from all of this, for 22 years. I need to stop blaming myself, stop running.
I learned something back then, but it wasnt to push people away and never celebrate that day again... It was to enjoy every moment you have, because it may be your last. And as far as those you care about, be there for them, love them, because it may be the last time to see them.
Celebrate life.
While at the site, i looked at the picture, and the wind blew it closed. not just once, but several times. From how i understood this was it was him telling me to stop beating myself up about it. To let it go. He wouldnt want me to do this to myself. "Shut the door" so to speak.
I think thats what ill do. stop living in the past. Remember him of course, but i cant dwell on it and blame myself anymore.
First step. I may visit next year too, and i know i want to do RR in memory of him.
I took a big step to... well a major change.
Today, I went to LuMon's burial site. I talked to him, and told him a bit about what has happened since the last time i visited him. My family came with me, and finaly got to meet him.
I came to a conclusion. With this happening at such a young age, its natural id blame myself. (at any age it'd be normal to do that) but the timing was rough. It got into my mind and heart that it was my fault. Like, if i didnt feel guilty, i wouldnt be human, or something. I let the day cripple me in such a way, I stayed introverted, made less friends, got afraid of getting close to people, but when i did, i'd hold them too close, until they push away. So, relationship tug-of war in a way. I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, because it felt like celebrating his death. So i tried not too.
I didnt want to. Most celebrations on my birthday since then was... not exactly consensual.
in my mind, i'd be telling myself i didnt deserve this. A celebration, or this happiness.
I ran from all of this, for 22 years. I need to stop blaming myself, stop running.
I learned something back then, but it wasnt to push people away and never celebrate that day again... It was to enjoy every moment you have, because it may be your last. And as far as those you care about, be there for them, love them, because it may be the last time to see them.
Celebrate life.
While at the site, i looked at the picture, and the wind blew it closed. not just once, but several times. From how i understood this was it was him telling me to stop beating myself up about it. To let it go. He wouldnt want me to do this to myself. "Shut the door" so to speak.
I think thats what ill do. stop living in the past. Remember him of course, but i cant dwell on it and blame myself anymore.
First step. I may visit next year too, and i know i want to do RR in memory of him.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Birthday Month: #2
This month is supposed to be more happy for me, and my family...
Wifes birthday, one of my son's birthday, my birthday, last day of school and the first day of summer.
Also, the past 3 years, May means a paid film-related project.
But, this month is also a reminder of my 9th birthday party. It never fails.
This year, is the first year in a while I may actually WANT to do something for it.
(To see first Blog this is related to, heres the link:
http://mindofmykosis.blogspot.com/2015/05/birthday-month.html
***Be aware, it may be depressing.***)
(So may be the rest of this blog)
As stated in the first blog on this topic, i get sad and depressed every May. It's hard to for me to be anything else in May anymore. I dont want to forget him, but i dont want the event to haunt me either.
I really should visit his site, and just talk to him. It may help with closure, seeing as how i didnt attend the funeral. (I was told I would regret not going... and I do.) I didnt think i could handle it emotionally. I probably would have broken apart, after all, i feel so responsible. The way his parents looked at me afterwards, the way they reacted, and sued us. They totally blamed me. I could see it in his mother's eyes. They were still in denial, but the fear of the facts were slowly creeping up on her. She will never be able to hug her baby again. Never be able to call him to dinner, or help him with his homework. Never see her baby graduate High School at the top of his class, get a great respectful job, and marry a good woman and give her grand babies. The three special little words he told her every day will never be heard from him again... She gave me a little picture of him. I with i still had it. But i remember the picture. Ill never see him again either.
I'm sure his family still curses me to this day. Might Still swear that "little boy" did it on purpose, and got away with it.
I could have done something. I SHOULD have done something. Reach out to him and grab his hand, float over to him and help him up. Try to save him straight up, or just call for help.
I fear this of my children. I fear that the feeling may be repaid to me, of losing a child. I can only imagine it- and then i want to cry and never stop. I love them, and every word they speak. Every face they make, noises that irritate me, and when they play with their food, or create something that makes no sense... I love the shit out of them.
I dont want to imagine my life without them.
I would be hollow. I would be unable to feel.
I may never laugh again if it really happened.
I did make a promise to him when i visited him the first time with the Marine Recruiter Officer. To live life for the both of us. I have lived life for half of myself.
It's past time to live up to that promise.
"RR-LB"
Wifes birthday, one of my son's birthday, my birthday, last day of school and the first day of summer.
Also, the past 3 years, May means a paid film-related project.
But, this month is also a reminder of my 9th birthday party. It never fails.
This year, is the first year in a while I may actually WANT to do something for it.
(To see first Blog this is related to, heres the link:
http://mindofmykosis.blogspot.com/2015/05/birthday-month.html
***Be aware, it may be depressing.***)
(So may be the rest of this blog)
As stated in the first blog on this topic, i get sad and depressed every May. It's hard to for me to be anything else in May anymore. I dont want to forget him, but i dont want the event to haunt me either.
I really should visit his site, and just talk to him. It may help with closure, seeing as how i didnt attend the funeral. (I was told I would regret not going... and I do.) I didnt think i could handle it emotionally. I probably would have broken apart, after all, i feel so responsible. The way his parents looked at me afterwards, the way they reacted, and sued us. They totally blamed me. I could see it in his mother's eyes. They were still in denial, but the fear of the facts were slowly creeping up on her. She will never be able to hug her baby again. Never be able to call him to dinner, or help him with his homework. Never see her baby graduate High School at the top of his class, get a great respectful job, and marry a good woman and give her grand babies. The three special little words he told her every day will never be heard from him again... She gave me a little picture of him. I with i still had it. But i remember the picture. Ill never see him again either.
I'm sure his family still curses me to this day. Might Still swear that "little boy" did it on purpose, and got away with it.
I could have done something. I SHOULD have done something. Reach out to him and grab his hand, float over to him and help him up. Try to save him straight up, or just call for help.
I fear this of my children. I fear that the feeling may be repaid to me, of losing a child. I can only imagine it- and then i want to cry and never stop. I love them, and every word they speak. Every face they make, noises that irritate me, and when they play with their food, or create something that makes no sense... I love the shit out of them.
I dont want to imagine my life without them.
I would be hollow. I would be unable to feel.
I may never laugh again if it really happened.
I did make a promise to him when i visited him the first time with the Marine Recruiter Officer. To live life for the both of us. I have lived life for half of myself.
It's past time to live up to that promise.
"RR-LB"
Monday, April 25, 2016
Lets try something here...
I am sick of it.
(Whiney bitch alert)
I do the MS for my family (under the assumption none read this anyway) and i bust my ass on them. Every time i release one its better than the last. I give them out on Christmas as gifts, because afterall it is made with them in mind on various clips. I think about who would like this clip, who might catch what I did there. I sort through all the endless hours of footage from Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, goofy stuff around the house or family visits- It's a LOT of stuff- and put the cream of the crop on the timeline, sort through several songs to find one that best suits the video, then resize it to fit the music. Then to the next clip... Until all are done, i have open and credits to do (pain) I feel i have to be more creative here, and show off my VFX skills here. And i LOVE IT. I become amazed with it every time i do it. Ep 4's open was a StarWars scroll, and ship crashes into words, and Imperial March Hip-Hop Cover. Ep 5's open represented Dr Who, with a metal cover of the theme, and it rocked the hell out of the DVD's open. Sent me to chills. 4's Credits was kind of an inspiration from Tokyo Drift's end credits, but with Imagine Dragons' "Monster"- again, it was awesome. 5's credits was a tour of the solar system with "Rocket Ship" over it. It makes me so proud to see those. With 5, i added two slide shows, which i hate to do, but lack of footage forced my hand... They were real tear-jerkers too. Ep 4 & 5 were friggn great.
Spent so much time rendering, planning, sifting, editing, effects- It was a loooong process and well worth it to me.
I ask for opinions, and i get a few, which is awesome. I'm looking for specific people's responses though. I have been as passive as i can about it and i said "screw it".
Itll be for my wife and I now. Our memories for when were all old and falling apart. We can see our babies grow all over again.
Most people who got it, didn't want it in the first place. I forced it on them. I went to school for this shit damnit. I want to show my family my skills with their nephews/cousins/grandsons that they supposedly "love".
If they loved these little squirts as much as i do to go through different forms of hell for them, and keep their family in the loop- they would have been so excited to watch it, they wouldn't shut up about it.
Not everyone gets excited about it, ok- you have your own lives and thats all good. It's just an hour or so. That's it. If you see them both back to back. Split 'em, idk. I made it for you. At least you could look at it before you throw it aside like it doesn't mean anything...
I get the impression some may think it's just a cheaper alternative than buying gifts. Like giving a picture in a frame. Its generic, impersonal and inexpensive. Im cool with that. I do 30 pictures a second. I give 108,000+ Pictures in consecutive order, but looked at as differently. Why? Because you have to put it in a player? It'll take too much time?
Look, it is much more cost effective than buying a gift for everyone, yes. I am Saving a sh*t load of money on doing this. But how much time did i spend? 160 Hours or so? Last time i checked, it wasn't the amount of money spent that proves how much you care, but the thought behind it.
How long did it take to decide what to buy for someone? To choose the card? Maybe an hour together? Is that all your family is worth? An hour of thought once a year?
It is materialistic thinking like that which pisses me off quicker than anything about giving gifts.
My family, my kids, are worth more than an hour's thought once a year.
Try spending 160 hours or so designing the perfect gift for all of those you care for.
The theme, the layout, musical score, visual effects, flow, DVD design, and cover design...
Do it. Try to do it one time. See how much work it is.
Funny thing it, I LOVE to do it. I enjoy it, and i find it to be so much fun!
I just wanted to share the fun with my loved ones. If they dont want to take an hour out of one day to watch it, and have a laugh or two, then thats their problem.
I have decided to do it for my boys and wife. ( and a few people i KNOW WANT to see them)
And who ever asks. (family-wise) On top of that, i'll have one print day. If i dont have your order by that day, you missed out. Sorry, but you had your chance.
Who knows... when i'm "rich and famous" they may want me to autograph them... and the 6 & 7 will be a Limited Edition... And they'll wish they had one.
Let's see who says something to me about this.
If you don't want it, say something. Throw it back at me.
Then at least I'll know who my haters are.
(Whiney bitch alert)
I do the MS for my family (under the assumption none read this anyway) and i bust my ass on them. Every time i release one its better than the last. I give them out on Christmas as gifts, because afterall it is made with them in mind on various clips. I think about who would like this clip, who might catch what I did there. I sort through all the endless hours of footage from Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, goofy stuff around the house or family visits- It's a LOT of stuff- and put the cream of the crop on the timeline, sort through several songs to find one that best suits the video, then resize it to fit the music. Then to the next clip... Until all are done, i have open and credits to do (pain) I feel i have to be more creative here, and show off my VFX skills here. And i LOVE IT. I become amazed with it every time i do it. Ep 4's open was a StarWars scroll, and ship crashes into words, and Imperial March Hip-Hop Cover. Ep 5's open represented Dr Who, with a metal cover of the theme, and it rocked the hell out of the DVD's open. Sent me to chills. 4's Credits was kind of an inspiration from Tokyo Drift's end credits, but with Imagine Dragons' "Monster"- again, it was awesome. 5's credits was a tour of the solar system with "Rocket Ship" over it. It makes me so proud to see those. With 5, i added two slide shows, which i hate to do, but lack of footage forced my hand... They were real tear-jerkers too. Ep 4 & 5 were friggn great.
Spent so much time rendering, planning, sifting, editing, effects- It was a loooong process and well worth it to me.
I ask for opinions, and i get a few, which is awesome. I'm looking for specific people's responses though. I have been as passive as i can about it and i said "screw it".
Itll be for my wife and I now. Our memories for when were all old and falling apart. We can see our babies grow all over again.
Most people who got it, didn't want it in the first place. I forced it on them. I went to school for this shit damnit. I want to show my family my skills with their nephews/cousins/grandsons that they supposedly "love".
If they loved these little squirts as much as i do to go through different forms of hell for them, and keep their family in the loop- they would have been so excited to watch it, they wouldn't shut up about it.
Not everyone gets excited about it, ok- you have your own lives and thats all good. It's just an hour or so. That's it. If you see them both back to back. Split 'em, idk. I made it for you. At least you could look at it before you throw it aside like it doesn't mean anything...
I get the impression some may think it's just a cheaper alternative than buying gifts. Like giving a picture in a frame. Its generic, impersonal and inexpensive. Im cool with that. I do 30 pictures a second. I give 108,000+ Pictures in consecutive order, but looked at as differently. Why? Because you have to put it in a player? It'll take too much time?
Look, it is much more cost effective than buying a gift for everyone, yes. I am Saving a sh*t load of money on doing this. But how much time did i spend? 160 Hours or so? Last time i checked, it wasn't the amount of money spent that proves how much you care, but the thought behind it.
How long did it take to decide what to buy for someone? To choose the card? Maybe an hour together? Is that all your family is worth? An hour of thought once a year?
It is materialistic thinking like that which pisses me off quicker than anything about giving gifts.
My family, my kids, are worth more than an hour's thought once a year.
Try spending 160 hours or so designing the perfect gift for all of those you care for.
The theme, the layout, musical score, visual effects, flow, DVD design, and cover design...
Do it. Try to do it one time. See how much work it is.
Funny thing it, I LOVE to do it. I enjoy it, and i find it to be so much fun!
I just wanted to share the fun with my loved ones. If they dont want to take an hour out of one day to watch it, and have a laugh or two, then thats their problem.
I have decided to do it for my boys and wife. ( and a few people i KNOW WANT to see them)
And who ever asks. (family-wise) On top of that, i'll have one print day. If i dont have your order by that day, you missed out. Sorry, but you had your chance.
Who knows... when i'm "rich and famous" they may want me to autograph them... and the 6 & 7 will be a Limited Edition... And they'll wish they had one.
Let's see who says something to me about this.
If you don't want it, say something. Throw it back at me.
Then at least I'll know who my haters are.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Big Suprise... Well, not really.
The powerball hit an all time high of 1.5 bill.
I rarely play, but since it was so big i figured what the hell.
I played a game and lost, no big. no one else won either and it came up to the above amount.
so i went ad did 5 more games. I had that feeling...
The feeling that i would get something from it. And i never get that feeling about any lottery tickets.
I thought, if i did win what would i do with that money? Really, I don't need 900 mill at all... I'd make 1 mill last for the rest of my life and have plenty for my kids to live the rest of their lives on...
But with 900... okay...
I started really thinking about what to do with that money... REALLY thinking about it.
What to do for my friends and family, and how much would be left after they were set for life...
Still a lot left, more than i could ever need in my life.
Help out the city... Surrounding cities. Donate to charities and Hospitals...
The list went on and on.
3 people won. One dude who won was already rich. Bought 15,000 games, spending $30,000. His interview, he was gonna buy a yacht.
-_-
Really dude?
It just pisses me off how selfish people can be fortunate enough to buy an unfair advantage above others and win more of what they have.
I didn't have $30,000 to spend on powerball tickets. If i had that $, to waste, I wouldn't be playing the game in the first place. Shit, I dont make that in a year. Even combined with my spouse.
And we get a stick to the face because were on government assistance?
If this Yacht guy reads this... Please, do something with it for children. Like a college scholarship, kids hospital or something. Not all of it. wouldn't ask that of anyone. You obviously have enough to do it. Make a difference in the state, donate fire department, police department.
I rarely play, but since it was so big i figured what the hell.
I played a game and lost, no big. no one else won either and it came up to the above amount.
so i went ad did 5 more games. I had that feeling...
The feeling that i would get something from it. And i never get that feeling about any lottery tickets.
I thought, if i did win what would i do with that money? Really, I don't need 900 mill at all... I'd make 1 mill last for the rest of my life and have plenty for my kids to live the rest of their lives on...
But with 900... okay...
I started really thinking about what to do with that money... REALLY thinking about it.
What to do for my friends and family, and how much would be left after they were set for life...
Still a lot left, more than i could ever need in my life.
Help out the city... Surrounding cities. Donate to charities and Hospitals...
The list went on and on.
3 people won. One dude who won was already rich. Bought 15,000 games, spending $30,000. His interview, he was gonna buy a yacht.
-_-
Really dude?
It just pisses me off how selfish people can be fortunate enough to buy an unfair advantage above others and win more of what they have.
I didn't have $30,000 to spend on powerball tickets. If i had that $, to waste, I wouldn't be playing the game in the first place. Shit, I dont make that in a year. Even combined with my spouse.
And we get a stick to the face because were on government assistance?
If this Yacht guy reads this... Please, do something with it for children. Like a college scholarship, kids hospital or something. Not all of it. wouldn't ask that of anyone. You obviously have enough to do it. Make a difference in the state, donate fire department, police department.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Choice
Another thing i'd like to share with the -not-as-public-as FB- Folk is this...
I hate being forced into doing things...
Like, hey man, i need you to do this. Thanks, Bye!
For real dude? I'm telling you no now for sure. You can do it. If you had asked, NICELY and waited for a response, I may have agreed to do so, but since you attempted to give me no choice. As in Giving me:
A. Yes.
B. Yes.
C. Yes.
D. Yes.
I scribble in angrily:
E. Go Fuck Yourself.
And when your jaw hits the floor, "Oh Mah Gawd! Did you just tell ME, the lord of the galaxy NO?!" (Thinking) *What does this word "no" mean? 'Tis a word I am unaccustomed too....*
I also hate it when people keep trying to shove things down my throat- especially the Thumpers, The Told-ya-so's, and the persistent naggers.
Thumper.
Like Bible thumpers. Those who INSIST that their way is the ONLY way. Any other way is wrong, and you will be punished unless you do it our way. (Join the dark side or meet your doom)
while in Az i got home from a 12 hr shift, im tired and hungry, and pissed off about the idiotic drivers... Then i got this guy walk up to me asking questions. Asks me if i think im a good person, if i think im going to heaven, ya know that stuff... I'm losin' my cool because there is a couch cushion and a box of macaroni screaming my name, ya know? He tells me if I am not his religion, i will go straight to hell. Even if i am a good person. I'll just go to hell. The really did thump his bible at me. Yeah. As he quoted, or more paraphrased, it to fit the point he was trying to make. (his way or no way)
I got fed up. Enough, is enough. I got closer to him and asked him... "Are you trying to convert me?"
His eyes widened, like i caught him with his pants to his ankles pissin' in a gas tank. "Uh, yeah...?"
I grinch-grinned him and said in a snarky manner, "Not gonna happen." He left quickly after that. Later found out that this same guy talked to my wife earlier and even though she told him she was the same religion, he still quoted, thumped, and condemned the non-believers to hell...
The Told-ya So's
The name is about all it needs, right? Those who keep bringing shit up that they were right about, but they keep throwing it right back into your face. "I told you it wouldn't work. Didnt I tell ya? I told ya." Watch me try it again and it work PAL. then I will have told YOU so. No need to keep bringing shit up.
Do you like when your toilet gets backed up and your shit and butt-paper comes up to say hello from the grave? No? What makes you think I like hearing and seeing shit I already flushed into the past? Leave it in the sewer where it belongs, damnit.
So you were right... Like six years ago? And since then you have been wrong, wrong, and WRONG. I made a boo-boo. I get it. I'm letting it heal and learning from it. Stop peeling my scabs off to re-open them ya jerk.
The persistant naggers
Again, saying the same thing over and over. like they didn't say it enough the past 20 minutes.
I often hear, "God says, God Says, The Lord, Jesus this and that"... Okay. You are religious, and you believe in God and Jesus. Good. Stop shoving it down my throat with the "Give it to God, and Prayers" talk. I don't really know what it is that I am, but I know I'm not shouting from the rooftops how much I love Pizza. Look, I'm not trying to diss any religion. But I haven't found one I agree with yet. For me, it's that simple. I feel there may be a higher power, but there may not be. We may be an experiment in an Alien's laboratory petri dish. Our lives may be just a freak accident of nature, and so is the nature of our entire planet. Maybe we did evolve...
What is the strangest of it all is the assumption that I have a religion... Oh you have a problem? Give it to God... To me, its their way of saying forget about it. It'll work itself out.
You can tell me to drink the water in the glass, but if im not thirsty, I will not drink it. Saying "Drink it" isn't going to induce my thirst. Then some, will open my mouth and pour it down my throat...
I vomit. Ha. Now you wear your mistake. Shove something into me that is unwanted, it will come back up. And it won't be pretty.
How weird would it be if i ran around telling people quotes from Dr Seuss books?
And from Chapter one, page seven, Sam-I-am Suggests Green Eggs and Ham SHALL be tried Here... Or there...
Then there was Blue Fish... Red fish...
And then, The Green Grinch Man Rained the Wholings with gifts and feast!
People would send me to the loony bin.
Why? Don't they deliver a positive message? Try new things? Accepting the differences? Don't be selfish? Aren't those some things in the Bible anyway?
Again, I'm not bashing on religion. This isn't even about religion.
It's about those people who won't let up. Not leaving a choice to those who SHOULD have the choice.
I hate being forced into doing things...
Like, hey man, i need you to do this. Thanks, Bye!
For real dude? I'm telling you no now for sure. You can do it. If you had asked, NICELY and waited for a response, I may have agreed to do so, but since you attempted to give me no choice. As in Giving me:
A. Yes.
B. Yes.
C. Yes.
D. Yes.
I scribble in angrily:
E. Go Fuck Yourself.
And when your jaw hits the floor, "Oh Mah Gawd! Did you just tell ME, the lord of the galaxy NO?!" (Thinking) *What does this word "no" mean? 'Tis a word I am unaccustomed too....*
I also hate it when people keep trying to shove things down my throat- especially the Thumpers, The Told-ya-so's, and the persistent naggers.
Thumper.
Like Bible thumpers. Those who INSIST that their way is the ONLY way. Any other way is wrong, and you will be punished unless you do it our way. (Join the dark side or meet your doom)
while in Az i got home from a 12 hr shift, im tired and hungry, and pissed off about the idiotic drivers... Then i got this guy walk up to me asking questions. Asks me if i think im a good person, if i think im going to heaven, ya know that stuff... I'm losin' my cool because there is a couch cushion and a box of macaroni screaming my name, ya know? He tells me if I am not his religion, i will go straight to hell. Even if i am a good person. I'll just go to hell. The really did thump his bible at me. Yeah. As he quoted, or more paraphrased, it to fit the point he was trying to make. (his way or no way)
I got fed up. Enough, is enough. I got closer to him and asked him... "Are you trying to convert me?"
His eyes widened, like i caught him with his pants to his ankles pissin' in a gas tank. "Uh, yeah...?"
I grinch-grinned him and said in a snarky manner, "Not gonna happen." He left quickly after that. Later found out that this same guy talked to my wife earlier and even though she told him she was the same religion, he still quoted, thumped, and condemned the non-believers to hell...
The Told-ya So's
The name is about all it needs, right? Those who keep bringing shit up that they were right about, but they keep throwing it right back into your face. "I told you it wouldn't work. Didnt I tell ya? I told ya." Watch me try it again and it work PAL. then I will have told YOU so. No need to keep bringing shit up.
Do you like when your toilet gets backed up and your shit and butt-paper comes up to say hello from the grave? No? What makes you think I like hearing and seeing shit I already flushed into the past? Leave it in the sewer where it belongs, damnit.
So you were right... Like six years ago? And since then you have been wrong, wrong, and WRONG. I made a boo-boo. I get it. I'm letting it heal and learning from it. Stop peeling my scabs off to re-open them ya jerk.
The persistant naggers
Again, saying the same thing over and over. like they didn't say it enough the past 20 minutes.
I often hear, "God says, God Says, The Lord, Jesus this and that"... Okay. You are religious, and you believe in God and Jesus. Good. Stop shoving it down my throat with the "Give it to God, and Prayers" talk. I don't really know what it is that I am, but I know I'm not shouting from the rooftops how much I love Pizza. Look, I'm not trying to diss any religion. But I haven't found one I agree with yet. For me, it's that simple. I feel there may be a higher power, but there may not be. We may be an experiment in an Alien's laboratory petri dish. Our lives may be just a freak accident of nature, and so is the nature of our entire planet. Maybe we did evolve...
What is the strangest of it all is the assumption that I have a religion... Oh you have a problem? Give it to God... To me, its their way of saying forget about it. It'll work itself out.
You can tell me to drink the water in the glass, but if im not thirsty, I will not drink it. Saying "Drink it" isn't going to induce my thirst. Then some, will open my mouth and pour it down my throat...
I vomit. Ha. Now you wear your mistake. Shove something into me that is unwanted, it will come back up. And it won't be pretty.
How weird would it be if i ran around telling people quotes from Dr Seuss books?
And from Chapter one, page seven, Sam-I-am Suggests Green Eggs and Ham SHALL be tried Here... Or there...
Then there was Blue Fish... Red fish...
And then, The Green Grinch Man Rained the Wholings with gifts and feast!
People would send me to the loony bin.
Why? Don't they deliver a positive message? Try new things? Accepting the differences? Don't be selfish? Aren't those some things in the Bible anyway?
Again, I'm not bashing on religion. This isn't even about religion.
It's about those people who won't let up. Not leaving a choice to those who SHOULD have the choice.
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